All the FMLs

By FrOsTy25 - 13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 783

You deserved it 7 650

By sophie - 13/04/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 806

You deserved it 5 765

By CollegeBoy - 13/04/2011 13:07 - Canada

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 614

You deserved it 3 673

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 10:19 - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 568

You deserved it 8 130

By Username - 13/04/2011 07:05

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 16 498

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 651

You deserved it 41 004

By Kevin - 12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 11 344

Biker

By scottskidee - 12/04/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 532

You deserved it 25 092

By ihaveahome - 12/04/2011 16:02 - Czech Republic

Today, at 6am I was waiting for the tram to go home from my late night job. A homeless man came up to me and offered to buy me a beer because "guys like us have to stick together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 936

You deserved it 4 942

By JT - 12/04/2011 14:19 - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 324

You deserved it 13 430

By sadcase - 12/04/2011 14:01 - Australia

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 261

You deserved it 138 855

By anon - 12/04/2011 10:09

Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 8 335

By BrokeAndPsst - 12/04/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 226

You deserved it 14 930

By husks - 12/04/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 12 444

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 405

You deserved it 3 346

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 4 191

By sproket - 11/04/2011 23:37

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 2 682

By stolen - 11/04/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 103

You deserved it 5 352

By shorty - 11/04/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 722

You deserved it 4 870

By Got_any_grapes1 - 11/04/2011 17:23 - United States

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 20 254

By ac32 - 11/04/2011 16:05 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 348

You deserved it 9 721

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 794

You deserved it 6 277

By Shamdog48 - 11/04/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 873

You deserved it 3 749

Left on read

By Ignored - 11/04/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 550

You deserved it 12 251

What, me worry?

By anonymous - 11/04/2011 03:26

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said, "See you in Kansas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 8 278

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 3 892

By Frazzled - 10/04/2011 10:59 - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 569

You deserved it 11 306

Smoke break

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 915

You deserved it 30 739

By Monique - 10/04/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 129

You deserved it 10 802

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 316

You deserved it 4 524

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 424

You deserved it 656

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 653

You deserved it 828

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 299

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 20 483

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 385

You deserved it 8 542

Today, I was super proud of myself for organizing my entire wardrobe. As I went to admire my work, I pulled out a sweater and knocked over the entire shelf of shoes. Now everything's on the floor and I can’t find my favourite pair of socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 158