Animals: Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while... - FML

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 588

You deserved it 1 484

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Same thing different taste

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 436

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 636

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 5 848

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 100

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 5 982

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 284

You deserved it 19 003

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 697

You deserved it 568

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 308

Next

Top comments

allykaymorris 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.

chirstinap325 23

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:25

If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.

Comments

One_In_Three 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

Now that you've made him your bitch he should no longer be a problem.

AzariusStar01 26

Friday 11 November 2016 5:28

The rat profile picture makes that comment ironically funny

allykaymorris 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.

chirstinap325 23

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:25

If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.

HarleyBlues 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:34

come here boy, you gonna learn today

coolmike699 26

Thursday 10 November 2016 17:17

Today, I was standing on a table minding my own business, when my pet human stuck its finger up my butt. FML

BestOrginalName 22

Thursday 10 November 2016 21:07

Straight to the point. I like it.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:08

Was his prostate ok?

Arashikage 18

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:22

Just call it a surprise prostate exam

GlennGuagmire 20

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:32

Try smelling ur finger now.

Kira1965 23

Saturday 12 November 2016 10:40

Am I the only one that laughed when I read this comment?

JamieLuv2u 11

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:43

Sorry if this is tmi. Cats have 2 sphincters in there anus in particular to prevent over anxious male cats from missing the goal and damaging the poop chute. Forcefully doing that can cause all kinds of problems for your cat. She could be in pain every time she tries to poop now. Maybe a quick vet check? JIC? Poor kitty!

dblogic 19

Thursday 10 November 2016 18:56

I think it's more like **** your cat's life!

Keywords

DIY Cats Family Miscellaneous Management Awkward Poopoo peepee Work Coworkers Relatable Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Love Dating Anxiety Technology Health Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 268

You deserved it 4 813

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 5 095

The Top

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 179

You deserved it 7 108

Today, the laziest person in my department came and complained to me, while I was working, that they didn't know why we were so far behind today. Then they went to chat to their friend for 45 minutes. I know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 832

You deserved it 1 079

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 445

Today, I bought a fancy automatic ball launcher for my dog. When I demonstrated it, my dog watched the ball fly through the air, then charged at the launcher instead, thinking it was the toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 119

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 871

You deserved it 3 154

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 728

You deserved it 3 059