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Put a thick layer of glue on your fingers and let it dry completely. After it's good and dry, peel the glue off and it should pull at least some of the splinters out. Also, call your doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours.

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I'm about to tell an actually relevant story about a cactus. About 2 years ago, I licked one, and I didn't get a single little splinter.

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Damn dillon, only the first time? My scrotum looks like it was given a handjob by Edward scissorhands. Got any tips?

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The green part actually was velvety. The spots on it had the tiny thorns that you couldn't see. My mom had expressed an interest in that type of cactus previously. I don't live in Texas (or Arizona where I'm vacationing) I'm from Massachusetts, and I'm a girl. Does that basically answer all the questions?

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#142 it doesn't matter how much candy he offers you, it's never a good Idea to let edward scissorhands anywhere near your scrotum. Just saying

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Come on 154. Can I call you Sarah? Sarah, we're joking with you. It's understandable to joke about an FML. It is a humor website after all...

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I know exactly how this goes---from childhood expereince grabbing a potted cactus to see how the fuzzy stuff felt....

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You're welcome! :) I'm just glad I could help you get pissed at me over the Internet! Have a great life! :) hahaha

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Yeah, spell check isn't THAT off. I have a feeling it was the user. You seem to be quite capable of reading, so you should be able to read a sentence and make corrections grammatically.

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There should be a question mark at the end of the second sentence, why should be what, and there should be no space between "retarded" and the "?" F. See me after class.

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33. I would like to point out that since you are such a "grammar Nazi", theres no such sentence with so many exclamation marks on it. So therefore you failed grammartically. :(

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Yea, if you're going to try to blame spell check... You should at least try to spell the intended word correctly. "Wat" is in no way, shape, or form "what"... And it's that kind of crap that makes me glad I'm not a moron, or from your generation. Call me a grammar Nazi all you want, I'd rather not see the English language go down the toilet out of laziness for what... One simple letter?

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160 you are a moron. If you are going to say Canadians are stupid and do not use proper grammar, then you should punctuate your sentences properly. Also checking your spelling would also help before hitting the submit button.

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I can't stand people who constantly correct spelling & grammer, especially where technology is concerned. It's rude and you look uptight. I got the jist of it and kinda agree. Who picks up a cactus like that and expects different results?

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195- wow bring my generation into this. Just because I used exclamation marks as a joke now my entire generation is being brought into this. Look, I use this website for fun. I also piss people off on this website. So while you may watch this religiously and find any time to jump on somebody's back, go ahead. Meanwhile, since I'm a retarded 9th grader that is as intelligent as a 6th grader, I'm going to continue living my every day life!!! O look, an improper sentence, how bad of me.

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Yes, I am bawling. It's called sarcasm. I use it 24/7 because it's fun. I am the worst thing that has ever happened to society. I can't go on anymore man. Look what you did to me. Over this website. O look, a sentence fragment. I just keep having emotional breakdowns on here. I have to apologize over this.

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Well go ahead I have nothing better to do. I did my homework, went to swimming and marching band practice. Now I'm just pissing you off and watching two and a half men. Any more comments you want to say about me?

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All right obviously we are both using sarcasm. When type (for example right now) I'm not being serious no matter what it seems. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being friends with you. That isn't sarcasm there. It's up to you, continue bitching at each other or just ending this.

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This is me throwing in my two cents... The importance of grammar can mean the difference between: "Helping my Uncle Jack of his horse." And... "Helping my uncle jack off his horse."

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Well, I actually knew a 16 year old middle schooler. He was in 8th grade and finally gave up and dropped out.

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And when I said this, I meant that when you think of cactus, you usually think sharp, painful spikes on a plant

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I think Mother Nature did that for them. If the pointy-ass spines aren't enough warning on their own, the flowers will do it. Have you ever smelled a cactus flower?

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