Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the... - FML

By hateskool888581 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28797

You deserved it

2332

Tweet

Share

Horsing around

Thanks Felicia

Furry family

By At least she knows I floss - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2458

You deserved it

5180

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2002

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3032

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By AmySweet - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34372

You deserved it

4588

Tweet

Share

By dexter - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24592

You deserved it

4918

Tweet

Share

By dave - United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9709

You deserved it

68335

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous Pillock - United Kingdom

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41624

You deserved it

4209

Tweet

Share

By mommiedearest - United States - Columbia

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21733

You deserved it

1803

Tweet

Share

By experience_to_get_experience - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24300

You deserved it

3013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Business school of business school

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks

872

You deserved it

105

Tweet

Share

By Helpless

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2773

You deserved it

388

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9877

You deserved it

1351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4830

You deserved it

638

Tweet

Share

By Lorus - United States

Today, I passed a kidney stone. This is the third one in two years. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33712

You deserved it

5452

Tweet

Share

By Jer - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25032

You deserved it

48612

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12164

You deserved it

44250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23073

You deserved it

30303

Tweet

Share

By ZombieGirl0417 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22109

You deserved it

4453

Tweet

Share

By Jaymz

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3262

You deserved it

2237

Tweet

Share

By cantdolife - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3247

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By DrumrollPlease - United Kingdom - London

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20001

You deserved it

2030

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 08:04

Make your minds up

Today, I was told I was negative for Covid, so I went to buy wine to celebrate. Two hours later, I got a call again, saying I was positive and placed under quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By embarrassed

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25698

You deserved it

3413

Tweet

Share

By jkbeynon - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35717

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By needtoscratch - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23835

You deserved it

1762

Tweet

Share

By EffUrEll - Canada - Toronto

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18851

You deserved it

36250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28449

You deserved it

1798

Tweet

Share

By Superdumb

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

4892

Tweet

Share

By myheadhurts - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42034

You deserved it

3116

Tweet

Share

By ThatSped - Canada - Moncton

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18866

You deserved it

4868

Tweet

Share

By whatarethisss - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19869

You deserved it

1671

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28909

You deserved it

5884

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33775

You deserved it

10277

Tweet

Share

By not impressed - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32152

You deserved it

4562

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30444

You deserved it

4443

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29727

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By Indigo_Kitten - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31822

You deserved it

18980

Tweet

Share

By grannygirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36193

You deserved it

5060

Tweet

Share

By Sad - 3/1/2021 11:01

Tock follow tick follows tock…

Today, after my grandfather died a month ago, my grandmother had a massive stroke. I have a sinus infection but had to be tested for Covid. I need it to show negative so I can say goodbye to the most influential woman in my life. I don’t know that results will be back in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1070

You deserved it

51

Tweet

Share

By issy - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38597

You deserved it

3617

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By perdix | 29

#770232 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 14:39

Your dad loves you! That's why he chaperones you when you go to a nightclub!

Of course, getting drunk and hitting on pretty girls is a nice bonus for putting up with the tedium of chaperoning.

By whataloadofbull | 0

#769955 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:07

Wow, you seriously live up to your name, #1.

COMMENTS

By whataloadofbull | 0

#769955 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:07

Wow, you seriously live up to your name, #1.

Reply

wienerwagon | 0

#769997 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:37

Weird, you've done a good job of it as well.

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#771434 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 4:53

#6- Am I going to get a wiener from you, or will I be disappointed? =(

Reply

kristen_lesli | 0

#924018 - Monday 8 March 2010 4:42

guess you'd like a weiner, since you look like the type of guy who doesn't have one. xD

sorry, that was uncalled for xD you look nice, really. just try not to ask guys for weiners unless you really are gay haha xD

By nessalujin | 0

#769959 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:09

third!!

By JoshTheMaggot | 8

#769968 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:15

that's hilarious and I agree with #1 just be safe lol. I say next time you go out don't bring the old man.

By 24788 | 6

#769970 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 9:17

Never bring your girlfriend to your house.

By DanielleTheOne | 3

#770077 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 11:59

i feel sorry for the girl because imagin having a group of old drunks hitting/perving on you when ur at a club. I'd freak out.

By shockcrow | 0

#770080 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 12:06

creepy

By Craig92EIRE | 0

#770124 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 12:38

maybe thats his way of sayin he approves:)

By neonokku | 0

#770133 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 12:42

So the FML is that your dad is hanging out with your friends while the girl is complaining? Sounds like your jealous.

By MissyWissyKach | 0

#770211 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 14:24

omg i approved this one!!! u kno like when u moderate them oooh i approved this one!!

By riku3220 | 2

#770215 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 14:28

No, the FML is the girl the OP likes now thinks his dad is a pervert.