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By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 567

You deserved it 3 435

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 3 202

Get it done

By actionboy116 - 21/07/2015 06:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud Light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 564

You deserved it 1 997

Cat fight club

By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 6 301

By Anonymous - 11/02/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 7 938

By Deli meat prom - 20/04/2015 21:41 - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 3 431

Happy memories

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 2 271

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 561

You deserved it 3 126

Protip

By Pokemon problems - 23/10/2012 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 561

You deserved it 4 825

Figure it out

By foreveralone.jpg - 29/08/2012 20:51 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 2 935

By offended - 14/06/2012 08:11 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 2 450

Work out

By anon - 20/03/2015 21:43 - United States - Arlington

Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 558

You deserved it 4 403

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Spicy

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 558

You deserved it 37 412

By ROLLY - 03/03/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 555

You deserved it 3 927

Helicopter parents

By that girl. - 06/06/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 555

You deserved it 3 566

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 6 609

By BARF - 27/04/2009 13:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 552

You deserved it 130 402

By Notorch - 23/05/2012 15:53 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551

You deserved it 2 523

By lilsis - 31/01/2010 05:38 - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 550

You deserved it 3 786

By melly - 14/12/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 549

You deserved it 10 711

By Flubber - 07/02/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 547

You deserved it 5 837

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 5 811

No joking allowed

By TecheyTim - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' prank on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 12 074

Every day is Caturday

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 00:36 - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 1 835

Get me out

By bosslady12 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that I needed a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 544

You deserved it 3 403

By Doy - 19/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 544

You deserved it 8 559

By Silver_Jet - 30/08/2015 14:09 - Canada - Beamsville

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 2 280

Silver_Jet tells us more.

Silver_Jet 10

Monday 31 August 2015 13:35

Op here didn't login to post because I didn't think it would get published. I want to clarify a few things. #1 I'm not on welfare. #2 I work part time but my employer doesn't want me to get another job. #3 I work overnight shifts for below minimum wage. #4 I needed a college diploma to get this job.

By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Spicy

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 4 863

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 26 271

By Unluckyducky - 19/07/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 70 208

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The Top

The Top

Today, my klutziness reached a new level. I was walking down a flight of stairs, sneezed, and proceeded to fall down, scraping the crap out of my knees and spraining my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 68

Today, I tried to tell my boyfriend how I have been feeling recently in our relationship. He lashed out at me, saying I was just accusing him of being the bad guy. I guess I'll never express my feelings ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 186

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 099

You deserved it 5 548

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 8 484

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn featuring my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 214

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 316

You deserved it 1 233