Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking...

By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Weird kid

Higher standards

By busted - 22/9/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

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By Why - 18/12/2018 05:00

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

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By Catherine - 23/5/2011 19:33 - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

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By mortified - 30/10/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

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By THANKS - 19/6/2015 08:37 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

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By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/9/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

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By Anonameow - 2/1/2016 16:57 - United States - Fairfax

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML

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By dontask - 22/12/2018 18:00

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

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By Maxwell - 4/2/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

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By southernpride93 - 18/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

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By killme - 13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me and that she is not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose... FML

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By pugs - 29/1/2010 08:43 - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 10:33 - Australia

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

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By MoonStarShine3 - 9/6/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2013 05:27 - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2019 12:33 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

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By "Luke Payne" - 30/12/2019 14:00

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when I realised that I hadn't got my headphones in and was blasting Eminem whilst walking past a bunch of 5 year olds. He said the 'N' word at the same time. I guess I'm not going to that bus stop any more. FML

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By willieboom - 30/5/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

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By happybirthday - 6/3/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 22:39 - United States - Slippery Rock

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

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By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

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By RavingLunatic - 1/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

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By traumatized - 12/4/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

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By SquishFish - 10/7/2019 14:05

Big nope

Today, while working as a masseur, a man requested a foot massage. This wouldn't have been an issue, had he not had at least 20 warts on his feet. FML

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By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

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By cheaters_should_die - 18/12/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

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By hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Played a blinder

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

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By NJ <3 - 10/1/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

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By kingmetal42 - 9/2/2010 19:10 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

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By Mimo - 23/6/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

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By axwound - 27/12/2010 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

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By unlovedd - 22/3/2009 05:45 - United States

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By Eminnis - 31/8/2015 03:27 - United States - Woodland Park

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

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By Strainer - 23/5/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

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By Titatoum - 17/1/2015 21:12 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

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By mrjude - 28/10/2019 04:00

Whiner!

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

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By meep - 16/3/2017 00:00

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

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By twistedelegance - 19/7/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

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Top comments

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

COMMENTS

By sjks | 0

#133989 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1011617 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

I'm 14 and I do that.

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1192253 - Thursday 5 August 2010 6:54

Fail

ilovecheeer | 0

#2429544 - Friday 29 April 2011 16:38

Big whoop?

hurtandabused | 7

#4185949 - Monday 19 March 2012 11:25

I knit n watch golden girls. Those girls are fun to watch

By steinway | 0

#133995 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

hahahaha

By claritin | 0

#133999 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Again with the we need a "so what?" button. You like crocheting and some crappy tv show about old women. Big fucking deal.

maddieguinn | 0

#984120 - Saturday 24 April 2010 0:09

I hate u golden girls is notcrappy

slipmaster | 6

#3055397 - Sunday 7 August 2011 4:30

no. its an fml because he/she has the life and hobbies of an 80 year old at 24.

CrazyGirlfriend | 21

#5902564 - Wednesday 2 April 2014 1:59

this isnt even a fml. my friends and I have crochet and knitting parties while we watch movies. we're 19-23 years old.

By 14nickel | 0

#134006 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:16

OLD!

By philadelphianus | 0

#134012 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

i taught myself to crochet the other day! and i'm a fibers major at art school, i should've learned that years ago. i've never seen golden girls but i'm about to go watch 3rd rock from the sun for the 3rd time.

By asxp10 | 0

#134014 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

Why is this an FML? So what, you do old people things. Change.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

MidnaLink | 32

#4189518 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:57

YEEEEEEAAAAH!

By xxmollyxx | 25

#134021 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

i love golden girls! :)

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

kaengelangeleyes | 9

#3324661 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:47

I'm 19 and this sounds lile a good time to me. Lol.

By rc15 | 0

#134029 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:20

i dont get this. its not a FML, at all. I used to crochet and watch the young and the restless with my grandma when I was 7, & it was fun. so its not a FML