Kids: Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced... - FML

By burned

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

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Sorry…

Walk on the wild side

Bro, do you even lift?

By brokeasajoke - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2021 20:04

Carl Tuckson

Today, and until today, I'd never met anyone who took Tucker Carlson's bullshit seriously. Then, tonight, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I managed to bite my tongue, but… FML

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By GiveMeCake

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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By Fourth Wheel - 15/7/2021 11:01

Leave some for the rest of us

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

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By sweet2u22 - United States

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

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By jerry Jerry Jerry

All in the family

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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By VCDUDE11FTW - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

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By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

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By itsjustmyluck - United States

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Good boy

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

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By jack - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

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By fml9124 - 28/1/2021 20:01

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

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By twitterfailsme - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

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By rond9 - 6/6/2021 04:01

That's kinda sweet

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

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By keimA

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

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By Rabite - Germany - Bonn

Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

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By Anonymous

Hangover

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

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By "levsterx"

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

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By notready - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

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By Judy - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

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By -_- - United States - Inverness

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

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By weak - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

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By ewww

Got game

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

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By chew toy - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

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By Curles - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

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By logansowow

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By _aPerson_ - Canada - Airdrie

BIKES!

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

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By

Strange flight

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

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By birthday girl - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

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By charliebravo77 - United States

Slippery

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML

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By Rover

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

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By Sierra Madre

Time for an intervention

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

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Top comments

By travellingfun | 18

#6192033 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:18

Kids have wild imaginations and no filter on what they say, don't take it too personally!

By acommonman | 23

#6192075 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 13:04

just have fun with it OP, kids believe in crazy things.

COMMENTS

By mushroomcassette | 21

#6192011 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:48

Children are brutally honest. If you wanted a liar, you should look elsewhere.

Reply

AninOnin | 24

#6192029 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:13

Ha! Children can be brutally honest or just brutal. I know some angels; I also know some children who would not hesitate to try and make you feel crappy.

By wasalsa2 | 7

#6192012 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:49

you have a melty face

By kirigaiku | 15

#6192013 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:51

Did something happen to your face?

Reply

Fuaaad1994 | 31

#6192020 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:08

Someone poured coffee on it and ran off

Reply

wtffml1979 | 22

#6192028 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:13

I see what you did there....

By granCanyon | 12

#6192017 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 11:58

How do you know you're not?

Reply

saraitkddh | 47

#6192050 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:42

If what you are saying is right then this means FML is haunted...

Reply

Morning_fml | 22

#6192277 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 15:55

I didn't know they had wifi in the after life.

Reply

granCanyon | 12

#6192338 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 17:03

some people are taking comments too seriously! It was a freaking joke...

Reply

countryb_cth | 38

#6194377 - Friday 6 February 2015 11:07

You realize they were both making jokes? Maybe you should take your own advice.

By Soundslikeothers | 15

#6192018 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:00

Might want to call a priest

By wtffml1979 | 22

#6192021 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:08

Time for some proactive

By codytallica | 38

#6192023 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

Insert witty comment here!

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6192055 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:47

Insert witty, better reply here!

By Noah197099 | 17

#6192024 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

Try to convince him that he's a ghost, and see what happens.

By albertozeta_fml | 9

#6192025 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:10

"If I'm a ghost, you are a handkerchief"

By cheeeksss | 29

#6192031 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:15

It's alright OP. When I was really young, I thought my mom was a robot because she never showed emotion towards anything (she was a very strict and traditional Asian mom). I grew up and realized my parents are awesome. The same shall happen for you.