Broken: He is worried - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 101

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 40

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 220

Broken heart

Hiding from the drama

Our house, in the middle of our street

03/12/2015 14:02

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 3 577

Modern Family

By Wtffmlfs - 26/09/2019 04:01

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 155

05/08/2009 18:17

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 026

You deserved it 3 189

24/07/2011 08:55

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 528

You deserved it 2 642

08/01/2012 00:12

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 936

You deserved it 15 203

17/02/2014 22:41

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 815

You deserved it 3 370

13/02/2009 08:17

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 672

You deserved it 44 412

30/12/2009 06:08

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 996

You deserved it 28 508

Jack of all trades…

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 21:27

Today, I'm a generalist with moderate knowledge of multiple domains, but since I'm not a specialist in any, I'm not getting a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 204

28/01/2011 15:43

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 872

You deserved it 4 282

13/02/2016 07:45

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 656

You deserved it 1 521

12/10/2014 00:11

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 626

You deserved it 7 525

Breaking Badly

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 20:00

Today, it was my first day as a pharm tech. Two hours into my shift, I came down with awful food poisoning, causing me to go to the restroom multiple times before eventually leaving. I'd filled multiple controlled substances today and can't help but think my coworkers are thinking I'm a drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 102

Compassion

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 20:00

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 211

26/05/2013 16:56

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 608

You deserved it 3 959

01/11/2013 18:38

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 878

You deserved it 3 191

04/05/2014 23:28

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 699

You deserved it 5 990

02/10/2010 20:31

Spicy

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 743

You deserved it 4 403

03/03/2009 00:09

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 579

You deserved it 16 393

20/06/2016 20:34

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 280

You deserved it 1 878

30/04/2017 22:00

Today, after recently celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary, my husband and I watched my mom and his dad say "I Do". I am now married to my step-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 618

You deserved it 486

07/11/2008 21:02

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 150

You deserved it 27 484

05/09/2014 20:55

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 587

You deserved it 7 567

Weird friendship, but OK

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 14:01

Today, I'm completely in love with my best friend, who I've known for over 10 years. I can't get him out of my head. Too bad he's married, with 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 393

20/07/2009 07:07

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 10 422

05/09/2017 01:30

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 364

You deserved it 704

09/12/2011 06:05

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 495

You deserved it 3 150

21/02/2010 15:16

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 45 126

10/04/2015 15:20

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 806

You deserved it 3 616

28/04/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 432

You deserved it 205

21/06/2019 00:01

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 222

16/02/2014 00:50

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 592

You deserved it 9 440

27/10/2015 04:40

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 10 262

11/10/2017 22:30

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 620

04/09/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 774

You deserved it 373

25/05/2010 23:33

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 751

You deserved it 39 619

04/01/2013 06:18

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 549

You deserved it 7 902

08/09/2011 15:41

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 022

You deserved it 2 844

23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 505

11/02/2009 01:22

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 290

You deserved it 5 467

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Top comments

pjsr 32

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Saturday 8 February 2020 1:44

We don’t have to understand how they work in order to enjoy them

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 8 February 2020 1:40

Kids(pl.)/he(sing.) what the hell is going on here? I thought flat-chested girls were supposed to be the smart ones.

Comments

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Saturday 8 February 2020 1:21

brace yourselves, here comes the offensive comments.

EmDizzle2007 28

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Saturday 8 February 2020 21:05

define offensive.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 8 February 2020 1:40

Kids(pl.)/he(sing.) what the hell is going on here? I thought flat-chested girls were supposed to be the smart ones.

pjsr 32

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Saturday 8 February 2020 1:44

We don’t have to understand how they work in order to enjoy them

Spoopy Flame III 8

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Saturday 8 February 2020 21:35

very true

SquirrelRulingtheWorld 8

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Saturday 8 February 2020 4:30

Cup size does not correlate with amount of glandular tissue. Once again, CUP SIZE HAS ZERO EFFECT ON MILK SUPPLY

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Saturday 8 February 2020 6:06

to be fair, men who don't know that much about female anatomy are genuinely concerned about it. He obviously still loves you and finds you attractive, since he married you and you're having a kid together. He's just ill informed

jbuckets_404 38

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Saturday 8 February 2020 6:50

As first-time fathers are always so happy to learn, their women's boobies get noticeably bigger during the pregnancy term and don't always eventually return to their original size. Good luck with it all, OP! :D P.S. Isn't that why God invented baby formula?

fjvitt 14

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Saturday 8 February 2020 13:53

Maybe you should get implants?

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Saturday 8 February 2020 14:52

Dumbass❗️

TCRII 29

Saturday 8 February 2020 16:00

Yay BOOBIES ;)

Sarah Marie_1406339655 3

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Saturday 8 February 2020 23:21

Instead of making fun of people who have never been taught this, educate them.