Transportation: Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad,...

By Mark - 09/09/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 320

You deserved it 2 174

Transportation

Own it

Compromises

Taking stock

Freaked out

By radioinvader - 28/10/2012 12:29 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 486

You deserved it 3 748

By shots shots shots - 12/02/2013 07:41 - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 2 969

By helpme - 15/01/2013 07:23 - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 334

You deserved it 4 028

Deep desire

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 21:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. I finally have a good chance to get pregnant this month, and I'm ovulating today for the first time in 3 months. My husband has the flu, he's highly contagious for the next 24 hours, and has been asleep since I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 241

By Tamps - 13/02/2009 09:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 6 868

Hesitation

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 1 603

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 942

You deserved it 50 364

By convict possibly - 26/05/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 339

You deserved it 2 045

By Female - 22/01/2013 23:16 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 2 803

By CurseYouSonyaLee - 12/11/2013 15:27 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 174

You deserved it 5 526

By Were do we go... - 15/04/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 6 005

By chloecamp - 15/07/2014 03:35 - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 162

You deserved it 4 233

By anonymous - 29/01/2011 12:41 - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 709

You deserved it 8 919

By alittlepersonal - 05/10/2012 05:59 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 056

You deserved it 3 073

By DevastatedWoman - 11/08/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 2 013

By Around - 23/05/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 14 077

By dog got ur phone - 07/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 933

You deserved it 715

By sandra - 20/09/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 3 099

By Livewire - 01/01/2012 01:22 - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 7 508

By dumbbass - 24/02/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 676

You deserved it 9 305

By powerless - 14/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 108

By NotAnExcuse - 07/11/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497

You deserved it 2 361

By Female Struggles - 16/05/2014 23:20 - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 487

You deserved it 16 965

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 4 605

By sorkin15 - 24/03/2016 21:06 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 2 973

By unloved - 18/01/2010 05:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 2 737

By Noname - 17/03/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222 621

You deserved it 18 952

By Sleepy - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 548

You deserved it 69 783

By rangerluke - 25/02/2016 15:52 - United States

Today, I went to an indoor trampoline park. This would usually be fun, except that I got there, broke my ankle, and left in an ambulance, all before my friends even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 753

You deserved it 2 185

By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 793

You deserved it 10 258

By str3tch - 03/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 758

You deserved it 3 367

Grindr danger

By notagain - 07/03/2020 09:01

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 259

Retail work is hell

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a girl threatened to castrate me if I didn’t refund her for a remote control that SHE damaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 52

Bad day?

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 11:01

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 736

You deserved it 5 616

Apologetic

By mpsteve137 - 30/06/2012 06:21 - United States - Acworth

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 826

You deserved it 9 747

By antwo - 22/01/2012 04:50 - United States

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn't noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 6 352

How I met your step-father

By ConfusedAsf - 26/07/2021 08:03

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 133

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 398

You deserved it 5 168

By The hopeful - 26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 254

You deserved it 1 003

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Top comments

Jimster1712 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:09

Double kill!

Tookie22 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:11

Screw it. 2 insurance claims. Fix that bad boy up. Time at the shop will suck but maybe it can be a good thing and go ahead ad upgrade.

Jimster1712 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:09

Double kill!

Xtra_Cheddar 3

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:22

More like *double b*tch slap someone*

EvilPotato 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:24

Killing spree.

thatpreppyguy 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:25

At least if they backed into you, they are liable by law to pay fees

Slily1212 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:37

Worst. Day. Ever.

StopDropNRoll 11

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:40

I would say double tap. Zombieland ^_^

stro88 6

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Friday 9 September 2011 13:17

Sounds like pay day.

PurpleButterflyy 4

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:12

same thing happened to me a month ago , grrrrr, I could'nt believe it.

TheCylonmaster 3

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:57

Its a conspiracy!

dre_bro11 12

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:06

OP, that's just the new way of meeting people. You back into their car, take their details, and it goes from there. ;P

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:30

Not the threesome you had in mind huh?

