Transportation: Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed...

By signinept - United States

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

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Transportation

Season finale

And today, on Dr Phil…

There's no helping some people

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

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By rockefoe - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 22:56

Help needed

Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML

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By technologyfail - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

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By brows - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

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By greeenbean - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By kylie - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Cloquet

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

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By thecathater - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

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By NiHao - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 02:00

Honest day's work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML

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By freed - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only staying with me because I’m getting him a signed poster for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

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By names suck and so do I - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

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By mishyb - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Le Rove

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

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By skidmark - United States

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

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By jostertoaster12 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 20:01

How's the diet going?

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

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By jasondrags - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

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By bruised_scrotum - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

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By bystander - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

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By BLEACH Gum

Great Success

Today, I decided to finally bleach my teeth. After 45 minutes of stinging pain, my teeth are still yellow as ever. My gums, on the other hand, are opaque white. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

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By Brony - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

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By GeoKid - Canada

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

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By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By NotAmericanIdol - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my stepmother proved once again that she likes to play favourites. She has no job, so anything she gifts comes from my dad’s account. On my last birthday, I got £5 on a cheap card. Today, my step-brother's birthday, he got £400 and an iPad. He’s 4 years old. FML

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Top comments

By Stunt_fml | 5

#573512 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:50

My suggestion.. read the sign. It's less hassle and involves no thinking until AFTER YOU'VE READ THE SIGN!

By brkn_hearted | 0

#573506 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:48

stupid ass

COMMENTS

By brkn_hearted | 0

#573506 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:48

stupid ass

JStromberg | 0

#573664 - Saturday 19 September 2009 12:28

._.

omgyoukilledkeny | 0

#574064 - Saturday 19 September 2009 16:53

Duuuuude 666 agree. Holy crap holy crap holy crap. It's the
devils post!!!
EDIT:damn now 675.FML.

By prettybadfuckup | 0

#573508 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:49

you're just kind of stupid. but i've done worse =)

By Stunt_fml | 5

#573512 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:50

My suggestion.. read the sign. It's less hassle and involves no thinking until AFTER YOU'VE READ THE SIGN!

By Apocalyptus | 0

#573513 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:50

Come on, you didn't even check the timetable?

By KJRx | 0

#573516 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:51

fail.

By Axiomatt | 0

#573525 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:54

you're an idiot, the reason your life sucks is due to this.

By Boldmongoose | 0

#573534 - Saturday 19 September 2009 9:59

All I can say is, well more of an action...*Facepalm*

By null_fml | 11

#573556 - Saturday 19 September 2009 10:12

Well they do look exactly the same from the back, but you should have checked if it was your first time using that bus route, or already known if it wasn't.

YDI, unless they removed a stop that you're used to without posting an announcement on it for weeks in advance, which I doubt.

By Intoxicunt | 5

#573589 - Saturday 19 September 2009 10:42

Nice name, OP. :)
What would be better is if the bus you were waiting for drove by and splashed you with water from a puddle.

By sebbo99 | 0

#573591 - Saturday 19 September 2009 10:43

YOU IDIOT. CHECK THE SIGN, DUMBASS