Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when...

By hé merde - 23/2/2014 02:27 - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

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Miscellaneous

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Compassion

Headache

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

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By fuckMYlife94321 - 26/4/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

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By Alex - 9/2/2017 21:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

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By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

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By FMluck - 26/2/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

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By sammyducks227 - 8/11/2013 07:49 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

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By Bento - 5/10/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

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By AnonWife - 22/1/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

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By GuitarNerd - 23/1/2017 22:41 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom told me that I would get to leave school halfway through the day. What she didn't tell me was that the reason I was missing school was to get 2 teeth pulled. FML

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By tracy4191 - 18/9/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

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By MissPerspirent - 28/9/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

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By say what?! - 10/4/2020 08:00

Missed opportunities

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 20:00

Mommy's bravest little boy

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

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By dukemisery - 28/11/2016 12:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

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By Kimmiko - 4/6/2009 12:17 - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

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By Jennyfromdablock - 31/12/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

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By bonesniffer - 16/9/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

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By deardaughter - 14/8/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

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By mako - 26/5/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2019 18:01

Today, I got a haircut. During dinner, my grandmother complained about it, and said I looked terrible. I've had the exact same haircut for years. FML

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By anonymous - 9/10/2014 22:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

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By Cheryl - 16/10/2019 04:00

Go, Vegan!

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

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By theydidsmellitthough - 8/2/2013 21:59 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

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By jaskyriddims - 16/9/2009 19:58 - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

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By pabj208 - 22/12/2015 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

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By Miriden - 19/7/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 06:33

Today, my father told me that it wasn't that I was written out of his will, it's that he never thought to include me in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

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By Ava - 27/4/2019 12:00

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

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By HauntLife - 21/9/2017 20:00

Boo!

Today, rehearsals started for the haunted house I act in. As we were running through the house and reading through our lines, the set designer turned on the hydraulic pump to test something, accidentally causing a tumbling bookshelf effect to go off. Guess where I was standing. FML

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By WhyIHateTeachers - 25/6/2015 03:49 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

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By Noname - 25/11/2008 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML

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By shroooms - 28/7/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

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By kronic1990 - 14/1/2015 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

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By yamada - 25/2/2011 10:15 - Singapore

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

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By Entheatus - 10/8/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

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By Marco - 1/4/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

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Top comments

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

COMMENTS

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

AugustBurnsToast | 14

#5379427 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:58

He seems to still be young at heart. For all that he's probably gone through in the many years that he has lived, he deserves a show.

vehementbitch | 4

#5379474 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:58

Grandparents arent as innocent as we think they are.

zandalee | 19

#5379583 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:38

Of course their not! They have had years and year of practice on being badass! ;)

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5379591 - Saturday 23 February 2013 12:06

It's rare to see a grandpa, checking out a pretty lady, so bluntly. I'd love to have a grandpa like that!

sodapop83 | 14

#5379931 - Saturday 23 February 2013 18:12

There should be an old people category on FML

stellasue11 | 38

#6698864 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 6:07

way to go grandpa! !

By kerrwoof | 13

#5379207 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Old men still need to take a peek.

man_in_black08 | 28

#5379306 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:58

hey we share birthdays :)

By Livestrong14 | 7

#5379210 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Dirty old man.

then000bster | 16

#5379394 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:25

I guess he needs a sponge bath.

zandalee | 19

#5379584 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:40

Are you offering?

VelvetRain | 6

#5379586 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:50

I bet he looks like Master Roshi.

ddlovatolover | 23

#5379738 - Saturday 23 February 2013 15:24

77, or he could ask the nurse from a few FMLs back to clean OP's grandpa's "man meat".

By Vanillanougat | 14

#5379213 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Grandpa's Got Game XD

MrSassypants | 32

#5379322 - Saturday 23 February 2013 6:09

He even has twenty-four inch rims on his wheelchair which are always spinning.

PuggieKid | 22

#5379386 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:11

They see me rolling.. They hatin' ...

desoto96 | 9

#5379425 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:57

If he had game she'd be riding on his wheel chair.

obnum | 19

#5380187 - Saturday 23 February 2013 21:33

I enjoyed your alliteration there #4. :)

By animalover721 | 3

#5379216 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

Looks like grandpa isn't too old for anything...

DyslexicPanda | 12

#5379449 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:27

Ya know, except walking...

PincessBoff | 6

#5379658 - Saturday 23 February 2013 13:29

Oh my god 55 that's so fucked up and rude I can't believe you'd say something lik-just kidding it was hilarious and I loved it.

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

By superxmario91 | 11

#5379231 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:30

did you hi-five him!?

By alexafml | 5

#5379234 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:31

Aww, that's cute. At least he didn't try to touch/say something pervy to the girl. He has lived his life and learned few things are as precious,sexy, sensual or beautiful as a woman's curves.