By foreverashamed - 04/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book was written by a 9 year-old kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 644
You deserved it 6 823

Same thing different taste

Top comments

SugarCrazy 14

Maybe you can learn something...

saIty 17

Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties

Comments

SugarCrazy 14

Maybe you can learn something...

So in other words OP just got owned by a child... Awesome...

Exactly, I don't see the problem here. OP's just butthurt that a 9-year-old can get some while he can't.

Buttsexpirate 9

Why didn't he just do the responsible thing and buy you a hooker? Or take you to a strip club?

i_amthe_walrus 0

Oh god. Justin Bieber strikes again.

It's obvious that the 9 year old is a player.

13FTW 9

I would ask advice from buttsexpirate. With a name like that he's gotta be good with girls!

mandypandypants 4

because hes not charlie sheen's dad

rofflewaffle 9

Perhaps you should get him a book on coping with having a gay son. :)

Talking is hard o.o ...first world problems...

I've read the book. The kid actually knows what he's talking about.

stevenJB 25

ThE young have good some good insights....sometimes

aruam365 24

Well... lots of girls / women love little kids. You always see girls fawning over babies and little kids, so maybe they know something that could help!

Better than having Arabic parents that try to kill you every time they see you talking to a girl…

I'm the author, and I'm working on a sequel that covers what to do once your balls have dropped.

Dude, a nine year-old kid gets more ass than you do. I don't think I need to point out how sad that is.

ikickgingers 15

Like, me too... Totally. ??? Are we making a statement or asking a question? I am slightly confused... This happens quite often.

I think the saddest part is that a nine year old is getting any at all. What has happened to society to make that even a little bit ok?

63- I totally agree with you, which makes OP's situation even worse, in my opinion. Pre-pubescents get laid more often than he does. I look for a dramatic rise in herpes and AIDS cases worldwide if this trend continues.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Dude where i live nine year olds have STDs

omgitsmeaja 3

you'd be surprised at how much kids know

ikickgingers 15

I thought this was going to say he was going to buy you a hooker. Slightly saddened by this.

MaskingTape 2

Depending on quality, which shouldn't matter for you since you have nothing for comparison, he could've spent the same on a hooker as he did your book.

I don't know, kicky. Do guys really want their first sexual experience to be a paid lady of the night? And after, he's still back to square one.

ikickgingers 15

I don't have a penis, not a real one. After 21 years though... I'd be like Jim jefferies... Put me in a cage with anything and I'd **** it.

perdix 29

No, Enslaved, I'm with Kicky on this one. A guy doesn't want his first time (or hundred) to be with a woman he loves. He'll just embarrass the both of them. Think of it from the hooker's point of view -- she doesn't mind if you are a bit fast to the finish line. In fact, hookers love preemies -- it makes their hourly rate go way up! The optimal situation is for a guy to have a lot of practice under his belt ;) before he whips it out in front of someone important.

leadman1989 15

56 - I love Jim Jeffries... I know this will be thumbed down but I had to say that.

Me too! Would've been better for the op lol

56 oh god i love jim jeffries too, i believe he is funnier than chris rock! Probably gonms get thumbed down for that as well but you people should search for him on youtube

Gonna* damn iphone too little keyboard for my fingers

quiet_Wyatt 0

You don't need a book man, does a lion need a book to know that it needs to pounce on gazelle? No! It's written on its DNA, pounce on that f*cking gazelle. Now go out, and use your damn lion instincts!!!

marpay 11

So you want him to go out, stalk and attack some woman?

gunmania0 12

40 year old virgin quote ftw!

tackle drunk bitches, not to drunk tho clinicaly alive

perdix 29

That's great if you want to have sex with a gazelle.

^ It was funny til this d00d showed up. .-.

Well considering you never had a girlfriend you should take all the help you can get.

saIty 17

Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties

If you like her, pull her hair to seal the deal.

Eating glue is a no.Playdough is fine as long as it's in the shape of a real food.