By owwwwwe - 09/01/2012 21:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
I agree, your life sucks 11 978
You deserved it 24 744

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I think people who bad grammar is are face.

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Never trust self tanners.

I think that people who get unnatural tans and to self conscious.

I think people who bad grammar is are face.

You should already know that OP... Jersey Shore isn't for just pure entertainment...

Interesting fact, lobsters can be blue green or purple before cooked. But not red. NOT RED.

Now she can Zoidburg. Whoop Whoop Whoop.

you could have been a friendly ghost like Casper :'(

15- oo (V)uuuu(V)

14. You fail. Not true. They can be any of those colors, but they can also be red. I work at a petshop and sell them. Interesting fact : you should not state untrue interesting facts.

1 they're even eviler than potatoes.

43, that advice is useless. Clearly, it was an untrue, uninteresting fact.

I've heard it said before. It is a common myth just like that chameleons can change any color almost instantly to match their environnement. It's rubbish.

I just banged someone I met on hoookupstonight.gu.ma

Im not educated about tans so forgive me for asking but do tans like that go away?

Nope, op is stuck like that forever.

98: You can always scrub the self-tanner out/exfoliate, preferably with a loofah. It fades if you don't reapply it after a week or so, anyway.

108 says it never goes away, 135 says otherwise o_o Who to believe!? Dx

Don't worry. Everyone's eyes will still be on you ;D

And your lobster legs. :P

Sexy and I know it ;)

This FML made me hungry for Red Lobster...

How about a krabby patty?

Well, if we are staying with the Spongebob theme it would be Larry the lobster. But, then again I also have to admit that Mr. Krabs is way cooler.

Larry the lobster is a D-Bag.

Larry the Lobster from Bikini Bottom...

Tried this one several years ago. I have red hair and ecema on my hands. My hands are now permanently orange. I just stick to traditional tanning now

How is that even possible? Your body naturally exfoliates itself on a regular basis and self-tanning lotions or sprays are only capable of sitting on the top layer of skin, therefore any bronzer in the lotion or spray would have been gone years ago.

Your a ginger why are you trying to tan yourself?

Seriously! Gingers look better pale and freckled, IMO.

ydi for being afraid to be yourself. but i have to admit that does suck :/

maybe op isn't afraid of being her self, maybe it's a confidence issue which is not the same. there'll be days when a girl (some), couldn't give a crap if she looks like the back end of a horse but there'll be others where we need to put on make up or hair products or tanning products to make us feel like we're happy with the way we look. editing ones appearance does not mean they're afraid.

You're doing it wrong

Wow, aren't you the smart one...???

Well you're right, but still, my comment wasn't even close to as intelligent as your thoughtful response.

yeah but cradle6 is a pretty cool guy

He's cute too ;)

you're cute too, astro16. that diagonal slash across your blank face really accentuates your beauty!

damn, i didn't get complimented. my ego is dead

Hey now, maybe the diagonal slash is trendy where astro comes from. Or maybe, she's just highly unattractive :-D

With a head like that 85, what did you expect..

^ LOL. That fucked his day up. I know it did.

85- Good thing I never have that problem, people love Pepsi

I think pentium_4 is cute and he seems very sweet also :):):)

YDI for doing things the jersey shore cast does!

Good logic! Don't do anything the Jersey Shore Cast does, including but not limited to eating, sleeping, breathing, living, etc

128, what are you talking about? those things on that show are not human: I'm convinced that they are some sort of robot programed to brainwash the masses by acting stupid.... >_>

Self tanners are a joke. Either embrace your milky whiteness, or tan under the sun. Fake tans neither look good, nor help your production of vitamin D.

Thank you for the incomprehensible, unstructured, run-on sentence.

In health class, we wathed a movie on skin care and skin cancer that said self tanners are actually better for your skin. It said that tanning outside would be more dangerous(because of skin cancer) than helpful(for vitamin d).

Educate yourself first before saying indoor tanning does not produce vitamin D3. In fact, it does. Depending on the solar reading and time spent within the bed, you can get the same amount of vitamin D3 as you would from a pill from the pharmacy, if not more. Plus pills are water-soluable therefore often times just washed out when you go to the bathroom. Vitamin D3 made from the UV rays can be stored within the liver so that if an infection occurs in the body, it has a back up supply. Lesson for the day.

69, Who are you talking to? You are correct, but I don't see where anyone said that indoor tanning does not produce vitamin D. If your reply was to me, you would see that I was referring to self tanners (lotions / sprays).

Actually people with depression sometimes go fake tanning in a tanning bed bc it helps the persons skin absorb the rays from the bulbs.

79 - I was under the impression the "fake tanning" you were referring to was indoor bed tanning, since it's a given that a lotion or spray definitely cannot provide you with any vitamins. Disregard my comment in that case

Vitamin D is incredibly important and most people are woefully deficient. Remember that humans have survived with the sun for millions of years. It's not the plague. It's the people who put on baby oil before tanning, or try a variety of stupid things that give the sun a bad rap. I personally don't recommend indoor tanning because some of the beds are pretty dangerous (and some are much better, it depends on the type).

123 - Indoor tanning is perfectly safe as long as you know the tanning consultants (person at the desk operating the beds and making recommendations) is certified. All consultants at my workplace are fully licenced and have passed the Smart Tan examination.

Don't do this shit for yourself. Get a professional! Or just stick with the ghost white legs...

Girls who like to tan are just making themselves uglier.

Not really, but it can get to the point where it's disgusting.

Yes people, keep thumbing me down, I'm just a tanning consultant who sees hundreds of women who tan every day I work. What would I know about people looking nice with tans?

And I'm Hispanic and actually tan, have never tanned in my life but people who fake tan look extremely ugly, they should just tan using the sun.

121 - So, I'm ugly? I beg to differ.

127- I'm so pale that I stand next to snowmen and they look like black guys. I agree with the original statement, and I embrace my whiteness. Fake. Tans. Are. Ugly. Not to mention unnatural. If I wanted darker skin I'd deal with it. Hint: Darken your hair a shade or two, or else you'll fit in with the likes of Snooki soon. C: Your hair is a bit too light for that tan to be natural, or good-looking for that matter.

I never said that but yes you probably are ugly in real life and I shouldn't say anything because I live half an hour from Ottawa

129 - And you seem to be a bitch, which isn't flattering on anyone c: