Miscellaneous: Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after... - FML

By diorlove - 21/01/2010 22:17 - France

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 487

You deserved it 4 910

Dysfunctional

Another great day to be alive

Own it

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 117

You deserved it 4 865

By stuckinalift - 18/02/2011 01:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 885

You deserved it 2 896

By sen - 19/02/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 318

You deserved it 2 622

By Jake - 16/09/2013 19:08 - United States - Albany

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 091

You deserved it 8 191

By Fairymyass - 17/07/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 4 486

By Why Me - 20/10/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 14:09 - United States - Concord

Spicy

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 002

You deserved it 25 172

Earthquake

By Bolin - 17/05/2021 08:08

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 98

By daddysjudy92 - 28/09/2018 14:00

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 14:54 - Finland - Vanda

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 871

You deserved it 3 469

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 18:24 - United States - Mission

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 631

You deserved it 5 172

By alaskan1989 - 22/01/2011 01:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 317

You deserved it 9 901

By kaytay2469 - 05/09/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 128

You deserved it 4 779

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 03:45 - France

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 895

You deserved it 9 160

By FML - 10/12/2011 23:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his room-mate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 5 474

It's better than nothing, I suppose

By thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 953

You deserved it 5 164

By NoJobNovember - 06/11/2014 19:09 - United States - Wadsworth

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 523

You deserved it 38 161

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 110

You deserved it 7 723

Scotland and its leccy bills

By ScottishSteak - 27/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 97

By UghNo - 14/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 374

You deserved it 574

By NewFiancee - 11/08/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 179

You deserved it 9 589

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 15:51 - Japan

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 425

You deserved it 91 501

By makeyourselfathome - 17/09/2014 12:18 - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 453

You deserved it 3 010

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 868

You deserved it 6 510

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 81

Freak out

By Brooke - 09/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 906

You deserved it 56 985

By twatstick - 21/08/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 684

You deserved it 3 351

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 102

Feelings

By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 314

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 4 020

By CJ 84 - 19/01/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 457

You deserved it 252

Not likely in 2020

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 147

By jflac - 24/12/2014 12:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 875

You deserved it 2 827

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 948

You deserved it 7 969

Just a question

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 14:00

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 237

By StillFriendless - 25/11/2016 15:20

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 615

You deserved it 2 782

By imwithapples22 - 29/01/2013 16:39 - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 2 382

By Anonymous - 17/08/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 085

You deserved it 7 963

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 71 272

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 3 379

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:33

well, either you have very very fragile bones... or it was a monstrous Nutella glass :-)

boopityboppity 11

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:33

That's one heavy nutella glass. I need to get me one of those.

Comments

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:33

well, either you have very very fragile bones... or it was a monstrous Nutella glass :-)

anonymous45610 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 3:19

lmao

Ajjas013 6

Friday 22 January 2010 4:39

That's why I have the plastic Nutella bottle.

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Friday 22 January 2010 5:28

holy crap owwww

cerebellum_fml 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 6:39

nuts

cerebellum_fml 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 6:39

nuts

bugmenotmofo 34

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Friday 22 January 2010 23:01

FAKE! Nutella comes in plastic jars, not in glass ones. I don't know what kind of Nutella you were eating.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 5:40

Actually there is a glass jar version for Nutella.

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 24 January 2010 0:30

Very interesting point there. You twisted things around so he would be right... But no matter what, he's still ignorant.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 0:56

wow is ur hand made of buiscets

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 3:55

I have a glass jar of nutela in my cupboard. so not all jars are pladtic

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Saturday 18 September 2010 1:47

Gehehe she should eat more nutella as it contains calcium.

noahmcdonald17 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:50

ydi for having pussy bones

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 21:14

There is something very disturbing about the phrase "pussy bones".

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Saturday 16 July 2011 19:43

lol from jersey shore... Vinny goes hey Canadian girl! did u know u guys make nutella??? lmaoo

boopityboppity 11

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:33

That's one heavy nutella glass. I need to get me one of those.

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 1:39

did you lose the natella

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 0:43

he has glass bones and paper skin

22cute 17

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Monday 21 May 2012 9:16

Nutella makes everything better.

MarioBustamante 5

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Monday 24 February 2014 5:01

#152 Did you just.....

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:34

At least it didn't shatter, embedding shards of glass in your wrist.

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:52

IEEE that would hurt...:(

theluckygirl28 8

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Friday 22 January 2010 3:20

ouchy!

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Friday 22 January 2010 4:23

exactly what iras thinking

ashleynonymous 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:34

damn! that's Nut...ella?!

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:36

@4 I hope you weren't trying to make a joke or you have just failed.

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Monday 19 March 2012 21:50

Thats so punny

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:34

yeah...how heavy is that jar? lol

isitofficial_ 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:35

well, you couldve bought the ones in plastic jars. (I live in Australia so I dont know if you got them or not)

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Friday 22 January 2010 7:32

i live in america and my nutella bottle is plastic, so idk where the hell he comes from. XP

InnuendoQueen 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 8:49

Britain? We have glass and plastic. I tend to buy plastic because I'm clumsy and if I have glass I'm all like "Oh it's heavy there must be loads left"

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Friday 22 January 2010 23:37

Doesn't it say: "Made in Italy"??

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:51

In Canada we have both plastic and glass jars of Nutella. The glass ones are typically smaller and plastic ones are various sizes (in my experience anyways).

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:39

YDI for having Nutella in the house. =p

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Monday 25 January 2010 11:05

That's what I was thinking

insertnameherr 11

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Saturday 23 June 2012 4:25

You both sicken me. Nutella is some great shit.

mini1 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:42

lol ydi for eating nutella :p

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:43

what's nutella

meowmeowmeow7 2

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Saturday 7 April 2012 21:49

You're stupid.

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Friday 22 January 2010 1:43

OMG!!!!!!! Nutella wasted????? This is a tragedyyyyyyy!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 100

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 36