The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 431

Love hurts

By Sam - 27/08/2020 23:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition where blood vessels in my brain spasm just before orgasm, resulting in me getting a wicked migraine that lasts for days. The only cure? No more orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 140

Divorced dad energy

By ihatemyex - 23/05/2020 14:00

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 195

RIP

By MrsFart - 18/08/2018 01:30

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 1 806

By Samantha35 - 28/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip it up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turned around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 302

EMERGENCY

By jena - 22/08/2018 22:00

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 522

A sand castle

By Roasted Marshmallows - 07/11/2019 03:30

Today, I took a DNA test and it turns out that the person who I thought was my dad is not my actual dad and my real dad is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 155

By Salesadmin - 28/09/2018 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that a supervisor at work was rude to two brides, resulting in 30k being refunded. Instead of her losing her job, I now have to take over weddings on top of my already full workload. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 151

Epiphany

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 04:00

Today, a couple approached me in Asda, saying they'd noticed how my wife treats me in public and asked if I felt safe to go home with her. She treats me worse at home it’s true, but this is the first time I realised I might be in an abusive relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 191

By geedeewhy - 01/01/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 789

By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 785

By Cold feet - 07/04/2019 12:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 184

Poor doggo

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 11:01

Today, I noticed my sister's dog was very sick. One trip to the vet's later, the dog was diagnosed with gut problems caused by bad diet, and a life expectancy of about 3 months. I confronted my sister, who admitted she had the dog on the same vegan diet as her, to “save the planet.” Selfish hippie cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 120

By livinproof - 10/12/2018 13:30

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 329

The girl?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 01:00

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 288

By Embarrassed - 14/09/2018 00:00 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went to the gym for the first time. I was nervous about using the showers because I'm embarrassed about my dick, but I felt better when I heard that guys don't check each other out in the shower. I was fine until 3 different guys talked about my junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 252

By horribleevening - 31/01/2019 22:00 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 284

By Elisa - 03/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I was in a store and asked the sales clerk, “wow, how many months pregnant are you?” She replied, “my daughter is three years old…” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 7 297

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 263

By Walmart Associate - 27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a "racist whore" at work. I'd only asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 176

By SonofMnemosyne - 16/10/2018 17:52

Today, while going to visit my father, I got out of the car and put my iPad on the roof to grab my bags. My mom drove off before I could get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 714

SonofMnemosyne tells us more.

SonofMnemosyne 20

Tuesday 16 October 2018 13:04

OP here... My mom was in a rush because she was dropping me off before she took my sister to the hospital for a really bad cough which made it hard to breathe for her. She's better now. I didn't find the IPad, but I got a new one the week after as an early birthday present from my grandparents.

By Ropebunnbon - 15/08/2018 13:00

Spicy

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 1 325

By Anonymous - 11/03/2019 22:00

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 617

You deserved it 254

By RootyTootToot - 31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 617

You deserved it 1 535

By willkftw - 03/11/2018 23:30 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 565

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 06:30 - Japan - Hirakata

Today, my dad forgot my Canadian permanent resident card. We could be stuck in an airport in Japan for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 342

Time to run

By wastedtime - 13/09/2020 10:57 - United States

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 230

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 7 755

Those who can't do, teach... Right?

By Anonymous - 14/08/2018 00:30 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my aunt who has never had children lectured me on how childbirth isn't painful. I am pregnant with my second. I think I've got the gist of how it feels, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 178

By heartattack - 03/02/2019 16:00

Today, after I moved into my new 1930's house, my elderly rescue dog raised her hackles and stared at the wall behind my bed for two full minutes. I thought she might have recognized something from her old job. She's a retired cadaver dog. I guess I'm never sleeping, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 613

You deserved it 313

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 197

You deserved it 31 517

Today, my boyfriend decided to piss in the shower while I was standing next to him. I did not mind, until I realised the water flows away incredibly slowly. I had to stand in his piss while the shower filled itself with the sweet odor of fresh urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 6 424

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 107

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 531

You deserved it 3 878

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 879

You deserved it 8 898

Today, I'm recovering from an emergency room visit. I was vomiting, sweating, shaking, crying, and couldn't even speak properly. I was scared of that, and scared of hospitals after a routine surgery nearly killed me two years ago. Most of my family are convinced I was faking all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 147