Miscellaneous: Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Our house, in the middle of our street

Walk on the wild side

By Noname - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

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By tryingnottocare - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

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By Henry

How is that fair?

Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

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By Anon - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

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By pukeytimes - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

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By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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By Jasmine_smilee - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

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By - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

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By ST3PH - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Hadley

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

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By Emily - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

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By vanilla_blossom - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

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By V.. - 8/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Bored

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

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By ___Ruby_____

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

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By maddiee. - Indonesia

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

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By nail714 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

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By Ellen - United States

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

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By Cop-er-Pot

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

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By well crap... - 21/6/2020 14:18

Running commentary

Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML

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By poopydaddy - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

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By sabadaba - United States

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 23:01

Fake News

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By Big break - 18/5/2020 14:00

As seen on TV

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

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By purged - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

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By 4lphab3t4

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

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By SomeGuyInNY - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, I volunteered to tend bar at a friend's charity event. I was called incompetent and had a drink thrown at me for stirring a martini instead of shaking "like they do in James Bond". I've been tending bar for 30 years and have never had a drink thrown at me before. FML

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By Yubi - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

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By systeminitiated - Canada

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

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By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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By Lesbian

Today I took my girlfriend to the cafe where we had our first date, with the intention of proposing. Moments before I took the ring out, some sleazy old guy said "how are you two fine babes single on a Saturday?" He refused to leave us alone even when we said we were on a date. FML

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By a hex upon your anus, sir - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

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By Dominic - Canada

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

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By makayta - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a coworker asked me how I was because I looked down. I said, "You don't want to know." They replied, "You're right, I don't," and walked off. FML

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Top comments

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

COMMENTS

By sjks | 0

#133989 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1011617 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

I'm 14 and I do that.

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1192253 - Thursday 5 August 2010 6:54

Fail

ilovecheeer | 0

#2429544 - Friday 29 April 2011 16:38

Big whoop?

hurtandabused | 7

#4185949 - Monday 19 March 2012 11:25

I knit n watch golden girls. Those girls are fun to watch

By steinway | 0

#133995 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

hahahaha

By claritin | 0

#133999 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Again with the we need a "so what?" button. You like crocheting and some crappy tv show about old women. Big fucking deal.

maddieguinn | 0

#984120 - Saturday 24 April 2010 0:09

I hate u golden girls is notcrappy

slipmaster | 6

#3055397 - Sunday 7 August 2011 4:30

no. its an fml because he/she has the life and hobbies of an 80 year old at 24.

CrazyGirlfriend | 21

#5902564 - Wednesday 2 April 2014 1:59

this isnt even a fml. my friends and I have crochet and knitting parties while we watch movies. we're 19-23 years old.

By 14nickel | 0

#134006 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:16

OLD!

By philadelphianus | 0

#134012 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

i taught myself to crochet the other day! and i'm a fibers major at art school, i should've learned that years ago. i've never seen golden girls but i'm about to go watch 3rd rock from the sun for the 3rd time.

By asxp10 | 0

#134014 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

Why is this an FML? So what, you do old people things. Change.

By spiceonice | 0

#134019 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

uh, golden girls rocks. fyi

MidnaLink | 32

#4189518 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:57

YEEEEEEAAAAH!

By xxmollyxx | 25

#134021 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

i love golden girls! :)

By amatthew_03 | 0

#134023 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

I'm 24, too, and this sounds like a pretty good time to me, actually.

kaengelangeleyes | 9

#3324661 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:47

I'm 19 and this sounds lile a good time to me. Lol.

By rc15 | 0

#134029 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:20

i dont get this. its not a FML, at all. I used to crochet and watch the young and the restless with my grandma when I was 7, & it was fun. so its not a FML