Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Not gonna happen

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By LindsayK - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

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By I wish it was gum

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

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By kill me - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

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By feelinnauseous - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

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By Lily - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

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By Shortround - United States - Wheaton

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

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By sobasics - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

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By PaperInfection - United States

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

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By xxteenhearts - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

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By InfamousLastWord - United States

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

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By Tallulah - United Kingdom

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

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By tech_support - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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By Jobless in Seattle - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

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By bureaucratic assfuckery - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

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By need new job - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

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By hatestomove - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Unionville

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

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By Alone - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

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By boopingsnoot

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

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By thanks guys

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

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By Jayne - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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By jemila - United States

Today, I couldn't find my hairbrush anywhere; I ended up having to brush my hair with a fork. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

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By wtf mom - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

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By Maude - 20/11/2020 05:03 - Canada - Beauharnois

Doggy dog world

Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 23:01

Catching up

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

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By panickygrl - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Oslo

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

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Top comments

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

COMMENTS

By sjks | 0

#133989 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1011617 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

I'm 14 and I do that.

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1192253 - Thursday 5 August 2010 6:54

Fail

ilovecheeer | 0

#2429544 - Friday 29 April 2011 16:38

Big whoop?

hurtandabused | 7

#4185949 - Monday 19 March 2012 11:25

I knit n watch golden girls. Those girls are fun to watch

By steinway | 0

#133995 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

hahahaha

By claritin | 0

#133999 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Again with the we need a "so what?" button. You like crocheting and some crappy tv show about old women. Big fucking deal.

maddieguinn | 0

#984120 - Saturday 24 April 2010 0:09

I hate u golden girls is notcrappy

slipmaster | 6

#3055397 - Sunday 7 August 2011 4:30

no. its an fml because he/she has the life and hobbies of an 80 year old at 24.

CrazyGirlfriend | 21

#5902564 - Wednesday 2 April 2014 1:59

this isnt even a fml. my friends and I have crochet and knitting parties while we watch movies. we're 19-23 years old.

By 14nickel | 0

#134006 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:16

OLD!

By philadelphianus | 0

#134012 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

i taught myself to crochet the other day! and i'm a fibers major at art school, i should've learned that years ago. i've never seen golden girls but i'm about to go watch 3rd rock from the sun for the 3rd time.

By asxp10 | 0

#134014 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

Why is this an FML? So what, you do old people things. Change.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

MidnaLink | 32

#4189518 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:57

YEEEEEEAAAAH!

By xxmollyxx | 25

#134021 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

i love golden girls! :)

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

kaengelangeleyes | 9

#3324661 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:47

I'm 19 and this sounds lile a good time to me. Lol.

By rc15 | 0

#134029 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:20

i dont get this. its not a FML, at all. I used to crochet and watch the young and the restless with my grandma when I was 7, & it was fun. so its not a FML