Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering...

By sampaloompy - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31303

You deserved it

8148

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Summertime sadness

Dog whisperer

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By stranded - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34754

You deserved it

15917

Favorite

By Walter - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31964

You deserved it

6192

Favorite

By wrongplacewrongtime - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19846

You deserved it

58015

Favorite

By JCruz411 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18003

You deserved it

32678

Favorite

By rawkdinosawr - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

20975

You deserved it

76880

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29641

You deserved it

1733

Favorite

By dumb dumb - 14/8/2020 14:00

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46871

You deserved it

6906

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1558

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By crazydog - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29570

You deserved it

4169

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58907

You deserved it

4460

Favorite

By bummed out step monster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26942

You deserved it

3077

Favorite

By Not a programmer yet - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24629

You deserved it

1597

Favorite

By Partners - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28701

You deserved it

3373

Favorite

By eldar90 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30963

You deserved it

2380

Favorite

By ctschantz - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22706

You deserved it

13461

Favorite

By jonh_215 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28915

You deserved it

3974

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41556

You deserved it

6052

Favorite

By Optimist - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41750

You deserved it

25869

Favorite

By wrongtarget - United States

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34351

You deserved it

2210

Favorite

By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43432

You deserved it

3540

Favorite

By HomeImprover

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10448

You deserved it

771

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38360

You deserved it

3237

Favorite

By Dante

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34653

You deserved it

2446

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62525

You deserved it

7364

Favorite

By kaylashay2k13 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12930

You deserved it

1085

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27965

You deserved it

5049

Favorite

By sydneyp3435 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46549

You deserved it

5644

Favorite

By tazthespaz - United States - Comstock Park

Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were having his wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5081

You deserved it

372

Favorite

By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, and the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17239

You deserved it

1163

Favorite

By Rebecca - United States - Austin

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24193

You deserved it

5164

Favorite

By pubemilkshake - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41698

You deserved it

4879

Favorite

By twoheadedboy - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55452

You deserved it

4989

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9399

You deserved it

40649

Favorite

By usmcgirl - United States

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48484

You deserved it

2204

Favorite

Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer saying they were having trouble getting ahold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to the place and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7478

You deserved it

463

Favorite

By kitkat3308 - United States

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47896

You deserved it

3048

Favorite

By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Some winners…

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

552

You deserved it

975

Favorite

By Anonymous - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64441

You deserved it

4512

Favorite

By missmycomp - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43678

You deserved it

3119

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By huanita | 0

#426 - Friday 6 February 2009 23:41

me too. always.

By purpledino14 | 4

#46667 - Saturday 21 March 2009 3:47

Haha don't we all?

COMMENTS

By huanita | 0

#426 - Friday 6 February 2009 23:41

me too. always.

Darraghscoot | 0

#905614 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 0:34

hahaha

JGrevious | 0

#930986 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 3:21

true.

FrannyPackIt | 0

#961296 - Thursday 18 March 2010 7:10

I was literally just about to write one about the same exact thing. at least i know I have an fml buddy:D

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1250681 - Monday 16 August 2010 7:35

same as #1, yay for bad lives

FML_angela | 0

#1307280 - Friday 27 August 2010 8:25

same

rock999 | 0

#2603523 - Thursday 2 June 2011 4:14

same

methatguy | 0

#3679713 - Sunday 4 December 2011 5:04

First world problems...

Sansa_fml | 38

#6281761 - Monday 4 May 2015 23:57

That's 99% of the fml readers. :)

By FuckMattsLife | 0

#491 - Saturday 7 February 2009 13:15

That's how I found this site in the first place~!

By Wi5p | 0

#7560 - Thursday 26 February 2009 5:08

Ha! I feel the same way. :D

lhoavtee | 3

#2178035 - Monday 14 March 2011 2:35

I know how you feel

By Big_Pick | 0

#15101 - Thursday 5 March 2009 0:11

Schadenfreude eh? I'm a fan.

By BurnBabyyBurn | 0

#40563 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:08

I stayed home from school, read this site all day, and still say FML.
hahaha(=

By purpledino14 | 4

#46667 - Saturday 21 March 2009 3:47

Haha don't we all?

greendaygirl999 | 5

#1100546 - Saturday 17 July 2010 6:31

Exactly haha.

By lexxi_fml | 0

#53466 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:18

I agree.

By Sgt_Pepper | 0

#54823 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 8:02

saaaame here!

By knitbitch | 0

#56263 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 23:59

me too.

By Switzy_fml | 0

#59086 - Thursday 26 March 2009 3:19

Schadenfreude: German for happiness at the misfortune of others. Love that word!