Miscellaneous: Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles... - FML

By bloody hell - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

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Small town blues

People are strange

The X Factor

By Goiter - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

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By dummy - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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By Chance115

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

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By Justmyluck

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I need to check something down there.” I asked what but he just smiled and showed me the piece of gum he was chewing. He took a look and left to get the scissors. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 20:00

Captive

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

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By NotSoAnon - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

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By Ed. - 20/7/2020 05:01

That Monday feeling

Today, I have to go into work for the first time since the Covid-19 lockdown. I've been working from home since March. Today was also the first time since going on lockdown that I cut myself shaving. FML

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By ouch - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

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By rarara - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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By clecker - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

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By twelvie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

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By unwanted - 1/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

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By Connor - United States

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

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By SMV - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

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By WTF

It burns

Today, after my 22-year-old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

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By avanti - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

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By IbetIgotAIDS - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

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By RoseTylerTheDoctor - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

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By Hth - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2021 20:02 - Germany

Today, on Hoarders…

Today, my mom’s house is so dirty and cluttered, there's hardly any space left for actually living in it. Two months ago, she intended to finally organize and tidy up. Now, she's bought a trailer and is simply moving into that instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 02:02 - United States - Wynnewood

Stuck together

Today, my mother is acting pissy because I poured my drink out on our front lawn. Apparently, this was, "ridiculous and embarrassing." Meanwhile, COVID is surging and it looks like I'll be quarantining with her. Kill me. FML

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By awkward - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

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By farts

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

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By ChloeisaDoll

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

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By Savannah - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

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By notwhatithought - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

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By stinky breath - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

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By T1A2Z3

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

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By Alexander - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

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By sproket

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

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By alo1434 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

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By TheLifguard95 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

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By angelamegan21 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

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By ohaifml - United States

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

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By Dildno - United States - Worcester

Today, I was using my iPad for a presentation. I locked it and left it connected to the projector while I prepared to present. When I turned around to begin, I realized there had been a push notification from Groupon asking if I was still interested in a dildo. FML

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By Howdoiwatchpoliticsnow - United States - Newton

Today, I tried to get my son off of the couch by turning off the wifi. Afterward, I went to watch tv. Turns out he got me back by turning off the cable. FML

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Top comments

By Saphiraa | 10

#6310834 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

"Ew that's nasty" seriously I bet that stunk bad

By darkstarrising | 18

#6310846 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Ok. That is gross.

COMMENTS

By Saphiraa | 10

#6310834 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

"Ew that's nasty" seriously I bet that stunk bad

Reply

carebear1228 | 20

#6310956 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:09

think fish factory

By Emma1562 | 35

#6310835 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6310957 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

antdbzb | 10

#6707297 - Saturday 29 October 2016 20:44

looks like auto correct gone wrong to me

By lukian_fml | 29

#6310842 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:45

That explains the fight.

By darkstarrising | 18

#6310846 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Ok. That is gross.

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6311732 - Friday 5 June 2015 21:54

At least it was her sister and not a stranger. I tried on some pants at Express the other day and when I took them off the blood had streaked down my thigh. FRESH BLOOD.

By Backbone | 11

#6310849 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Bloody hell!!

By feb011988 | 14

#6310853 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

Sounds like your sister just won that fight, yuck!

By danthehuman | 29

#6310854 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

Literal bloody hell! Haha, love the name OP.

By toasterspoon | 17

#6310855 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

I bet that was bloody exciting

By mds9986 | 24

#6310858 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:47

That's just gross. Period.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#6312416 - Saturday 6 June 2015 18:24

The FML community is so fickle with how they distribute thumbs.

By DemHaxBro | 20

#6310862 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:48

Might want to take a shower now

Reply

mmmxr | 11

#6310907 - Friday 5 June 2015 1:21

Nah I think she should just let it soak in.....