Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

bwenduh45's comment : Maybe he'll escape like nemo...

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Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

by Donny / 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm / United States / Work

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

by Username / 08/04/2011 at 2:47pm / United States / Work

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

by Joe / 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Florida) / Money

christinez13's comment : aww that sucks but you deserved it

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Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

by meganridner / 08/04/2011 at 12:05pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

TaylorTotsYumm's comment : Why would you wear something so precious while mud wrestling? D:

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Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

by Depressed / 08/04/2011 at 7:45am / Sudan / Work

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

by Bobsaget00 / 08/04/2011 at 6:19am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

by Username / 08/04/2011 at 5:15am / United States / Money

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

by Anon / 08/04/2011 at 4:30am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

by laughingflame / 08/04/2011 at 2:00am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy