Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed....

By birdguts - United Kingdom

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

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Animals

Serious times

Time don't heal nothing

Thanks for the miracle

By stinky - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

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By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

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4446

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By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

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27150

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

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27553

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By - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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2810

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

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25645

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

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By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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139

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By lilben - United States

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

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44414

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

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55959

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By First Kiss - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

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By Lonile13 - Philippines

Today, after 2 years and 5 months, my boyfriend finally found my clitoris. FML

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18043

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By Undersexed - United States - Washington

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

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16725

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

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35271

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By Preggo - United States - Memphis

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

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14834

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By nopissleft - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

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47883

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

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24773

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By shatfjord - United States - Rochester

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

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42511

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By mr. machine - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

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1258

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 04:01 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Unaware ableist

Today, I sat outside for a half hour hysterically laughing at this kid next door for constantly mooing like a cow. My mum came out to inform me the kid is severely disabled. I even mooed back at one stage. FML

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621

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

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39287

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By wjones - United States

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

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9472

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By notmyday - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

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69870

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By Anonymous - United States - Sylvania

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

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By liveviathetredmill - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

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19917

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By heatherjo - United States

Today, my fiancé decided he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

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44354

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By Silverfeathery

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

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29704

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

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23702

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By LonelyAngel22

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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8354

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By Upset Mommy - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

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52825

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By Idiot32

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

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657

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By Chan - United States

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

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10075

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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72444

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By Sedici - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

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54191

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By StepFather - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

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1966

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153

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By karmafails - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30166

You deserved it

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By AlwaysTired - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

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13043

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By ginkobiloba

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

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10120

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By Blondie - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

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9643

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By locked out - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

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3741

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Top comments

By beastin34 | 0

#2028268 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:06

early wedding gift

By forthepainx3 | 0

#2028247 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:00

aw, how romantic

COMMENTS

By savy7093 | 9

#2028241 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:00

First!!! And your boyfriend proposed. Be happy about that :)

By forthepainx3 | 0

#2028247 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:00

aw, how romantic

agm2010 | 0

#2028478 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:52

yup., really sets the mood.(;

babyale760 | 0

#2028492 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:57

good kitty.
n_n

davidjr_saldana | 0

#2028559 - Monday 31 January 2011 10:21

cats suck anus

alwa7sh | 2

#2028567 - Monday 31 January 2011 10:25

You mean cats lick anus, dogs smell them.

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#2028908 - Monday 31 January 2011 12:52

^win

DenisV95 | 2

#2029261 - Monday 31 January 2011 14:59

ShadyFTW I lol'd at your description. :P

Perksofbeingawal | 0

#2029276 - Monday 31 January 2011 15:04

Rub your cats nose in your poop. Revenge my friend, reveeeennngeee. >:)

Jk. that's cruel :(

breakofdawn1 | 0

#2029327 - Monday 31 January 2011 15:19

35 sucks as much as your profile picture

By shaannonwilding | 0

#2028249 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:01

Ouch, unfortunate. FYL.

hedgerow | 0

#2028757 - Monday 31 January 2011 12:00

YDI.. Kitty not want!

Autoshot | 9

#2035584 - Wednesday 2 February 2011 6:53

It's a sign.

EmreArslan | 11

#3545267 - Saturday 5 November 2011 14:34

How is this unfortunate? Its a nice cat, he brought u guys a present for the wedding and was first to be the witness ;) at least thank him by eating the bird at the wedding :)