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The all-time greatest FMLs

Appropriate force

By Peppered and Zapped - 07/04/2020 05:00

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 211

Winner

By Anonymous - 09/01/2020 18:00

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 1 035

Happy Reset Day!

By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 176

Baby driver

By Holland - 04/04/2019 12:00

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 189

By GeofftyGeoff - 27/10/2018 15:30

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 183

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 21/02/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 343

I'm a realist

By abbiexo97 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 252

Oh no

By Bad sibling - 07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 241

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 260

Smooth.

By yosmurf - 13/08/2018 23:31

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 1 232

LEAVE ME ALONE

By sleepless - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 263

Crisis management

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend thinks he’s having a sexuality crisis because I convinced him to let me stick a finger up his rear-end and he orgasmed so hard that now he’s worried he might be gay without knowing it. I love him, but God he’s hard work sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 596

Tricky situation

By fml9124 - 08/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 26/03/2019 00:00

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 309

By SmallTownCutie - 29/05/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 498

By Anonymous - 04/04/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 198