Miscellaneous: Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister... - FML

By Why? - 05/03/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 493

You deserved it 2 529

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Too Much Information

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 03/10/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 949

You deserved it 33 454

By in pain - 15/03/2011 22:57

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 414

You deserved it 3 649

By BerzerkelyBongBabe - 23/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 6 241

By LameChef - 10/03/2015 18:43 - Poland

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 067

You deserved it 4 992

Reading skills

By yudencow - 18/09/2019 18:00

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 147

By Drewbie - 13/01/2013 08:53 - United States - Park City

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 692

You deserved it 8 776

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 5 244

By Tiffer27 - 25/01/2016 18:02 - United States

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 399

You deserved it 2 429

By fuck's sake - 16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 007

You deserved it 2 068

By fmlskank93 - 01/09/2010 11:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 619

You deserved it 4 594

By wtfjusthappened - 24/01/2009 03:27 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 680

You deserved it 31 709

By rmo1776 - 06/04/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 984

You deserved it 48 938

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 1 883

By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 517

You deserved it 2 964

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 949

You deserved it 3 291

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 835

You deserved it 7 803

Et tu, Brute?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2018 15:00

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 260

You deserved it 438

By nonbelieber - 26/11/2012 00:55 - United States - Keenesburg

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 694

You deserved it 3 804

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 05:12 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 046

You deserved it 2 721

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 756

You deserved it 5 364

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 901

You deserved it 4 182

By Ali (New York) - 24/06/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 234

You deserved it 36 012

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 15:35 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 263

You deserved it 4 737

By thatsnice - 09/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 027

You deserved it 4 256

By Tori - 15/07/2012 21:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 710

You deserved it 6 312

By kenz - 06/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 2 540

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 826

You deserved it 6 269

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568

You deserved it 5 282

By really mom - 15/04/2012 17:38 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 2 093

By hoplessG - 24/12/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 604

You deserved it 3 326

By .. - 13/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 176

You deserved it 4 102

By WorryNot - 29/12/2016 01:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, I accidentally left a small but very important piece of my breast pump at home. Only ten more hours until the end of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 742

You deserved it 579

By goldendarkness - 09/07/2016 01:34

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 2 940

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 89

By anonYmous - 26/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 968

You deserved it 752

By lol - 05/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 434

You deserved it 9 231

By Chris Chandler - 02/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 493

Karma chameleon

By Douche - 31/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 1 850

PRAISE THE LORD!

By cantgetup - 03/04/2011 04:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 422

You deserved it 6 394

By shaft2112 - 03/12/2015 20:19 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 1 435

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Top comments

jentrynicole 20

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:02

How does this even happen?

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:00

Careful, they are worse than a pissed off stallion.

Comments

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:00

Careful, they are worse than a pissed off stallion.

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Friday 6 March 2015 15:12

They are pissed off guys Who love stallions

Daevas 18

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Saturday 7 March 2015 16:42

Mares.. The main characters of MLP are mares.. (￣Д￣)ﾉ

jentrynicole 20

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:02

How does this even happen?

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:09

@#2 And what made them so angry? I have so many questions...

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Friday 6 March 2015 12:21

I imagine OP's sister posted a YouTube comment and the neck beard army went ape shit over it.

soulreaper12296 28

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Friday 6 March 2015 15:20

She probably said the show is stupid.

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Friday 6 March 2015 15:28

Aliens guy: "Bronies."

uglyheadedbitch 20

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Friday 6 March 2015 17:19

"I don't like my little pony" is how I'd imagine it would happen

Kazze 31

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Friday 6 March 2015 18:50

44: One time on Facebook a guy on some page asked me if I watched the show. These are my exact words: "No, I don't. I think it's a bit creepy that anyone older than 8 watches it." Long story short, I had to make a new Facebook account. Not joking. So, your comment seems about right.

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Friday 6 March 2015 19:14

It could only occur on the Internet, as 99% of bronzes are too beta to try and fight anyone in real life.

IWishIWasObama 12

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Friday 6 March 2015 19:40

@55 Why didn't you just delete your comment and block the people who commented?

Kazze 31

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Friday 6 March 2015 21:56

64: It went past that. I kept getting hate messages from fake accounts and stuff. It's annoying having to block people left and right. I ended up deactivating my account, waiting a few months, then making a new one. I was planning on making a different one anyway, so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.

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Saturday 7 March 2015 0:37

I have a friend who punched someone in the face for making fun of him.. So 99% is a bit extreme..

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Sunday 8 March 2015 15:54

I bet she insulted Fluttershy. I've seen people freak out over that. Honestly, I like the show, but I don't obsess over it like this, or make other people feel bad for their opinions

pimrol 16

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 17:18

go home brony above me

Skylarconner 14

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Thursday 16 July 2015 7:46

stop being a prick guy above me

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:02

that would be one awkward herd to fight off

Steffi3 40

Friday 6 March 2015 9:02

I don't know why they are angry with her, but it's nice of you to stand up for her. You go, OP!

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:02

Good luck OP! You're going to need it.

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:03

i would definitely like to hear the background behind this post but good luck either way!

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:05

'Here we see a herd of bronies in their natural habitat. The bronies will fight off and defend against other species with little to no hesitation.'

Queen_of_Night 20

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:07

Either throw muffins at them or something to clop to. They'll forget about her completely.

6demon6spawn6 12

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Friday 6 March 2015 18:14

you are a fucking moron, there is nothing wrong with enjoying any show whatsoever. you probably enjoyed twilight or 50 shades right? now tell me which is truly worse. an innocent colorful cartoon, or straight out porn?

Kazze 31

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Friday 6 March 2015 18:41

What the fuck, 50? How does that have anything to do with this comment? Someone's a bit defensive...

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 6 March 2015 20:09

I think we found one...

Octwo 16

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Friday 6 March 2015 20:22

Someone called his life's obsession over a child's TV program stupid. They get pretty butthurt when that happens.

randomname98 22

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Friday 6 March 2015 21:45

#50, I pick secret option E: all of those shows are bad On a different note, #67, your picture fits the comment perfectly

jamescrazy96 17

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Saturday 7 March 2015 2:50

Go to her profile... It says she is one!!

Queen_of_Night 20

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Saturday 7 March 2015 3:52

Just so you know 50. I do watch and like the show and have friends who are serious bronies. I mean that should be obvious since I referenced muffins i.e. Derpy. That doesn't mean that many Bronies aren't creepy as hell. Less than a week after Season 2 finale aired typing in "Queen Chrysalis" yielded so much porn... So much... weird... hole filled porn *shudder* All I wanted was a reference pic so I could cosplay her (I have cosplayed Fluttershy and Spike as well). But I had to bust out the brain bleach instead. My comment was funny. It's a TV show. Chill.

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Saturday 7 March 2015 6:59

Just to be safe, give them Clop involving muffins.

Speshelphreak 13

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:08

Get some carrots or a whip?

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Friday 6 March 2015 10:26

Don't forget the sugar cubes!

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Friday 6 March 2015 14:43

This sounds like my idea of fun. Oh, hang on...

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Friday 6 March 2015 9:10

Uhm... Play dead?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 22

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 20

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 163

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 245