All the FMLs

Hi guys, OP here. The dealer was femalel, I doubt she was older than 25 and we managed to laugh it off. After me nearly dying from embarrassment she actually asked what the book was. And no, it wasn't 50 Shades of Grey. It was not just the description of the act that was so bad, it was the moans and groans that the narrator put along with it. It sounded like really bad **** - not that I know what that sounds like! Thing is I was shocked when it came up in the audiobook, which is why it was stopped at that part. Later on I listened to the rest of it and boy was I glad that I managed to stop it when I did. I am really thankful that I found out about this feature before I took my parents for a drive.

By Kimberpoo - 14/03/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 903

You deserved it 5 686

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 079

You deserved it 5 884

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 426

You deserved it 4 330

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 079

You deserved it 6 323

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 955

You deserved it 44 233

By KK3137 - 13/03/2013 14:50 - France

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 853

You deserved it 3 416

KK3137 tells us more.

KK3137 31

Thursday 14 March 2013 16:21

Actually, I'm 5 foot 1, so that explains the heels, and my brother was supposed to drive me, which is why I set out later in the first place.

Demonic

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 3 797

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 596

You deserved it 3 115

By PhailedMidterm - 12/03/2013 19:03 - United States - Mattapan

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 115

You deserved it 3 186

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 6 260

Get a grip

By Hopelesshomeless - 12/03/2013 18:35 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 217

You deserved it 2 931

By ShadowBox - 12/03/2013 16:43 - Netherlands - Herveld

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 664

You deserved it 5 636

ShadowBox tells us more.

ShadowBox 8

Monday 1 July 2013 8:37

I still tend to have weird dreams like these occasionally, except now they're less Romantic-Comedy, more Saw. -_- On the bright side, I did meet someone a few weeks ago ^.^ Nothing official but we're getting there.

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 079

You deserved it 3 122

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 23:32 - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 6 581

By Sir_ND_Pity - 11/03/2013 19:57 - United States - Fresno

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 3 551

Sir_ND_Pity tells us more.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Tuesday 12 March 2013 1:18

I know the wording makes it a bit confusing, but, yes, someone somehow spit into my bowl from the second floor :-/ unfortunately, I didn't see who did it so I wasn't able to even so much as confront them about it. I guess you could say I'm an unfortunate cookie!

By supertango500 - 11/03/2013 18:56 - United States

Today, I figured I needed to clean my room. I ended up finding my $135 calculator that I'd accused my ex-boyfriend of selling for gas money. That's also the reason I dumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 084

You deserved it 76 321