Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML
Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML
Today, at a party, we played the game where the person next to you needs to say something nice about you. My neighbour didn't know me well so he just pointed out I nicely smell like mint. That's when my drunk husband exclaimed, "My gal loves eating my ass, so that's just her mouthwash you just smelled!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
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Top comments
Athabaska 10
Is your couch on the front porch?
Dave_Davington 35
That's a lesson for you, kids. Before getting frisky, always smell the area to make sure it's clear of pervs.
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Comments (16)
Dave_Davington 35
That's a lesson for you, kids. Before getting frisky, always smell the area to make sure it's clear of pervs.
Lobby_Bee 18
He better pay up, shows ain't free.
tonyfan00 38
Was he naked? Did you let him take part!? We need the details!!
Athabaska 10
Is your couch on the front porch?
DraconicFeline 31
I'm guessing there was an open window.
RichardPencil 32
Did your husband lose a bet to your neighbor?
rekijan 6
Close the curtains maybe? YDI
sophiehelen 32
I mis read that as coach originally and said YDI cause you're in public then realised I was stupid so I'm sorry
NostalgiaFreak9 43
There's a wonderful invention called curtains. I suggest using them.
of fucking course 10
He was inside the house. He broke in to ask if we had any extra beer.
davecross 11
Sorry neighbor you can watch but you have to put out the cigarette and I hope you brought enough booze for the three of us
raven_of_azarath 35
Was he inside or outside? Cuz if you could smell him standing there, wouldn't he be inside? But how'd he get inside?
davecross 11
Obviously the window was open or she would have said her smelly neighbor was inside the house