All the FMLs

By illenram06 - 11/07/2011 15:37 - Philippines

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 805

You deserved it 6 700

Noise annoys

By cocacoola - 11/07/2011 14:24 - Iceland

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 4 323

By leahneedssleep - 11/07/2011 10:53 - Canada

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 6 750

By Vic - 11/07/2011 09:00 - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 4 036

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 617

You deserved it 3 290

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 900

You deserved it 9 467

By MotherofET - 11/07/2011 04:23 - Australia

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 4 519

By muffintop - 11/07/2011 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 205

You deserved it 13 582

By asianjoe - 11/07/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 2 793

Well played

By tomcat69 - 11/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year-old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 277

You deserved it 7 828

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 368

You deserved it 15 870

By worstfatherever - 10/07/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 3 687

Great news

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 829

You deserved it 2 998

By Mary - 10/07/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 384

You deserved it 6 829

By ugly - 10/07/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 3 519

By ilovedirt - 10/07/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 341

You deserved it 3 778

By Lame - 10/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 953

You deserved it 6 799

Taking it too far

By wolf boy - 10/07/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 6 163

By meggiemouse - 09/07/2011 18:00 - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 814

You deserved it 14 413

By Beanzbeanz - 09/07/2011 15:19 - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 058

You deserved it 10 528

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 567

You deserved it 3 634

By JohnyP - 09/07/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 524

You deserved it 3 530

By dsbass09 - 09/07/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 908

You deserved it 5 578

By supergingerr11 - 09/07/2011 05:55 - United States

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 586

You deserved it 3 072

By anon - 09/07/2011 04:48 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her it meant that they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 239

You deserved it 7 420

By Username - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 540

You deserved it 8 179

I'm happy for you, but…

By OnlyMee - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 904

You deserved it 9 990

Scammed

By Anonymous - 09/07/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111

You deserved it 4 597

By Anonyme - 09/07/2011 00:11 - France

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 84 005

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 486

You deserved it 6 318

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The Top

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 3 866

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 2 917

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 537

You deserved it 4 002

Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of seagulls rushed into my stall, followed by a group of kids chasing them. I guess the noise from tearing open a pad sounded enough like a bag of chips for them to think there was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 828

You deserved it 332

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 230

Today, I accidentally called my Dad “Babe” on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 750