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By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 07:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 117

You deserved it 12 573

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 624

You deserved it 1 505

By Brightbulb - 08/08/2017 00:12

Today, I was sent to the ER from work after sharp stomach pains made me double over in pain and nearly faint. They were so severe the Ketamine only took the edge off. After several expensive tests I found out that I will experience these every month for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 334

You deserved it 464

Brightbulb tells us more.

Brightbulb 40

Sunday 6 August 2017 17:08

ummm WOW hi, OP here, that gender indicator is messed up (good one FML staff, still need some work there) I am infact 100% FEMALE. Now that we have my gender clarified, thank you for the knowledge that removal is an option, as I have been told that it was not being as young as I am. It was a severe cyst in my ovary and I was told to essentially "get used to it" because it's going to happen every month until Menopause comes.for me, at which point I can get a hysterectomy. Knowing that it may be an option now I am going to approach my Dr about that. I did not know ketamine was supposed to make me not feel anything, because it did not work that way. When I went to the Urgent Care they rushed me to the ER, who then started looking for infections or appendicitis, but alas it was deemed "severe cramps" and "female issues" by several techs, before I even got the PCOS answer.

Lookalike

By titmeister - 28/06/2016 16:30 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite Hentai character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 716

You deserved it 1 589

By gamber9210 - 07/05/2018 20:59

Today, I learned that the guy I've been talking to online lives in the same apartment complex as me. I also learned that I've earned the title of "woman who has sex too loud" in the same apartment complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 1 606

gamber9210 tells us more.

gamber9210 13

Monday 7 May 2018 8:52

Honestly. I asked him if he lived right next door because I was very worried he’s actually heard me😂

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 03:30 - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 3 257

Standards

By "missnettymarie" - 12/05/2017 16:42 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I was told that I wasn't "long-term material" by a guy who has the words "white trash" tattooed across his knuckles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 295

You deserved it 2 309

missnettymarie tells us more.

missnettymarie 25

Saturday 6 May 2017 10:35

Hey OP here. Thanks for all the comments. They seriously made me laugh my ass off haha. The guy was/is actually a really great person and is very kindhearted. They tattoos are in no way an accurate representation of his character. When I made this post I was admitedly feeling all butt hurt and rejected so I guess I decided to be a dirt bag and post about it on social media. In all reality it wasn't that big of a deal and I have definitely since moved on.

Surprise!

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 641

You deserved it 654

By assassinmaster - 04/05/2017 04:00

Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 944

You deserved it 441

By izzy - 15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 310

You deserved it 468

By sirswank - 10/08/2017 13:00

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 1 811

By thebigguy - 12/08/2017 04:30

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 820

You deserved it 1 325

By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - 14/08/2017 16:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 178

You deserved it 741

Creeper Alert

By of fucking course - 05/09/2017 06:00

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 904

By oogabooga9 - 08/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 4 400

Fingerlickin' good

By Anonymous - 13/07/2016 04:22 - United States - Lewisville

Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 262

You deserved it 1 769

By hannamacintosh - 07/07/2016 18:37 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 273

You deserved it 1 002

By MKfml - 13/04/2018 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 452

You deserved it 491

Not so wise, eh?

By itachi desu - 08/06/2018 20:30

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. While under the influence of the drugs, I tried to speak Japanese. Later, my Japanese roommate informed me that I was saying "I am a weasel" over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 440

You deserved it 566

By Roomie pay rent plz - 24/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 462

You deserved it 1 321

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 664

You deserved it 2 578

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 13:30

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 405

By michelle - 15/11/2015 15:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 414

You deserved it 2 877

By Hobbits&LiarsOhMy! - 24/04/2017 18:06 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, I finally met the cute guy that I've been talking to for the last 3 weeks. Turns out "5'8"" was a really big exaggeration for "5"3' in boots'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 917

You deserved it 1 432

SunDown2015 tells us more.

SunDown2015 26

Saturday 22 April 2017 7:31

I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)