The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 222

Healthy family

By Anonymous - 26/03/2019 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 352

What a wanker

By Anonymous - 01/06/2019 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 287

Old faithful

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 02:00

Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 129

By Ali - 17/04/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 232

Whatcha hiding?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 09:50

Spicy

Today, I was sent to the counsellor, who had already informed the cops, because I refused to take off my wristbands. They thought I had cut my wrists. I was trying to hide handcuff marks from kinky sex, and had to explain it to the cops, counsellor, college professors and two of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 604

MiraR tells us more.

MiraR 15

Wednesday 21 September 2022 9:35

Hey everyone! OP here. Just registered my account.Thank you so much for your comments.. Yes I know it's good that they care... but it also was quite embarassing... As to better handcuffs, I've learnt my lesson.. No more cheap deals from ebay!

Understandable

By sweetlilthing - 31/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 1 232

True romantic

By Anonymous - 28/03/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. During the act, he looked deep in to my eyes before whispering, "Up the arse next time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 382

By Fml4evr - 22/04/2018 01:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 6 066

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 14:05

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 27/10/2017 06:03

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 2 712

By PineappleOfMyEye - 24/09/2018 17:30

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 140

By BigDreamer - 09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 282

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 13:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 296

QAnon weirdoes

By my kid! - 24/10/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 149

By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 05:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 231

Better luck next time

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 14:30

Spicy

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 339

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 18:00

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 144

Named and shamed

By unwanted - 01/04/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 166

How? Why? When?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I found on my brother's laptop thousands of pictures of my wife naked, in the shower and even a few of us having sex. That fucking creep put spy cams in our bedroom and bathroom. I’m so angry I don’t even know where to turn, hopefully the police can give me a hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 113

Helpful

By Big bootay - 28/01/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 369

Full house

By ugh. - 21/04/2019 16:00 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 281

How close is too close?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 02:30 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, I found out just how close my mom and fiancé are. No, they aren’t sleeping together, but she has been covering for him while he has sex with other women behind my back. Her excuse? He deserves to be happy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 153

By well fuck! - 14/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 163

**** that guy (not literally)

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 20:30

Spicy

Today, my date saw me naked, and was disgusted that 1. I shaved my pubes into a landing strip instead of completely bald, and 2. I missed a few hairs below my knee while shaving my legs. His actual words as he was half out the door were that he "wanted Princess Leia, not Chewbacca." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 290

By peepants - 04/06/2019 14:00

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 343

By random1456 - 13/06/2019 18:00

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 344

No, Drake, no

By dumb cats - 24/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 737

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 777

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Argument Annoying Transportation Miscellaneous Embarrassing Pranks Awkward Relatable Parents Kids AITA Work Family Love Poopoo peepee Health Swimming pool My ex NSFW Sex Intimacy Money Raining Painful Medication Relationship advice Mental health Psychology Cats Animals

The Top

The Top

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 217

You deserved it 1 705

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 914

You deserved it 36 538

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 3 089

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 351

You deserved it 10 455

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 511

Today, I got dumped, so I was sad. I was so unpopular in my friend group that everyone but two people "sided with my ex" in their words; the other two "didn't side." I'd told my ex that I hated her, so I asked my friend to tell her I'm sorry, my ex-friend then replied with death threats. Like WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 383