Miscellaneous: Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose....

By farhia97 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Slasher

Kick the bum out, part 2

By anon - United Kingdom

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37722

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2265

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By magicman - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34570

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By gorillalove - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

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44159

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10519

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By firedofbirthday - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26151

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6897

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By dude i am so sorry - United States - Richmond

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13251

You deserved it

4194

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By neverbeensurprised - United States

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19119

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12985

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61076

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30996

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16434

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By N - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34682

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5344

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By Decker - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22980

You deserved it

5515

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By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

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28257

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By InnocenceBlue

Today, as always, my mother hates my life choices. Particularly my hair for some reason. As she's always whinging about it being dyed blonde, I dyed it back to my natural colour again to appease her, and stop the constant bullying. She hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

You deserved it

178

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By Anonymous

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1854

You deserved it

174

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By eww657 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42190

You deserved it

3852

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By driver - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

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40485

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2629

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By mellbelle32 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43070

You deserved it

3475

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51871

You deserved it

415969

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By JRock - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46810

You deserved it

4851

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By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37249

You deserved it

19615

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By Alex - United States

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10148

You deserved it

58904

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By Anonymous

This ain't gonna end well

Today, my partner of 5 years and I sat down to talk because I expressed hope for a proposal in near future. He instead believed that we should wait, and talk about a potential future for us in another two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

247

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By ineedanotherdrink - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49625

You deserved it

5360

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

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27334

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5367

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By Painfulfaceforme - Canada

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8740

You deserved it

31103

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By Bunni - Australia

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14793

You deserved it

30019

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By TheJoker - United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62540

You deserved it

3178

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By Fuckup - United States - Naples

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42898

You deserved it

10533

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By PeppermintPenny

Been There

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3599

You deserved it

1348

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By Anonymous - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22092

You deserved it

1448

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By Username - Australia

Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36604

You deserved it

4909

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By Anonymous - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25478

You deserved it

4999

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By metalmeow

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

184

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By emilyxoxoxo - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55539

You deserved it

37017

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By notready - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51860

You deserved it

6757

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By Anoymous - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54544

You deserved it

3661

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51243

You deserved it

5761

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By ewww - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40639

You deserved it

4004

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By SkottLong - United States - Logan

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30251

You deserved it

8384

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62170

You deserved it

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By sucksssssss - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34071

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Top comments

By Nico1929 | 5

#3557456 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I WAS CURIOUS!!!

By kimmiekimmiekong | 0

#3557516 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:14

dumb ass *red foreman voice*

COMMENTS

By Nico1929 | 5

#3557456 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I WAS CURIOUS!!!

changesinme | 0

#3557536 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:19

it's not easy being minty

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3557571 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:27

Today, I lost faith in humanity even more. FML

awagh666 | 14

#3557611 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:35

So many places to stick things in, and OP sticks it up the nose. Tsk tsk

Choose_Wisely | 5

#3558594 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:22

if it was one of those peppermint patties.. whoa...

FreshlyCut | 0

#3558622 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:30

Why so curious george?

WillyHorse19 | 4

#3558699 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:03

I moderated this one :D

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3558753 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:35

(16)
Today, I learned people still have faith in humanity, WTF

FarSide | 22

#3561592 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 5:08

Like a breath mint? Or the kind they put in the bottom of men's urinals?

trollfaced | 2

#3561933 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 7:42

Altoids - curiously strong mints

rdvfyubuyg | 1

#3570551 - Friday 11 November 2011 1:58

I putting a tic tac up my nose but it doesn't hurt what the hell?

MondRubberduck | 24

#5974160 - Friday 13 June 2014 16:06

Curiosity is the Cats death

By ladyvader401 | 5

#3557460 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I sincerely hope you at least made some money off your friends in exchange for that one.

yankfan89 | 27

#3557803 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 11:35

If not she is an idiot for doing it for free

By fiju | 15

#3557462 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

why would you do that? -.-

neverletup21 | 2

#3562763 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 14:25

Question is,y WOULDNT! He do that!?

himoonkey | 8

#3566092 - Thursday 10 November 2011 3:06

Fuck 105 I was gonna say that >:L

himoonkey | 8

#3566094 - Thursday 10 November 2011 3:06

Fuck 105 I was gonna say that >:L

lil_ham1644 | 29

#5849920 - Thursday 6 February 2014 0:23

She

By toxicpinkcandy | 10

#3557475 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:09

Did u mistake it for coke?

Nico1929 | 5

#3557497 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:11

It's a mentos... They're the fresh maker...

FreeDrawn | 7

#3558171 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:46

because coke always goes up your nose :)

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3558732 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:21

44 - kid, you're 15. You realize by now what kind of coke they meant

By deviable | 9

#3557488 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:11

Sticking something up your nose is always a bad idea.

salsa324 | 0

#3561574 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 5:02

Orly because I stuck a mint up my nose and it got stuck. Ok it is a bad idea!!!!!

pedosmurf | 7

#4111304 - Thursday 1 March 2012 21:33

When I was little I put a popcorn kernel in my ear but I was five you have downs

By bacon1043 | 3

#3557500 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Future doctor over here!

DynamicDave | 11

#3557545 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:21

Dang the mods are fast. Comment I had here is now irrelevant.

By bacon1043 | 3

#3557502 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Future doctor over here!

By Lanaee123 | 0

#3557506 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

Dumbass

By Draxanoth | 15

#3557510 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

Now when you sneeze it will be minty fresh!!

By Clubkicker_fml | 0

#3557514 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

You don't need to say it twice