Miscellaneous: Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the... - FML

By ouch - 20/12/2013 04:41 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 665

You deserved it 4 240

Vulture

Good kid

Empathy lives

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 12 384

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 09:54 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 878

You deserved it 2 459

By iLuvsIt - 06/11/2012 09:32 - Australia - Belmont

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 3 266

By Pissed - 21/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 492

You deserved it 2 858

By awalc - 20/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 678

You deserved it 6 026

By XoXonedirectionXoXo - 23/06/2012 22:21 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 32 308

By piercednipple - 30/06/2015 16:02 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 2 742

Tough Love

By Ugly - 08/03/2017 04:00 - Netherlands

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 477

By ko - 09/12/2012 00:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 009

You deserved it 2 151

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 309

You deserved it 10 438

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 17:41 - Canada

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 553

You deserved it 3 879

By dentedmercedes - 20/04/2013 13:43 - United States - Berkley

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 576

You deserved it 8 212

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 801

You deserved it 603

By mark - 06/06/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 726

You deserved it 2 576

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 573

You deserved it 339

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 3 002

By Donutsarelife - 19/11/2014 15:09 - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 015

You deserved it 3 944

Assumptions

By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 240

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 379

You deserved it 7 624

By pain - 20/05/2016 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 817

You deserved it 1 097

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 04:00 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 135

It's not me…

By Shropintz - 23/02/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 326

You deserved it 5 162

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 686

You deserved it 3 931

Social media was a mistake

By Gorgonzola - 13/11/2021 07:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me because I refuse to open an account on Facebook, Instagram or whatever. Four years ago, I had to retire from social media for good because another ex-girlfriend was harassing me frequently. No, I didn't have any children with that ex, if that's what you think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 80

By gerontofuck - 15/04/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 775

You deserved it 4 624

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 668

You deserved it 1 169

By effme - 01/06/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 858

You deserved it 11 035

By jaym42013 - 22/07/2016 19:29 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 802

You deserved it 1 093

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 250

You deserved it 6 456

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 06/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 791

You deserved it 1 660

By siggit - 10/09/2009 15:58 - United States

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announces incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and my wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 607

You deserved it 3 140

By AuntPeePee - 20/05/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 382

You deserved it 3 539

Quickie

By tina - 22/11/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well… penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 085

You deserved it 316

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 711

You deserved it 7 961

By nerd_man01 - 10/07/2009 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 347

You deserved it 13 746

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 044

You deserved it 9 875

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 01:20 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 110

You deserved it 3 833

By Dig4life - 05/06/2015 13:42 - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 2 270

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 3 537

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Top comments

khaoticpanda 28

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:12

Oh god. First fml to make me cringe, iv done this before.

TheNewMirage 10

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:13

Your foot can heal, thank god you saved the tiles from breaking!

Comments

khaoticpanda 28

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:12

Oh god. First fml to make me cringe, iv done this before.

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:20

Normally I wouldn't think a box of tiles would do much harm but fuck 50 pounds? I hope your foot isn't too bad now >.

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:31

Think about what tile is. It's usually stone or ceramic, not counting cheap linoleum, even one tile can leave you in pain if you're unlucky enough to be under it.

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Friday 20 December 2013 8:53

"I don't normally drop what I hold onto myself, but when I do, I make sure no one was looking". Seriously though I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took a tile to the knee.

khaoticpanda 28

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Friday 20 December 2013 8:55

*Tile to the foot

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Friday 20 December 2013 9:01

I was referencing Skyrim.

khaoticpanda 28

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Friday 20 December 2013 9:33

I was trying to be funny ;(

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Friday 20 December 2013 10:10

Well you all suck at it!

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Friday 20 December 2013 18:41

PERSON ABOVE ME, YOU MADE ME GIGGLE

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:13

Ouch, same thing happened to my mother. How's the foot?

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Friday 20 December 2013 9:55

I'm assuming it won't be feeling all too pleasant at the moment.

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Friday 20 December 2013 11:21

How was your mothers foot? There's your answer.

\ 28

Saturday 21 December 2013 2:55

This also happened to us before. Except it was in a bathroom stall and it was a heavy backpack full of really expensive books.

TheNewMirage 10

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:13

Your foot can heal, thank god you saved the tiles from breaking!

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Friday 20 December 2013 17:51

Saying this is like it's more appropriate to have more heavy things fall on one's feet than on the floor. Tiles can be bought. A broken foot equates to a doctor's visit and heaven forbid a limb breakage

AshaaFerreira 22

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:13

Oh my this has happened to me before! I hope you went to the hospital and that your okay now. Fast recovery OP

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:14

I want to know what happened to your foot! I've done this with a bench before, and while I didn't break anything, the results weren't very pretty. Good luck in recovery OP, be more careful next time! :)

superrocket19 17

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:14

that had to hurt so badly I can't even imagine =[]

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:15

Don't push your self man

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:15

I've done that before... :/ hope you didn't break your foot!

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Friday 20 December 2013 9:21

My friend did this exact same thing with a lighter load of tiles and he smashed three of his little piggies. I'm hoping they didn't land too awkwardly on Op's foot; broken toes/feet aren't a fun at all

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:16

Thats gotta hurt , its a good thing you didn't need to buy new tiles also.

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Friday 20 December 2013 7:17

just put your best foot forward and move on and tile that floor :)

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 85