Today, my friend and I were walking down my neighborhood when...

By StolenCarz - 9/3/2016 12:30 - United States - Asheville

Today, my friend and I were walking down my neighborhood when he joked that my car was being stolen when one that looked exactly like it passed. It was my car. FML

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StolenCarz Say more :

Was able to get it recovered, the perpetrator is now in jail :) thanks everyone

Transportation

Everyone's an expert

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Compassion

By obviously not the favorite - 5/7/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

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By Razz - 15/7/2015 22:02 - Australia - Lilydale

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2018 14:00

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

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By Xandar - 9/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

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By noway6000 - 3/3/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

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By jeed(1) - 25/8/2013 21:36 - France - Marseille

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

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By Username - 9/7/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

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By AnnieTheKitteh - 1/3/2018 19:00

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

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By notyoueallie - 20/8/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

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By anon - 12/4/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

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By ohno. - 19/8/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 04:04 - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

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By LuckyLoser9 - 3/11/2011 15:44 - United States

Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss' use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2012 02:39 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I received my first payment of child support from my estranged husband: $50 and a note that said he wouldn't be paying any more. FML

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By gumpy - 25/2/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 07:09 - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

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By anonymous - 10/1/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

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By combo - 28/2/2010 09:12 - France

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

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By "lk07" - 27/10/2017 23:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

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By Ouch - 26/10/2019 22:00

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

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By Customer Stonage Representative - 21/10/2011 12:10 - Canada

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

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By nemi - 31/8/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

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By Buzz - 28/11/2008 05:35 - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager". FML

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By Violet - 19/4/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

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By royallymessedup - 14/8/2016 13:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

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By stabbed with kindness - 2/3/2013 21:44 - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

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By iGreen - 9/7/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

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By sober judge - 3/10/2013 03:46 - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

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By oconron - 6/3/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By for fuck sake dad - 2/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

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By shawty - 22/8/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 14:00

Littered

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML

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Top comments

By ndnpride88 | 25

#6555624 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:30

Hopefully you got a good look at the driver

By tehman117 | 21

#6555619 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:28

At least you have all the information so the police can find it? Sorry dude. FYL

Comments

By tehman117 | 21

#6555619 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:28

At least you have all the information so the police can find it? Sorry dude. FYL

By FragrantSalmon | 12

#6555620 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:28

RIPerooni my careless friend

SpyroMello | 27

#6555806 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 22:14

In this case, Batman, you are not helpful.

By secretmisery05 | 25

#6555621 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:28

Did you see the perpetrator?

By ndnpride88 | 25

#6555624 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:30

Hopefully you got a good look at the driver

By Steve97 | 32

#6555627 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:32

Honda Civic Owner's problems.

By NightOWL666 | 14

#6555630 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:34

Well, at least your friend warned you. Still sucks OP. Hopefully you reported it stolen before posting here.

By CODplayer4lyfe | 24

#6555633 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

CODplayer4lyfe | 24

#6555755 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 20:53

I'm not sure what I was thinking, I thought the people who stole it had parked it and OP walked past it parked. Oops, I guess I can't read today

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6555638 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:38

So where's your keys?

By coltmerriman | 15

#6555641 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:39

File a report ASAP!!!

By mswim | 27

#6555643 - Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:40

Damn. File a police report, thankfully you have all the information. But that really sucks. I hope they find your car soon!