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The all-time greatest FMLs

Susssy baka

By Anonymous - 26/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me she thinks my fiancé might be gay, because he won't cheat on me with her, like all my past boyfriends did. I'm sorry? My past boyfriends did WHAT with WHO? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 157

Let em in

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 703

By Bad at life - 18/10/2018 13:30

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 633

Finally!

By oppsiedaisey - 02/09/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 377

Creepy

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 326

By R2A8 - 01/03/2019 02:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 307

Congrats!

By Bittersweet - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 171

Falling Down

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 02:12

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 155

But… boobs

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 02:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent weeks trying to get me to cancel my breast reduction surgery, for selfish reasons obviously, even though he knows how bad my spinal problems are getting. I don’t want a hunched back in my thirties, but all he cares about is his sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 323

Good tasting

By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Saint-hubert

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 835

Alone

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 05:45

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 315

Parenting team

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 05:01

Today, my ex sent me a string of abusive texts about forgetting our daughter's birthday. I have no idea when her birthday is because she left me while pregnant and never told me the date, plus she is 3 and I’ve never met her because the police can’t find where they live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 146

No rest for the heroes

By J Claire Sanchez - 22/03/2020 15:56

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 182

By massage mama - 04/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 30/03/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 184

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 1 260

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 310

Social services

By Anonymous - 18/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work I had to handle two selfish parents returning their adopted 6 year-old daughter to foster care because, “She doesn’t, like, fit with our lifestyle, and my mom is, like, too old to babysit her anymore and we, like, can’t afford a nanny.” I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 129

Mistake or intentional?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 04:00 - Australia - Petrie

Spicy

Today, my newly installed Ring doorbell captured crystal clear footage of my wife sucking off my brother on my porch. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 19/12/2017 19:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 8 944

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 248

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 085

You deserved it 192

Leave us alone

By DepressedMama - 26/01/2022 23:00 - United States - Kula

Today, my husband and mother started supplementing my newborn son with formula, because they are such control freaks and don't like my son getting attached to me. He was doing very well while exclusively breastfed according to the doctor. But it looks like my happiness or my son's well-being is of zero importance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 177

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 237

Creative

By Kymberly Hams - 09/04/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 08/03/2019 12:00

Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 405

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 531

Cultural differences

By Thongy - 07/04/2020 20:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 586

Stepping out

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife has been stepping out for two years with her two best friend's husbands, our neighbor who lives with his mother, and a complete stranger she worked with for 4 days. She was also pregnant while all this was going on. Then she had a nervous breakdown, and I had to take her to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 232

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The Top

The Top

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 137

You deserved it 1 411

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 3 984

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 236

You deserved it 4 167

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 44

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 527

You deserved it 789

Today, one of my colleagues was asked to rewrite an entire project, which I wrote last week. I'd spent more than 4 days writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 178