Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

by independence / 07/07/2011 at 12:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

by Preggie / 07/07/2011 at 12:04am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

meliesFML's comment : its time to walk instead of using buses .

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Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

k8izgr8's comment : how dare you not live your life according to their expectations. selfish...

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Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

choose8's comment : that's messed up

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Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 2:45pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

by THOMASisMYname / 07/06/2011 at 1:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

by anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 11:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

by siighh / 07/06/2011 at 10:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

by devilboy / 07/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

by Fmylife / 07/06/2011 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Health