Miscellaneous: Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when...

By hé merde - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Walk on the wild side

Clocked

By Doc - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 17:00

Communication Breakdown

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 08:02

Great start

Today, I started my period and have cramps that came from the hottest part of hell. I also have to go to work so that I don’t lose my holiday pay. Happy New Year to me. FML

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By canessadawn - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

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By singlelady - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

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By thornrose22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

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By Menareidiots - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

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By FGum - United States

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

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By CUCKOO - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

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By K. - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

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By fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

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By sabz21 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

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By leastitwasntsurpriseanal - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

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By dieana - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

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By Love stinks - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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By ChrisD2V - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

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By Rain

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

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By SpeakerPhone - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

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By I don't want to be here anymore - Canada - Edmonton

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

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By stepshart - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

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By Chad - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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By Gregory - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

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By navyma - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

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By wheezy - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

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By pinkplasticjesus - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

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By noshow - United States - Richardson

Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

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By norpedo - United States - Cleveland

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

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By Say Cheese - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Family Ties

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

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By FastTurtle9 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

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Top comments

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

COMMENTS

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

AugustBurnsToast | 14

#5379427 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:58

He seems to still be young at heart. For all that he's probably gone through in the many years that he has lived, he deserves a show.

vehementbitch | 4

#5379474 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:58

Grandparents arent as innocent as we think they are.

zandalee | 19

#5379583 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:38

Of course their not! They have had years and year of practice on being badass! ;)

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5379591 - Saturday 23 February 2013 12:06

It's rare to see a grandpa, checking out a pretty lady, so bluntly. I'd love to have a grandpa like that!

sodapop83 | 14

#5379931 - Saturday 23 February 2013 18:12

There should be an old people category on FML

stellasue11 | 38

#6698864 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 6:07

way to go grandpa! !

By kerrwoof | 13

#5379207 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Old men still need to take a peek.

man_in_black08 | 28

#5379306 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:58

hey we share birthdays :)

By Livestrong14 | 7

#5379210 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Dirty old man.

then000bster | 16

#5379394 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:25

I guess he needs a sponge bath.

zandalee | 19

#5379584 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:40

Are you offering?

VelvetRain | 6

#5379586 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:50

I bet he looks like Master Roshi.

ddlovatolover | 23

#5379738 - Saturday 23 February 2013 15:24

77, or he could ask the nurse from a few FMLs back to clean OP's grandpa's "man meat".

By Vanillanougat | 14

#5379213 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Grandpa's Got Game XD

MrSassypants | 32

#5379322 - Saturday 23 February 2013 6:09

He even has twenty-four inch rims on his wheelchair which are always spinning.

PuggieKid | 22

#5379386 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:11

They see me rolling.. They hatin' ...

desoto96 | 9

#5379425 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:57

If he had game she'd be riding on his wheel chair.

obnum | 19

#5380187 - Saturday 23 February 2013 21:33

I enjoyed your alliteration there #4. :)

By animalover721 | 3

#5379216 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

Looks like grandpa isn't too old for anything...

DyslexicPanda | 12

#5379449 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:27

Ya know, except walking...

PincessBoff | 6

#5379658 - Saturday 23 February 2013 13:29

Oh my god 55 that's so fucked up and rude I can't believe you'd say something lik-just kidding it was hilarious and I loved it.

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

By superxmario91 | 11

#5379231 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:30

did you hi-five him!?

By alexafml | 5

#5379234 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:31

Aww, that's cute. At least he didn't try to touch/say something pervy to the girl. He has lived his life and learned few things are as precious,sexy, sensual or beautiful as a woman's curves.