Work: Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking...

By lions214 - 11/01/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 2 918

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

You tried

Thanks, dad

By MineAlwaysTouching - 27/04/2017 18:00

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 1 764

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 223 624

You deserved it 35 678

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 382

You deserved it 3 498

By je_regrette_tout - 09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 153

You deserved it 66 058

By iAmJasper - 17/09/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 8 848

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 971

You deserved it 3 533

By HereKittyKitty - 01/12/2013 20:27 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 806

You deserved it 2 873

By krh14 - 10/02/2015 12:59 - United States - Crofton

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 329

You deserved it 5 174

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 878

You deserved it 13 216

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 454

You deserved it 9 435

By almostkilledmyself - 29/12/2012 07:30 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 198

You deserved it 32 237

By Miss_Kat - 29/08/2019 00:01

Today, I received a two-page letter/rant from my boss notifying me of my imminent dismissal, based on issues such as me "speaking in a suppressed voice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 126

Leave it

By caleighrossi - 16/06/2014 00:21 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 555

You deserved it 5 367

By Wally - 08/05/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 248

You deserved it 5 721

TMI FML

By Addison - 25/06/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 615

Send message

By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 518

You deserved it 2 403

Take the L, dude

By the real loser - 06/11/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I was going through different social media sites, laughing at the people from high school who’d either gotten fat or divorced or anything of the sort. Then I realized how sad it was to search out and still laugh at people from high school. I need to move on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 317

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 11:00

Today, my son had a screaming meltdown because I told him to clean his own room and that I refuse to be treated like his personal maid. He’s 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 342

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 167

You deserved it 3 422

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 377

You deserved it 6 240

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 190

You deserved it 2 784

By lekijkerd - 17/11/2012 13:56 - Netherlands - Leusden

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 670

You deserved it 32 248

By Again - 25/07/2015 16:55 - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 689

You deserved it 30 093

By fianceeless - 21/01/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 551

You deserved it 3 908

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 06:01

Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 3 227

By Deborah - 27/10/2011 06:41 - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 40 270

Generational trauma

By Laren - 24/09/2021 23:00

Today, I discovered my 17 year-old daughter has an eating disorder. When I confronted her, she confessed that she’s doing it because she wants to stay thin, so that her boyfriend doesn’t dump her like her father dumped me for not being thin enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 113

By Jorgen - 18/12/2015 01:45 - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 746

You deserved it 2 322

By :/ - 04/02/2013 00:26 - Netherlands - Nijkerk

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 123

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:50 - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 633

You deserved it 1 392

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 603

You deserved it 245

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 672

You deserved it 13 533

By Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 022

You deserved it 7 319

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 966

You deserved it 3 043

By CantBlink - 16/07/2012 18:25 - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 617

You deserved it 2 694

By anon - 14/01/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 3 660

By TSampson - 11/06/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 985

You deserved it 11 273

By great idea - 11/04/2013 00:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 370

You deserved it 3 861

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Top comments

Xathanos 16

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:56

Slash the wheels, lets see who laughs now.

xbrit551 13

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:54

Bitch slap her!

xbrit551 13

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:54

Bitch slap her!

tw1st3r 2

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:26

#20- Should I give you an hand to show you how it feels? OP hope your hand gets better!

Keyman1212 14

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 10:07

Fuck, this is from the United States. $20 says the bitch was morbidly obese and had a handicap parking pass from it. My mother with stage four cancer has to park out in the boonies and shuffle her way to the entrance, but Patty, who just got 100 chicken nuggets from Micky D's, can park her car up front and waddle her lard ass up to a motorized scooter. We reward and encourage fat fucks in this county. So sad, so sad... Edit: keep in mind I'm from the South, where most of the fatty's reside. And yes, Texas does consider Obesity to be a Handicap worthy thing.

GoW_Chick 14

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 10:55

So being fat is a handicap now? What is happening to the world

Keyman1212 14

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 11:00

According to the CDC, 64% of Handicapped drivers in Texas are defined as handicapped solely based upon being obese. I don't want to live on this planet any more.

causticgirl 6

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 15:39

Exactly!! When my mom was going through chemo - which was right next to the main hospital- there was always some fattie leaving their car in the cancer center parking because it was closer. I'd have to drop her off and park in BFE for every chemo session. Then we'd see the fattie getting in their car when we were leaving. Unbelievable!!

dumboears 8

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 18:03

Maybe that person also had cancer.

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 18:28

The doctors would remove the fat to get to the cancer. They're just lazy fucks. Dismantle the rascals!!!

tjv3 10

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Thursday 12 January 2012 1:56

What nationality was she??

baconstrips 12

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Thursday 12 January 2012 8:28

Nooooooo take it like a man and continue on with life

Xathanos 16

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:56

Slash the wheels, lets see who laughs now.

markrs 0

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:30

Revenge is never the answer...next thing you know there'll be a worker Vs. motorized vehicle showdown in the store parking lot!

yahoowizard 16

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:50

Cue the "I've fallen and can't get up" commercial

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 10:01

*Enter "You need 'life-alert'" voice..

girl112891 7

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 12:52

If only carts wheels were slashable.

MatthewDmerrill 5

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Thursday 12 January 2012 1:00

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha made me laugh so much.

dav3800 7

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Thursday 12 January 2012 4:06

Should've knocked her off and then run over her. Suffice to say, make it her day.

xxkimmyt 9

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:56

Ouch, that mustve hurt.

fuzz97 23

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:59

OMG NO WAI!!1

Xathanos 16

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:59

Nope, it didn't because OP has hands made of steel.

Michael_92 20

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 13:38

Nah most people love getting their hands crushed...of course it hurt!!!! Dumbass

Torva_fml 16

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 14:22

Aren't those reserved for the fat people that are too lazy too walk through the store.

Insomniasenemy 6

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 15:42

Way to point put out the obvious #3.

AssassinsCRB 0

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Thursday 19 January 2012 1:34

No shit sherlock

onlychildFTW 33

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:56

Chase after her and throw the cans at her you were putting on the shelves. It'll teach her to be nicer and AT least say sorry. She sounds like one fat bitch to laugh at that.

CalCommando 6

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 12:34

"Sorry ma'am, I slipped and... just kidding, your an asswipe."

dumboears 8

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 18:04

The FML doesn't say she was fat.

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 18:31

Only fat people and decrepid old farts ride power chairs.

yearcity 0

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 20:58

fat should walk or starve

OhMinty 5

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 6:31

Oh no shes fat

stormer461 13

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:57

I just hope the cart isn't damaged from that unexpected speed bump.

KittyJay 3

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 8:58

well she's in a wheelchair... can't be that hard to get back at her... just as long as you don't mind losing your job.

Pentium_4 26

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 17:18

and possibly sued...gotta be so careful nowadays

darkmis1 17

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 18:42

Actually she's in a motorized scooter. A lot of Stores have those for their customers. For all we know, she could be one if those people who is just too fat and lazy to walk around on their own.