Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced... - FML

By burned - 3/2/2015 20:45

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

Everyone's an expert

Great boyfriend

By zAstonish - 25/9/2015 15:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 07:03 - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

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By wheezy - 6/9/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

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By GamerTag - 2/10/2012 13:11 - United States - Wantagh

Today, I realized I might lose my job because some asshole customer complained about me to my district manager. His complaint? Girls can't work at video game stores. My DM agreed. FML

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By yesnomaybeso7 - 12/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

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By "breejanai" - 11/4/2017 04:00

Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chicken pox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2010 14:45 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

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By is_that_right - 27/12/2014 19:14 - United States - El Paso

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 20:36 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

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By great. - 2/1/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2014 00:20 - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

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By shaft2112 - 3/12/2015 20:19 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

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By siddance - 4/9/2015 18:08 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

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By Poorlittlelady - 8/10/2018 22:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

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By "ZeroG57" - 4/5/2017 14:00

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

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By kfenton - 29/9/2012 11:16 - United States

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

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By trippybmth - 23/12/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

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By therundown - 20/7/2011 13:38 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

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By LETMEOUT! - 18/9/2017 04:30

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

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By tammy999 - 31/1/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

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By campus pussy - 22/3/2014 21:08 - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - 6/5/2013 06:49 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By rubmytummy - 10/6/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

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By ImNotFat - 7/8/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

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By Alison - 10/3/2012 22:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML

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By PunctureWound - 10/10/2010 00:57 - Canada

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

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By Sarah - 21/2/2016 00:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

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By lolu - 10/10/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

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By stupid_airbag - 13/8/2012 08:06 - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

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By Marcowalker95 - 7/8/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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By Sad ex-wife - 21/9/2012 15:11 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, while at work, I helped my ex-husband pick out a ring for the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

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By Charles - 21/6/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

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By highschoolgrad - 8/6/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

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By cookyourowndamndinner - 17/4/2017 06:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

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By failureparent - 21/3/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - 8/6/2011 13:03 - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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Top comments

By travellingfun | 18

#6192033 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:18

Kids have wild imaginations and no filter on what they say, don't take it too personally!

By acommonman | 23

#6192075 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 13:04

just have fun with it OP, kids believe in crazy things.

Comments

By mushroomcassette | 21

#6192011 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:48

Children are brutally honest. If you wanted a liar, you should look elsewhere.

Reply

AninOnin | 24

#6192029 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:13

Ha! Children can be brutally honest or just brutal. I know some angels; I also know some children who would not hesitate to try and make you feel crappy.

By wasalsa2 | 7

#6192012 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:49

you have a melty face

By kirigaiku | 15

#6192013 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:51

Did something happen to your face?

Reply

Fuaaad1994 | 31

#6192020 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:08

Someone poured coffee on it and ran off

Reply

wtffml1979 | 22

#6192028 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:13

I see what you did there....

By granCanyon | 12

#6192017 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:58

How do you know you're not?

Reply

saraitkddh | 47

#6192050 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:42

If what you are saying is right then this means FML is haunted...

Reply

Morning_fml | 22

#6192277 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 15:55

I didn't know they had wifi in the after life.

Reply

granCanyon | 12

#6192338 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 17:03

some people are taking comments too seriously! It was a freaking joke...

Reply

countryb_cth | 38

#6194377 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:07

You realize they were both making jokes? Maybe you should take your own advice.

By Soundslikeothers | 15

#6192018 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:00

Might want to call a priest

By wtffml1979 | 22

#6192021 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:08

Time for some proactive

By codytallica | 38

#6192023 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

Insert witty comment here!

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6192055 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:47

Insert witty, better reply here!

By Noah197099 | 17

#6192024 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

Try to convince him that he's a ghost, and see what happens.

By albertozeta_fml | 9

#6192025 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

"If I'm a ghost, you are a handkerchief"

By cheeeksss | 29

#6192031 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:15

It's alright OP. When I was really young, I thought my mom was a robot because she never showed emotion towards anything (she was a very strict and traditional Asian mom). I grew up and realized my parents are awesome. The same shall happen for you.