FFPulley 9

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:54

Were they in the process of making a 12 point turn in a parking garage?

rexgar2000 10

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Friday 9 September 2011 16:31

more like "Double Points" get it?

flamerocker 9

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Friday 9 September 2011 19:12

Time to get a new parking spot! :D

truededication 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 20:34

r u hot?

That0therguy 4

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Friday 9 September 2011 21:10

Over kill

zachherbert 10

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Friday 9 September 2011 23:55

83- I think you burnt your toast.

False_Stupidity 41

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:50

69 - I saw that FML reference, looks like noone else picked up on it though... Good number BTW :)

hapetreefriend 1

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 8:17

Care package acquired (if you have warlord on)

Tookie22 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:11

Screw it. 2 insurance claims. Fix that bad boy up. Time at the shop will suck but maybe it can be a good thing and go ahead ad upgrade.

thatpreppyguy 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:27

No offense mate, but the 350z is a poor excuse to a sports vehicle ... You should invest in an AM or R8 ...

No_LoveMM 3

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Friday 9 September 2011 17:20

12 Are you trying to say he can't have a picture of his car on FML because you dont like the car?

sxe_beast 11

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Friday 9 September 2011 17:50

My brother's fiance has an R8. IMO its not that great.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 23:33

I have a 12 year old pontiac minivan. All of you bow to my antique glory.

Jaxx66 21

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Friday 9 September 2011 23:54

Ha! I have a 21 year old Mazda Navajo >_> she still runs dangit! An could take the hit from those two cars backing into her. XD.

thatpreppyguy 0

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Sunday 11 September 2011 1:43

My father has a db9 ..

xX_rawr_KiTTiEXx 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:13

*insert troll face here*

swasticop 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 13:41

-_-

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:26

*Insert logical statement about how you suck at trolling*

NomOnShroomz 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:46

*insert my penis in your mother's vagina* Now that's trolling.

fearqc 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 17:57

Lmfao

saIty 17

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:15

Like a good neighbor~ State Farm is there. WITH A (insert)!

Bbhd05 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:58

With a new fender!

indielove 13

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Friday 9 September 2011 13:13

And can I get a hot tub!

NomOnShroomz 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:48

With a bag of weed! And can I get some blunt wraps too?

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:55

Don't forget the mini-cooler full of body parts!

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:15

With a new girlfriend.

xDMACx12 7

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:16

Microwave full of kittens

stacianichole 2

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Friday 9 September 2011 15:43

??? Kittens!!

flockz 19

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Friday 9 September 2011 20:13

kittens.

cicpjaky 6

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Friday 9 September 2011 22:07

Modern warfare 3!!!

zachherbert 10

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Friday 9 September 2011 23:58

54 & 61 picture win!

ThePokemonMaster 5

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Saturday 10 September 2011 6:34

Level 100 Charizard

koolkat27 13

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Saturday 10 September 2011 10:11

nationwide just stole your ride

Enigmax2514 7

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:18

Op, try to off that huge magnet you're carrying before leaving home? That should help

RodStar 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:18

What a pain in the rear.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:23

Surprise bumper sex.

rexgar2000 10

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Friday 9 September 2011 16:33

it's not rape if you scream "Surprise!"

zachherbert 10

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Saturday 10 September 2011 3:04

Some call it rape, but to me it's just pear jumbled up.

Mini_Pedobear 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:23

that's why you don't smoke..

indielove 13

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Friday 9 September 2011 13:14

Smoking has nothing to do with this FML.

swasticop 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 13:43

It has everything to do with this fml. Didn't you read the part where the second guy ran into OPs car because he dropped his cigarette?

GabbyCharityM 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 14:16

34 - You my friend, are on the wrong fml. If this is sarcasm, I apologize. There's no sarcasm keyboard.

muchagente 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:28

i guess you'll have fun trying to prove wich one caused what damage exactly... you might get a regular fml-column. that's what you get for standing in everyone's way, of course.

oxemilyxo 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:28

Damn. Double hit.

mattdm91 0

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Friday 9 September 2011 12:29

Why is this an FML? You're not at fault and their insurance will pay for the damage. Stop being a little bitch boy.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 144

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