Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML
Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML
Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML
Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML
Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML
Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML
Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML
Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML
Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML
Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML
Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML
Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend is trying to get me to cut my hair, wear different clothes, apply my makeup differently, and even change my morals and values to match his mother's. FML
brocho tells us more.
Hi, this is OP! I can't believe this got posted! Anyway, he has always been a huge mama's boy and thinks that her way is the only way. She is a rather rude and opinionated woman, and has raised him to think that there is only one way to do things, and that's her way. I did talk to him and explain that I am not his mother and that I like myself just as I am and don't plan on changing, and he got pretty upset about it. We are now over, but it doesn't bother me much since this has been an ongoing issue for awhile now, and he just can't accept me for who I am. He was always trying to tell me that I should cut my long hair super short because his mom cut hers that way, and even asked me what I would do if I woke up with short hair, which concerned me. He also told me he and his mom didn't like my choice of clothing so that I should dress like she does, that I should wear my makeup like hers, and that my opinions, morals and values should be exactly the same as his mother's. It was just too much, and he got really upset when I told him no. He even suggested I quit college and my decent-paying job and get a job working with his mom for minimum wage and to draw welfare like her. He also always expected me to drive him everywhere, buy him everything he wanted, and baby him. I think I dodged a bullet, and I feel much better without all of the pressure to change.
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML
Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML
Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML
Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML
Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML
Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML
Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML
Today, during PE, I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML
Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML
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