Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles... - FML

By bloody hell - 4/6/2015 05:59 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

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Family values

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Mixology

By micheal - 21/6/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

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By unemployed - 24/8/2012 18:00 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

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By Hoover - 1/12/2018 03:00

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was faking a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

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By thatshelpful - 2/7/2015 04:16 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

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By NightzGremlin - 12/9/2020 14:01

No sleep for the wicked

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

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By RIP job - 28/9/2016 04:26 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview for an amazing opportunity. Too bad my nerves made me forget what the role was and where it was, mid-interview. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2012 07:10 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

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By it's just a name - 10/1/2013 05:53 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 5/8/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 17:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

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By Embarrassed daughter.. - 1/2/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

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By fmlifer - 4/11/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

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By Sickie. - 2/9/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

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By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

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By Spanner - 25/4/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend left me after I'd been supporting him for 9 months while he "finds himself." Why? Because I wanted to go grocery shopping instead of him eating out every day with my money. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

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By MissedTheBoat - 14/4/2013 07:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

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By stupidgirl - 30/9/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

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By HarleyDavison - 5/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Harrisonville

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

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By phreshrice - 7/4/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

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By unsuccessful popping - 18/6/2015 20:09 - United States - Tappan

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

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By Female Struggles - 16/5/2014 23:20 - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2016 22:09

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

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By DarkMaskDiva - 21/3/2020 18:00

Vicious circle

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By Savannah - 7/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

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By modprobs - 3/8/2018 01:30

Perfect timing...

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

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By holler - 15/9/2011 04:22 - Japan

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 21:05 - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

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By unknown - 15/9/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 12:02 - Canada - Ottawa

It wasn't me

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 18:21 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 18:00

It is free

Today, I've decided to pay for sex. Stopped at a hooker and asked how much would it cost for a blowjob. Apparently she was a boy and told me: "If you suck my penis first, it is free". FML

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By jakeeey - 18/1/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

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By TommyNoFeet - 4/12/2017 06:00

Today, my third day training for a half marathon, I tripped and broke both of my ankles and one wrist. FML

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By bshoemaker45601 - 8/6/2016 20:57 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

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By fudgydiaper22 - 30/1/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2015 12:21 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

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Top comments

By Saphiraa | 10

#6310834 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

"Ew that's nasty" seriously I bet that stunk bad

By darkstarrising | 18

#6310846 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Ok. That is gross.

COMMENTS

By Saphiraa | 10

#6310834 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

"Ew that's nasty" seriously I bet that stunk bad

Reply

carebear1228 | 20

#6310956 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:09

think fish factory

By Emma1562 | 35

#6310835 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6310957 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

antdbzb | 10

#6707297 - Saturday 29 October 2016 20:44

looks like auto correct gone wrong to me

By lukian_fml | 29

#6310842 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:45

That explains the fight.

By darkstarrising | 18

#6310846 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Ok. That is gross.

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6311732 - Friday 5 June 2015 21:54

At least it was her sister and not a stranger. I tried on some pants at Express the other day and when I took them off the blood had streaked down my thigh. FRESH BLOOD.

By Backbone | 11

#6310849 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Bloody hell!!

By feb011988 | 14

#6310853 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

Sounds like your sister just won that fight, yuck!

By danthehuman | 29

#6310854 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

Literal bloody hell! Haha, love the name OP.

By toasterspoon | 17

#6310855 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

I bet that was bloody exciting

By mds9986 | 24

#6310858 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

That's just gross. Period.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#6312416 - Saturday 6 June 2015 18:24

The FML community is so fickle with how they distribute thumbs.

By DemHaxBro | 20

#6310862 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:48

Might want to take a shower now

Reply

mmmxr | 11

#6310907 - Friday 5 June 2015 1:21

Nah I think she should just let it soak in.....