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OP here. To clarify for the haters, I do know what a date is supposed to be, I'm not an idiot. We had been planning to meet up for weeks. The date was lame, hence why I posted to FML. But it was definitely intended as a real date, accompanied by dinner and shopping a few other stores. No errands were ran, No groceries or Tp was purchased. I visited a few coworkers & he picked up a few electronics items. and no I didn't buy it or use my employee discount. It was my day off & he knew it was my workplace.

Is this part of the test?

By Samantha - 16/08/2012 22:36 - United States - Holt

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

agreeclassic 32 002

vote type 1 2 025

By username - 17/11/2014 03:52 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

agreeclassic 32 001

vote type 1 3 261

Dead giveaway

By Minabee - 04/02/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I'm meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In doing so, I accidentally touched my neck with the iron, and I now have a burn there that look a lot like a hickey. FML

agreeclassic 32 001

vote type 1 4 907

By antisocial - 12/08/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

agreeclassic 32 001

vote type 1 9 151

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

agreeclassic 32 000

vote type 1 3 587

By Djcc - 21/02/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

agreeclassic 31 999

vote type 1 7 119

By burned - 03/02/2015 20:45

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

agreeclassic 31 998

vote type 1 2 395

Great date, thanks!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

agreeclassic 31 996

vote type 1 84 010

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

agreeclassic 31 995

vote type 1 4 157

By AnnaNick - 14/02/2010 02:19 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

agreeclassic 31 994

vote type 1 10 371

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

agreeclassic 31 993

vote type 1 3 802

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

agreeclassic 31 990

vote type 1 2 171

Dude, where's my car?

By Bunsostriker - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

agreeclassic 31 989

vote type 1 2 172

By gutted - 07/05/2012 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

agreeclassic 31 989

vote type 1 2 891

Empathy

By kumcat - 11/01/2015 05:57 - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply, "#rekt", then, "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

agreeclassic 31 988

vote type 1 3 984

By Anonymous - 23/01/2013 01:33 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

agreeclassic 31 987

vote type 1 2 557

By Nicole - 13/03/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML

agreeclassic 31 986

vote type 1 3 228

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

agreeclassic 31 986

vote type 1 6 463

By oops - 31/03/2015 01:52 - Australia - Newtown

Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML

agreeclassic 31 986

vote type 1 2 810

By Anonymous - 09/11/2012 18:28 - Argentina - Villa Sarmiento

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

agreeclassic 31 986

vote type 1 7 382

By jonhapimp - 21/08/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

agreeclassic 31 985

vote type 1 2 468

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

agreeclassic 31 985

vote type 1 10 350

Location location location

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 16:00 - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment, which is 45 minutes away from my old one, because my workplace would be closer. I then got a phone call from my boss, telling me that he's transferring me to another location, which is closer to my old apartment. FML

agreeclassic 31 985

vote type 1 2 417

By Brummsta - 27/01/2010 07:41 - Australia

Today, I woke up with a cordless drill on my bed. The one I lent my neighbour last week. FML

agreeclassic 31 984

vote type 1 2 618

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

agreeclassic 45 523

vote type 1 38 736

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

agreeclassic 26 310

vote type 1 2 663

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

agreeclassic 12 814

vote type 1 42 108

Today, I'm doing homework but still can't submit it, mainly due to the homework being bombarded more than three times during the week, from eight subjects, all due in three days. I sleep barely two hours a day, still not finishing the work and getting shitty exam marks. I wonder when this cycle of work will end… FML

agreeclassic 353

vote type 1 121

Today, I accidentally let slip to my mom that I hardly remember the graduation party she threw me four years ago. She proceeded to verbally assault me for forgetting the special occasion. I had a brain complication two years ago which resulted in some memory loss. Apparently, it's my fault. FML

agreeclassic 1 205

vote type 1 83

Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML

agreeclassic 29 641

vote type 1 3 202