All the FMLs

By nikto - 03/06/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 3 961

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 138

You deserved it 5 959

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 10 783

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 14:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 031

You deserved it 3 082

By ohcrap - 02/06/2011 10:05 - United States

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 256

You deserved it 36 430

By meyo555 - 02/06/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 306

You deserved it 4 790

By thanksmom - 02/06/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 929

You deserved it 2 997

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 955

You deserved it 3 520

By Unemployed - 02/06/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 005

You deserved it 3 602

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 635

You deserved it 18 382

By evomadrid24 - 02/06/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 198

You deserved it 2 802

By GTR - 02/06/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 271

You deserved it 3 338

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 856

You deserved it 29 543

Pooptown

By L…… - 01/06/2011 20:40

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 110

You deserved it 3 137

They call him Mighty Force

By Stiny - 01/06/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 309

You deserved it 15 648

By trafficfail - 01/06/2011 16:43

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 796

You deserved it 2 833

By quickfingers100 - 01/06/2011 16:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 666

You deserved it 48 086

Just a prank, bro

By iscreamforicecream - 01/06/2011 11:53 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 473

You deserved it 5 756

By Username - 01/06/2011 08:09 - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 246

You deserved it 4 396

By Lifeless - 01/06/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 12 468

Where am I?

By 2ndplacechamp - 01/06/2011 05:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 9 476

By nofriends - 01/06/2011 04:28 - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 372

You deserved it 15 055

By Anonymous - 01/06/2011 00:50 - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 8 658

It's the thought that counts…

By Loveandpoetry - 31/05/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 941

You deserved it 5 375

Secret Weeb

By chickennbenchpress - 31/05/2011 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in, in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It's the Pokémon theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 076

You deserved it 81 631

By kaleigh - 31/05/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 10 202

By Ann - 31/05/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 202

You deserved it 4 908

By Taurus_ChicKa - 31/05/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my computer smashed into a hundred pieces. My dad threw it at my mom because they were having a fight and my computer was the closest thing to throw. He refuses to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 950

You deserved it 3 190

Taurus_ChicKa tells us more.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:19

OP here, let me clear it up. Mom blamed my computer for something I said so she thought I was turning spaghetti brained and demanded Dad to unhook it. Menopause is a bitch. So after hours of this Dad yanked the comp out and threw it NOT directly at Mom but...