The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 1 777

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 17:33 - Australia

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 1 827

By englishornah - 23/04/2015 02:53 - United States - Somerset

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 428

You deserved it 5 662

By donnap - 09/06/2012 05:54 - United States - North Highlands

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 4 721

By anon - 01/07/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 426

You deserved it 8 860

By T___T - 12/09/2015 01:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 426

You deserved it 2 314

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 423

You deserved it 2 448

By supergirl7 - 27/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 423

You deserved it 8 692

By stressedmom36 - 13/08/2015 23:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 2 786

By cj1012 - 08/07/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 1 872

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 17:24 - United States

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 6 231

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 09:34 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 3 044

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 10 310

By Eyalsh - 30/01/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 2 807

By Dr_Dolittle - 12/01/2010 15:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 5 512

WTF dude?

By 4evalone - 22/04/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 1 669

By unemployed-dude - 08/12/2015 06:17 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 417

You deserved it 3 885

By crazytown62 - 14/02/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 416

You deserved it 6 632

Slime

By klyoung5 - 03/01/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 416

You deserved it 4 984

By Nope - 26/06/2015 21:46 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 414

You deserved it 1 804

By Bigpoppa0507 - 31/08/2011 14:02 - Canada

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 414

You deserved it 14 654

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 2 970

By swedishguy - 05/10/2009 17:22 - Sweden

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 5 037

The customer is always an ass

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 1 629

By time to lawyer up - 20/02/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 411

You deserved it 52 987

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 410

You deserved it 8 023

Dangerous implements

By I-love-my-tea - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 410

You deserved it 2 052

By shots shots shots - 12/02/2013 07:41 - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 2 988

Move!

By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21 - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 407

You deserved it 3 010

By Coccinelle - 05/02/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 405

You deserved it 2 745

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 453

Today, after I attended the funeral service of a good friend last Sunday, tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of my uncle, and last night my mother just told me she has Covid. Triple whammy. Gonna mask up, stay my distance, and pay my respects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 114

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 274

You deserved it 2 122

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 631

You deserved it 6 278

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm not the gold star lesbian I've always claimed to be. In fact, I went through a terrible slutty hetero period in college. My mom was disgusted, and my Dad wanted way too many details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 673

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 345

You deserved it 4 218