Miscellaneous: Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened...

By Deli meat prom - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Taking stock

Serious times

By Chels - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Sexy time

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

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By wtf - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

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By 21ShitCleaner - United States - Poway

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with "HEY SLUT" or "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

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By FFS

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

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By jelrid - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

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By jenpearl - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Huffman

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

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By creepedout - United States

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

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Just love!

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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By nofrickenway - United States - Newport News

Today, I found out that my unemployed and very needy mother-in-law will be moving in with us soon. And during my conversation on the phone with her, she expects us to buy a house and my wife and I can "live with her." My wife agrees with all of this. FML

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By rbeast - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

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By hustled - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out my girlfriend is only with me because I'm a mechanic and I fix her constantly broken-down car for free. FML

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By That Person - Australia - Coolbellup

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

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By RevolutionLove - United States

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

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By cheese - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML

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By a4rk - Malaysia - Sibu

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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By dumbucksally

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

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By Drew - United States - Great Falls

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Denied

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

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By anon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

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By RJB - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

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By ewwy - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

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By WOW - Kenya

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

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By Jinx - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

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By MyNameIsNotJeff - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

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By sauce - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

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Top comments

By CandyPewPewPew | 29

#6268744 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:26

Lady Gaga did a prank on you. :D

By WaltzingPhanthom | 23

#6268743 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:26

He was probably beating his meat while he was working on your dress.

COMMENTS

By WaltzingPhanthom | 23

#6268743 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:26

He was probably beating his meat while he was working on your dress.

daisylokes | 16

#6270539 - Thursday 23 April 2015 7:51

oh that's nastyy ( clevelands voice ) lol

By CandyPewPewPew | 29

#6268744 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:26

Lady Gaga did a prank on you. :D

TheBelt | 19

#6268872 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 13:13

I was gonna say that.

baegirl33 | 7

#6268989 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 16:25

your emoji picture fits that comment lol

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6268745 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:26

Order for a replacement OP, and have a great prom

By emxy92 | 22

#6268747 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:28

How frustrating! I hope you didn't spend too much on it and have time to find a new one!

By EatUrGreens | 20

#6268748 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:29

Sounds like you got ripped off, if you ordered it off the internet lol

By iAlissa | 34

#6268749 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:30

Rock it like Gaga.

By timb1234 | 13

#6268750 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:30

What a shame. Now people will get hungry whenever they look at you

nityasomaiya | 46

#6268854 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 12:55

Not if she can't wear it

WhoCouldIBe | 11

#6269541 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 6:16

Then they'll get even hungrier

By Oppression_fml | 19

#6268755 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:36

Hopefully you'll look at this and laugh it out someday.

By lexos | 16

#6268766 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:47

Does it taste like meat to?

By MedChew | 19

#6268773 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 10:51

Imagine all the guys who would want to eat you up! Go and flaunt everything you got!