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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/11/2018 12:00

Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 668

You deserved it 392

By Somethingtoworryabout - 26/10/2018 22:00

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 667

You deserved it 849

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 318

By mitochondriaisthepowerhouseofthecell - 27/12/2018 02:00

Today, I had my final piano performance. There is a guy in my class who constantly tells me I suck at piano, so I was looking forward to watching him play badly since he never practices. Instead, he played the most beautiful music that would make Mozart weep. He got a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 756

Hell

By Sleepless in Juneau - 27/11/2018 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my housemate's cat began meowing at 2:15am. After about 10 minutes of continuous caterwauling, it finally shut up. Almost immediately afterwards, a car with thumping bass music pulled up to idle in the street right outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 665

You deserved it 232

Our secret

By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 05:00 - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Today, my mom is 44 years-old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 664

You deserved it 1 069

By Chance115 - 11/09/2018 23:30

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 310

By Tick - 20/08/2018 22:35

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 243

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 01:00

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 799

Goddamn it

By Kaluhaluha - 25/08/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 234

By TiredParent - 09/10/2018 12:00

Today, I had to take my eyes off my kid for a minute to respond to an important work email. I was about to click send when I heard a flushing sound and mad giggling. It was the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 567

By Riicogonz - 13/08/2018 20:32

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 194

By SporadiCOOL - 27/08/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 658

You deserved it 548

By Fooled Wife - 14/09/2018 14:30

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 658

You deserved it 294

By Karaline45 - 15/12/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 658

You deserved it 376

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 657

You deserved it 337

By Bro - 25/03/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 867

By lonely-mind - 17/09/2018 13:30 - United States - Jackson

Today, my thighs started chafing 3 hours before the end of my work shift. Now they burn no matter what I do. I still have an 8-hour shift tomorrow and I can barely walk. To make it worse, my mom's only words of advice involved me losing weight so it "doesn't happen again". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 913

By yuck - 08/12/2018 17:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 248

By MamaMia - 25/11/2018 15:30

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5 month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it's me who can't sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 669

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 16:00

Today, I found out that in the past, my mother has paid or outright threatened my girlfriends into breaking up with me, because they were, "unsuitable trash not fit to be the mothers of my future grand babies." This explains why I’m 47 and have never married or had children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 173

By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 156

Empty gesture

By Loved - 25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 653

You deserved it 217

By Lane - 18/11/2018 14:00

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 653

You deserved it 456

By Blindsided - 08/10/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 751

Great benefits, though

By Sam - 04/01/2019 04:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 903

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 239

Bitch ass move

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 05:05

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 241

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The Top

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 968

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 035

You deserved it 56 515

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 514

You deserved it 33 598

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 623

You deserved it 2 920

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that her ex cheated on her when they were together, so she pegged all men the same, saying she was done with relationships, and didn't care if she hurt me or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 98

Today, while playing cards, me and my boyfriend were getting super competitive and started wagering sexual stuff. His first and only choice: anal. Why only anal? All the time anal, there’s hundreds of other things to try, why do men always go straight to anal? It’s gets boring after a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 230