Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when...

By hé merde - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Everyone's an expert

Can they do that?

By shortarse - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

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By LadyJ - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

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By dummy - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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By yeueid - Estonia

Today, I found out that whenever I text my boyfriend something cute, he texts his friends and asks what to say in his reply. Basically, I've been talking to his friends all the time. FML

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By Redhead4life - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 05:05

Almost there

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

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By stinky - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

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By djshahso - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 17:01

Workaholic

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

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By Coolkid. - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

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By Quortney - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

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By Partners - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

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By Ugggggggggg - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

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By Finding Kemo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

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By BelleCharmante - United States

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 23:03

Grossed out

Today, I found out that the reason I have unbearable pain in my stomach when I sit down is because I have 2 horrifyingly large boils on my waist. My mother nearly fainted when I showed them to her. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

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By Ella - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

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By boob sisters - United States - Lilburn

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

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By Cece

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

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By coughcough - United States

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML

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By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

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By thanks sis - 3/7/2020 05:02

Role model

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

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By hikingtospace - United States - Hilliard

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

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By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - United States - Winter Haven

Holy stereotypes, mom!

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

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By badidea - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By AmatureLitCritic - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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By makeupsex - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

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By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

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Top comments

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

COMMENTS

By beehardxcore | 26

#5379204 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your grandpa is a badass. Hats off to him!

AugustBurnsToast | 14

#5379427 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:58

He seems to still be young at heart. For all that he's probably gone through in the many years that he has lived, he deserves a show.

vehementbitch | 4

#5379474 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:58

Grandparents arent as innocent as we think they are.

zandalee | 19

#5379583 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:38

Of course their not! They have had years and year of practice on being badass! ;)

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5379591 - Saturday 23 February 2013 12:06

It's rare to see a grandpa, checking out a pretty lady, so bluntly. I'd love to have a grandpa like that!

sodapop83 | 14

#5379931 - Saturday 23 February 2013 18:12

There should be an old people category on FML

stellasue11 | 38

#6698864 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 6:07

way to go grandpa! !

By kerrwoof | 13

#5379207 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Old men still need to take a peek.

man_in_black08 | 28

#5379306 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:58

hey we share birthdays :)

By Livestrong14 | 7

#5379210 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Dirty old man.

then000bster | 16

#5379394 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:25

I guess he needs a sponge bath.

zandalee | 19

#5379584 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:40

Are you offering?

VelvetRain | 6

#5379586 - Saturday 23 February 2013 11:50

I bet he looks like Master Roshi.

ddlovatolover | 23

#5379738 - Saturday 23 February 2013 15:24

77, or he could ask the nurse from a few FMLs back to clean OP's grandpa's "man meat".

By Vanillanougat | 14

#5379213 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:26

Grandpa's Got Game XD

MrSassypants | 32

#5379322 - Saturday 23 February 2013 6:09

He even has twenty-four inch rims on his wheelchair which are always spinning.

PuggieKid | 22

#5379386 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:11

They see me rolling.. They hatin' ...

desoto96 | 9

#5379425 - Saturday 23 February 2013 7:57

If he had game she'd be riding on his wheel chair.

obnum | 19

#5380187 - Saturday 23 February 2013 21:33

I enjoyed your alliteration there #4. :)

By animalover721 | 3

#5379216 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

Looks like grandpa isn't too old for anything...

DyslexicPanda | 12

#5379449 - Saturday 23 February 2013 8:27

Ya know, except walking...

PincessBoff | 6

#5379658 - Saturday 23 February 2013 13:29

Oh my god 55 that's so fucked up and rude I can't believe you'd say something lik-just kidding it was hilarious and I loved it.

By Snowkeys | 11

#5379217 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:27

I hope my grandson will do it without being asked.

By superxmario91 | 11

#5379231 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:30

did you hi-five him!?

By alexafml | 5

#5379234 - Saturday 23 February 2013 5:31

Aww, that's cute. At least he didn't try to touch/say something pervy to the girl. He has lived his life and learned few things are as precious,sexy, sensual or beautiful as a woman's curves.