Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose....

By farhia97 - 8/11/2011 02:14 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7200

You deserved it

54649

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Banished

Vultures

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Timmah - 31/8/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51158

You deserved it

15729

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/8/2012 16:45 - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26109

You deserved it

2224

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/2/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25264

You deserved it

12626

Favorite

By obtuse_ballsack - 4/6/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26562

You deserved it

2735

Favorite

By Gonzales - 7/8/2015 19:47 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26578

You deserved it

5605

Favorite

By agnosticstudy - 28/1/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11866

You deserved it

27646

Favorite

By Selina - 22/6/2013 22:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49658

You deserved it

5305

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 00:32 - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34554

You deserved it

6784

Favorite

By cheaphubbyswife - 4/4/2009 09:19 - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80359

You deserved it

5958

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2015 07:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26725

You deserved it

5087

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2012 00:00 - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36424

You deserved it

4657

Favorite

By goodgrief - 5/3/2013 05:08 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41400

You deserved it

4907

Favorite

By - 18/4/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1907

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By flaps - 19/8/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10685

You deserved it

95213

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 14:00

Dad jokes, part 43884

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1584

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51725

You deserved it

8728

Favorite

By thiswouldhappen. - 17/3/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54418

You deserved it

264845

Favorite

By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3062

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56454

You deserved it

2452

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/2/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17047

You deserved it

42049

Favorite

By eagerbeaver - 3/9/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44041

You deserved it

8854

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23678

You deserved it

5925

Favorite

By dinosaur - 10/1/2011 10:35 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31095

You deserved it

3186

Favorite

By Evjoel - 28/6/2016 10:34 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11539

You deserved it

1074

Favorite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'll be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40929

You deserved it

3803

Favorite

By MissArizona - 8/8/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27360

You deserved it

4003

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 00:33 - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29315

You deserved it

6710

Favorite

By Emily S - 9/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13279

You deserved it

40229

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2010 16:56 - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29875

You deserved it

10281

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 23:29 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43722

You deserved it

12116

Favorite

By Elizabeth Ann - 4/10/2019 22:00

Technically, that's stealing

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1529

You deserved it

126

Favorite

By Embarrassed - 5/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2954

You deserved it

403

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 04:09

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13761

You deserved it

2405

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/1/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9481

You deserved it

32284

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 01:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35719

You deserved it

4365

Favorite

By Charity Taylor - 5/10/2019 18:00

Totally worth it

Today, after 8 years of being guinea-pigged for medical testing that "might work" on my ribcage for chronic pain, I finally caved and tried going to a pain clinic. The doctors' responses mostly consisted of, "That's weird" and, "That doesn't make any sense." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23199

You deserved it

10134

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 07:44 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41157

You deserved it

4574

Favorite

By why god - 25/11/2013 06:16 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74725

You deserved it

6306

Favorite

By Tori - 16/2/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32213

You deserved it

4991

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nico1929 | 5

#3557456 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I WAS CURIOUS!!!

By kimmiekimmiekong | 0

#3557516 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:14

dumb ass *red foreman voice*

COMMENTS

By Nico1929 | 5

#3557456 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I WAS CURIOUS!!!

changesinme | 0

#3557536 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:19

it's not easy being minty

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3557571 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:27

Today, I lost faith in humanity even more. FML

awagh666 | 14

#3557611 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:35

So many places to stick things in, and OP sticks it up the nose. Tsk tsk

Choose_Wisely | 5

#3558594 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:22

if it was one of those peppermint patties.. whoa...

FreshlyCut | 0

#3558622 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:30

Why so curious george?

WillyHorse19 | 4

#3558699 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:03

I moderated this one :D

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3558753 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:35

(16)
Today, I learned people still have faith in humanity, WTF

FarSide | 22

#3561592 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 5:08

Like a breath mint? Or the kind they put in the bottom of men's urinals?

trollfaced | 2

#3561933 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 7:42

Altoids - curiously strong mints

rdvfyubuyg | 1

#3570551 - Friday 11 November 2011 1:58

I putting a tic tac up my nose but it doesn't hurt what the hell?

MondRubberduck | 24

#5974160 - Friday 13 June 2014 16:06

Curiosity is the Cats death

By ladyvader401 | 5

#3557460 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

I sincerely hope you at least made some money off your friends in exchange for that one.

yankfan89 | 27

#3557803 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 11:35

If not she is an idiot for doing it for free

By fiju | 15

#3557462 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:07

why would you do that? -.-

neverletup21 | 2

#3562763 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 14:25

Question is,y WOULDNT! He do that!?

himoonkey | 8

#3566092 - Thursday 10 November 2011 3:06

Fuck 105 I was gonna say that >:L

himoonkey | 8

#3566094 - Thursday 10 November 2011 3:06

Fuck 105 I was gonna say that >:L

lil_ham1644 | 29

#5849920 - Thursday 6 February 2014 0:23

She

By toxicpinkcandy | 10

#3557475 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:09

Did u mistake it for coke?

Nico1929 | 5

#3557497 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:11

It's a mentos... They're the fresh maker...

FreeDrawn | 7

#3558171 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:46

because coke always goes up your nose :)

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3558732 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:21

44 - kid, you're 15. You realize by now what kind of coke they meant

By deviable | 9

#3557488 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:11

Sticking something up your nose is always a bad idea.

salsa324 | 0

#3561574 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 5:02

Orly because I stuck a mint up my nose and it got stuck. Ok it is a bad idea!!!!!

pedosmurf | 7

#4111304 - Thursday 1 March 2012 21:33

When I was little I put a popcorn kernel in my ear but I was five you have downs

By bacon1043 | 3

#3557500 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Future doctor over here!

DynamicDave | 11

#3557545 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:21

Dang the mods are fast. Comment I had here is now irrelevant.

By bacon1043 | 3

#3557502 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Future doctor over here!

By Lanaee123 | 0

#3557506 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

Dumbass

By Draxanoth | 15

#3557510 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

Now when you sneeze it will be minty fresh!!

By Clubkicker_fml | 0

#3557514 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:13

You don't need to say it twice