Miscellaneous: Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit...

By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 207

Miscellaneous

Classic switcheroo

Bored

Are you experienced?

By ouch - 25/02/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 787

You deserved it 39 582

By Disgusted - 04/02/2011 02:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 10 723

By fuck you, jack - 04/03/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 148

You deserved it 3 282

By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 901

You deserved it 2 942

By lmiller - 24/01/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 673

You deserved it 9 785

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 476

You deserved it 8 662

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 070

You deserved it 52 899

By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 471

You deserved it 5 338

By Fingkids - 25/09/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 33 784

By chestycough - 16/09/2013 04:35 - Australia - Belrose

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 241

You deserved it 5 375

By lamelifeguard - 19/04/2013 05:07 - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 645

You deserved it 4 381

By ThankYou! - 22/12/2015 05:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 1 958

And now, on Judge Judy

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 22:00

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 404

Mixed signals

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/09/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 141

Personality matters

By hjufidskndf - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 851

You deserved it 4 145

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 91

By Lua - 28/06/2016 17:09 - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 320

You deserved it 909

By thanks, fuckface - 16/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 046

You deserved it 4 135

By mylifesuckssss - 09/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 5 915

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 17 870

Pride and joy

By Unproud daddy moment - 19/03/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 247

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 610

You deserved it 43 406

By NotGay - 16/06/2012 05:45 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 082

You deserved it 7 587

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 036

You deserved it 2 350

By thenegatives - 09/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 634

You deserved it 4 308

Groove is in the Heart

By samba_spaz - 19/09/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 2 026

By Anonymous - 01/02/2015 10:21 - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 975

You deserved it 2 680

By ExtemelyBroke - 06/06/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 992

You deserved it 6 425

By Pain - 28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 973

You deserved it 72 103

By Duellist - 13/04/2017 02:00

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 249

By badhairday - 26/12/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 5 884

Stuck

By muddygal - 25/06/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 160

You deserved it 3 801

By rejectedson - 15/10/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 590

You deserved it 2 242

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 00:24 - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 310

You deserved it 38 410

Fiancé of the year

By Anonymous - 13/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 124

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 342

By strictly cum prancing - 11/12/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 226

You deserved it 6 867

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 7 715

Deception

By Carlah - 17/03/2020 20:30

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 412

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Top comments

97mailo 17

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 5:19

I hate this font

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 6:13

An engineer? Don’t you mean a repairman or a technician? Having an engineer do the work would cost more than a new machine! You should break open the door to get your uniform out. While they’re fixing the original problem, they can also fix the broken door.

97mailo 17

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 5:19

I hate this font

Firestar268 24

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 5:47

Looks like something I wrote in elementary School

PenguinPal3017 19

Tuesday 11 December 2018 5:58

Had to load up the website to figure out why everyone was complaining about the font. So glad my app doesn't do this.

Shawnie Gallant 24

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 12:18

My app did it.

PenguinPal3017 19

Tuesday 11 December 2018 15:52

uh oh, maybe there's an update coming

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 6:13

crsyldy 19

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 8:19

Very difficult to read, way too small

Ishvah 15

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 8:53

Time to call in sick.

Calilady 10

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 8:54

This font sucks

SirChris 17

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Tuesday 11 December 2018 10:07

Normaly this is just a magnetic look which opens automatically after a while if there is no power. No magic needed if it isnt the look which is broken.