Money: Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having...

By robbed - 14/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 4 377

Money

Late term

Cut her off

Or does he?

By RheaDitto - 18/06/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 191

Dr. Phil

By NotSoSmart - 03/09/2019 17:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 827

By anonymous - 21/02/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 841

You deserved it 45 138

By James - 18/12/2012 02:28 - United States

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 11 195

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 2 217

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 363

You deserved it 14 382

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 11:43 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 928

You deserved it 45 078

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 13:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 419

You deserved it 11 347

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 713

By Florida - 27/10/2010 18:46 - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 066

You deserved it 2 928

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 16:13 - Singapore

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 311

You deserved it 6 486

Make it stop!

By MsGlaDos - 12/06/2013 21:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 539

You deserved it 12 224

By hunnydoll - 18/08/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 381

You deserved it 81 513

By Cats...FML - 17/10/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 3 324

By WOWBear - 05/06/2013 09:46 - United States - Mesa

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 160

You deserved it 13 177

By thereisnobaby - 06/10/2016 11:55 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 102

You deserved it 756

Gratitude walks

By Liam - 06/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 101

By Walmart Associate - 27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 143

By h0308 - 08/09/2009 09:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 637

You deserved it 4 579

By Muralove - 14/05/2015 02:55 - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 3 464

By Ms. Heartless - 16/12/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 520

You deserved it 13 436

Mopping mad

By samdog37 - 01/12/2020 14:06

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 287

Kevin can fuck himself

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 00:01

Today, my husband was two hours late from picking up my daughter from practice. I called his cell once to check if they were alright. When they finally arrived, he was annoyed at me for "controlling" him. He then pushed his sweaty shirt in my face to take in his "musty scent". When I refused, he got mad again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 102

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 184

#ForeverAlone

By WithoutLove - 30/08/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 32 955

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 432

You deserved it 4 152

By Whipped Cream - 24/11/2012 05:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 49 520

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 894

You deserved it 316

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 852

You deserved it 4 489

By David - 08/11/2012 05:43 - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 116

By Anonymous - 09/11/2012 18:28 - Argentina - Villa Sarmiento

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 864

You deserved it 7 339

By idontknowwhatiamdoing - 15/04/2014 04:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 12 597

By Sam - 02/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 388

You deserved it 2 249

By highschoolsucks - 05/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 387

You deserved it 6 523

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 801

You deserved it 8 872

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 06:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 711

You deserved it 3 531

By Our Talisman - 01/08/2010 19:41 - France

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 828

You deserved it 82 406

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 109

By Roma - 16/06/2017 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 164

You deserved it 504

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

By meat is meat - 07/10/2019 02:07

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 2 270

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Top comments

psuboy 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:04

I think you need to find some better friends

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:08

Little do you know, it was your husband.

psuboy 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:04

I think you need to find some better friends

bigsc 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:06

agreed

MrLefty 8

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:07

thirded.

marinus_fml 19

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:23

Money doesn't make you happy. Money creates more problems than it solves. Be glad you got some friends.

desichiqa 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:29

not so secret eh!

psuboy 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:30

so 14 I would love to take some of your problems from you then. wanna give me a couple grand?

ilovemydoodle123 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:31

haha

psuboy 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:31

so 14 I would love to take some of your problems from you then. wanna give me a couple grand? FYL op

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:44

Money actually can bring you a lot of happiness. Be glad you have friends? No, those are not friends.

CitrusGirl 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 13:30

That's what banks are for... YDI

MissErikaHart 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 14:12

whoever robbed u has been waiting for months to do so

sloppyflow 1

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:13

14 share ur trouble here pls

brightnite 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 7:30

Step 1 - Make a new secret stash (loan?) Step 2 - Invite same people over Step 3 - Booby trap money with car battery.

Shivermeshamrock 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:06

I hope you catch whoever stole it.

lionandthelamb61 9

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Thursday 14 October 2010 10:53

The exact same thing happened to me and I never found out who it was. I had $800 hidden in a crest whitestrips box in my bathroom where no one was even supposed to go...and I was half way through my whitening cycle!! My advice to the OP is to make a list of everyone that was over your house and eliminate people as they become unlikely as suspects. Unfortunately for me my list came down to two people and neither one would admit it. Next time put it somewhere inaccesable and find some better friends!

12596 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 16:33

it wasn't so secret then

12596 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 16:37

it wasn't so secret then

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:08

Little do you know, it was your husband.

trueblue42 4

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:45

that's scum. choose a better hiding place, like in the floorboards!

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:09

Darling...that is what a bank account is for. I never keep cash around anymore. Not with the two free-spenders I live with.

knibbsy 4

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:42

Brock and Misty?

Rei_Ayanami 18

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:55

Asuka and Misato? +3 internet points for correct answer to that guess's anime.

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 14 October 2010 10:09

I...don't know who any of those people are. I live with my boys, Trudly dear and Folly darling. I can't remember why I keep them around...they never get anything done, and they're becoming a bunch of lazy freeloaders.

CheshireHalli 19

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:48

Rei, they're from Evangelion, right? :)

Shell02 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:43

24- Brock and misty! from pokemon!

flotar 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:09

don't worry op, now your friends will tell others that your house is like a free. ATM machine, and you'll be having lots if people over. you guys really know how to treat your guests.

psuboy 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:23

the m in ATM actually stands for machine. you said AT machine machine. just pointing that out :)

Sonfang 19

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Thursday 14 October 2010 14:32

Eh like it matters, people say PIN number same concept. You just wanted to complain!

KiwiExchange 16

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:10

Don't rely too much on friends you haven't seen in a while, a lot can change over the course of a month, you'd be surprise. that still sucks though. :(