Work: Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told...

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21523

You deserved it

2545

Favorite

Work

Commando

Recycling helps

Spooky

By thefoolwhorippedhispants

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4226

You deserved it

401

Favorite

By moe - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29639

You deserved it

7699

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27311

You deserved it

10252

Favorite

By kawood - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27382

You deserved it

3088

Favorite

By you fuckhobbit - United Kingdom

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12022

You deserved it

36406

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41708

You deserved it

4657

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25220

You deserved it

1986

Favorite

By ZThirteen - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14090

You deserved it

28581

Favorite

By Amanda

Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1790

You deserved it

3827

Favorite

By fuckjuggalos - United States - Eugene

Ouch

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31020

You deserved it

4797

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47005

You deserved it

13436

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15457

You deserved it

22989

Favorite

By Quortney - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27511

You deserved it

3048

Favorite

By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32391

You deserved it

3897

Favorite

By Sallyfromtheseashore - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

I agree, your life sucks

9757

You deserved it

89426

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39034

You deserved it

7922

Favorite

By idk - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25912

You deserved it

2774

Favorite

By whoops

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night has a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw off top. Must have been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3623

You deserved it

2071

Favorite

By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52230

You deserved it

6191

Favorite

By ihateloopholes - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21916

You deserved it

8549

Favorite

By atmac95 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32857

You deserved it

7614

Favorite

By PeeLeg

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10513

You deserved it

50985

Favorite

By foreveralone - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19707

You deserved it

23354

Favorite

By Dino

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3733

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By shadowmuppet - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4570

You deserved it

545

Favorite

By elena02 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23342

You deserved it

2928

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wigan

Boom!

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1467

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Bangladesh

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42231

You deserved it

21361

Favorite

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Word salad

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

576

You deserved it

341

Favorite

By takeiteasy - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9639

You deserved it

34421

Favorite

By xxbobsan - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47611

You deserved it

5492

Favorite

By supermanj76 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52781

You deserved it

23448

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30823

You deserved it

2988

Favorite

By fourfootnine - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45629

You deserved it

4354

Favorite

By KBL3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32079

You deserved it

14924

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Hello?

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

742

You deserved it

Favorite

By you'vegotmail(not) - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36297

You deserved it

3703

Favorite

By Winxy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29488

You deserved it

4352

Favorite

By SoDead - 5/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Overbearing parents are the worst

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

568

You deserved it

1224

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11639

You deserved it

64147

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By writerchic85 | 25

#6551389 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:00

That would have made me laugh, I would have played along.

By yeaforreal | 14

#6551390 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:00

What?? That is hilarious!

COMMENTS

By writerchic85 | 25

#6551389 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:00

That would have made me laugh, I would have played along.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6551830 - Friday 4 March 2016 5:24

Why not just play koi?

By yeaforreal | 14

#6551390 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:00

What?? That is hilarious!

By ezrocks4u | 29

#6551391 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:02

Hmmm... Sounds fishy...

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6551392 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:03

#savethekoi

bornpatriot | 11

#6551552 - Thursday 3 March 2016 20:00

#koilivesmatter

MasterTron | 24

#6551560 - Thursday 3 March 2016 20:20

#fisharefriendsnotfood

mm12344 | 8

#6551624 - Thursday 3 March 2016 22:15

#leavehastagsontwitterexceptthisone

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6551395 - Thursday 3 March 2016 15:05

Sounds like there is an interesting backstory to this. What fish double crossed him in his past? Was he in the mafia? Is that fish in protective custody?