Miscellaneous: Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering...

By sampaloompy - 08/01/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 325

You deserved it 8 159

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

Telenovela FML

The disrespect!

By squeezable - 19/06/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my love handles, and said, "Honk, honk!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 351

You deserved it 6 793

It's all about that D

By MK. - 21/04/2021 02:00

Today, at the age of 22, I found out that Wednesday has another D in it. Literally no one ever corrected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 780

By lady parts - 27/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Lake Bluff

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 617

You deserved it 13 782

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 338

You deserved it 1 994

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 960

You deserved it 4 404

By richkief76 - 10/05/2011 02:34

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 900

You deserved it 8 308

By mushroomless - 14/10/2015 05:40 - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 1 866

By Noname - 12/03/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 939

You deserved it 31 282

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 641

You deserved it 9 773

By belladonna1025 - 11/05/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 800

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 932

You deserved it 42 294

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 633

Last splash

By alexarbusto - 06/05/2020 02:00

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 2 964

By Username - 27/01/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 767

You deserved it 8 947

By mike - 07/02/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 430

You deserved it 4 106

By please don't get the succ - 29/06/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 644

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 528

You deserved it 3 779

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 935

You deserved it 524

Superstition

By OhGodWhy - 23/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 32 255

By hazeblaze - 06/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's Whatsapp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 248

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 762

You deserved it 59 849

By xxxchelsiexxx - 06/02/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my two friends. My hair was hanging over my upper lip, making it look like I had a big mustache. "Hey, look guys!" I said. "I have a mustache!" "I know," they both said without looking. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 312

You deserved it 7 812

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 5 299

By Snotmyfault - 11/01/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 556

You deserved it 49 284

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 695

You deserved it 2 592

By anonymous - 28/07/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 730

You deserved it 42 337

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 00:30

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 67

By notpregnant - 17/01/2010 12:20 - Italy

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to 'see if I would look hot even when pregnant'. We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 182

You deserved it 5 198

By "Growlithe1395" - 11/03/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 547

You deserved it 578

Signs

By hilaryinbetween - 14/10/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, my supervisor at work was talking about suicide prevention and how to recognize the signs of distress in coworkers. I realized that I exhibit almost all of those signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 87

Ex-Lax Time

By savagepixie - 01/06/2019 14:09

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 189

You deserved it 3 013

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 214

By embarrassed - 12/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 175

You deserved it 12 608

By Anonymous - 27/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 457

You deserved it 5 176

By eemp - 05/02/2010 05:01 - France

Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "That's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "Push a little harder" while dissecting a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 643

You deserved it 28 180

By grapes - 15/11/2015 22:12 - United States - Westfield

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 1 880

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Top comments

huanita 0

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Friday 6 February 2009 23:41

me too. always.

purpledino14 4

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Saturday 21 March 2009 3:47

Haha don't we all?

huanita 0

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Friday 6 February 2009 23:41

me too. always.

Darraghscoot 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 0:34

hahaha

JGrevious 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 3:21

true.

FrannyPackIt 0

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Thursday 18 March 2010 7:10

I was literally just about to write one about the same exact thing. at least i know I have an fml buddy:D

rawrkittehpwnage 0

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Monday 16 August 2010 7:35

same as #1, yay for bad lives

FML_angela 0

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Friday 27 August 2010 8:25

same

rock999 0

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Thursday 2 June 2011 4:14

same

methatguy 0

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Sunday 4 December 2011 5:04

First world problems...

Sansa_fml 38

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Monday 4 May 2015 23:57

That's 99% of the fml readers. :)

FuckMattsLife 0

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Saturday 7 February 2009 13:15

That's how I found this site in the first place~!

Wi5p 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 5:08

Ha! I feel the same way. :D

lhoavtee 3

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Monday 14 March 2011 2:35

I know how you feel

Big_Pick 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 0:11

Schadenfreude eh? I'm a fan.

BurnBabyyBurn 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:08

I stayed home from school, read this site all day, and still say FML. hahaha(=

purpledino14 4

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Saturday 21 March 2009 3:47

Haha don't we all?

greendaygirl999 5

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Saturday 17 July 2010 6:31

Exactly haha.

lexxi_fml 0

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Monday 23 March 2009 23:18

I agree.

Sgt_Pepper 0

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 8:02

saaaame here!

knitbitch 0

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 23:59

me too.

Switzy_fml 0

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Thursday 26 March 2009 3:19

Schadenfreude: German for happiness at the misfortune of others. Love that word!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 149

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