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The all-time greatest FMLs

By CheatedOn - 14/02/2010 15:19 - Romania

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 2 417

I'll be back

By missmolliss - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 3 469

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By geoduck - 10/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 4 681

By Ambar - 15/02/2010 17:02 - Canada

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 2 768

By Application - 28/07/2015 20:44 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 773

You deserved it 2 113

Broke boyz

By ohno - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 771

You deserved it 5 577

Learning curve

By diapersplease - 07/06/2015 01:17 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year-old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 770

You deserved it 2 786

Second best

By Rebecca - 16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 770

You deserved it 2 160

By Tymer - 23/11/2012 15:56 - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 770

You deserved it 3 843

By CA19oo - 20/03/2012 01:03 - United States - Buford

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 2 082

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 3 431

By 3hoursleftofwork - 28/03/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 5 379

Poisoning

By anon - 07/11/2012 23:28 - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 1 829

By dumbbus - 01/04/2015 23:24 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 2 529

Sleeping Beauty

By BERNDTOAST - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class, and woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 763

You deserved it 18 380

By A07 - 09/09/2015 18:48 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally finished restoring a car after working on it for 6 months, so I took it out for a drive. On the way back, I stopped at a red light, but the drunk driver behind me didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 1 426

A07 tells us more.

A07 48

Thursday 10 September 2015 6:31

Hey guys, I'm the OP. It was 67 mustang fastback and I was driving it home from the workshop late at night. And to all those wondering, no the car didn't survive because the asshole was driving a truck, it's sitting in a garage but I don't even know if I'm going to go look at it for a while now.

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 2 458

By Ashton Sprunger - 30/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 3 311

By smileytheface - 06/12/2011 03:54 - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 7 185

Terminally online

By mr_loveless - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 10 958

By mdp624 - 16/08/2012 12:10 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 1 573

Formality

By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 2 747

Prejudice

By howard1954 - 08/06/2015 15:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They simply reacted by lecturing me about how much he'll ruin my life, and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 2 693

You never know

By anonymous - 17/09/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test, saying, "Well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 759

You deserved it 7 359

By Ellencrazee - 13/08/2011 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 757

You deserved it 5 268

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 36 391

By TJRoy - 29/04/2015 06:37 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 2 241

TJRoy tells us more.

TJRoy 44

Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:34

He is Croatian, and he was sober. He 100% believes it's true and has said it on several occasions.

Higher learning

By jaybob18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 755

You deserved it 11 451

By CutePenguin - 17/03/2012 22:26 - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 754

You deserved it 2 068

The big con

By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - 16/07/2015 06:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 754

You deserved it 2 656

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 410

You deserved it 15 252

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 6 784

Today, I was at the beach with my friend on vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 012

You deserved it 9 439

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 253

You deserved it 3 591

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 191

You deserved it 1 138

Today, someone asked me a question and I responded with, “What?” They said, “Are you deaf as well as stupid!?” then punched me in the throat. I’m actually hard of hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 127