Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my daughter told me she never wants to see me again because I had an abortion. She wanted me to have the baby and then give it to her so she could raise it as hers. FML
Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I told my 4-year-old daughter that when she grew up she could work at a daycare, like me, to help all of the little kids like her. She started crying because she thought it was a bad job to have. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML
Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
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Top comments
demix_fml 32
Kids say the strangest things....😶
acmariner99 25
I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.
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Comments (7)
demix_fml 32
Kids say the strangest things....😶
acmariner99 25
I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.
EmDizzle2007 28
this is a good take.
Weslea Sanchez 12
Unless you straight up ignore them, but at that point the US, Britain, France, or the UN is probably overthrowing your government
RichardPencil 32
Tell her she’d see you again. You’ll be coming home with a gun and PTSD. Is that what she wants?
spillmybeans1 5
I think you took a joke a touch too far.
jbuckets_404 39
Why, is she already in the Navy? ;-)
0neiros 14
She's FOUR, so not a bastion of intellect to be taken seriously. Tell her because she was mean to you, they killed a puppy at the dog pound. Got to keep the next generation of therapists employed you know.
Sarah Emmons_80368934 6
My kids an asshole too 🙄🙄 she’s not even 4 yet
Mad Jack 4
Sure. Because that's what 4 year olds say all the time... -_-