The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By N - 20/05/2016 20:22 - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 641

You deserved it 1 130

By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 257

You deserved it 3 161

By RequilaRainbow - 26/01/2012 07:34 - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 721

You deserved it 4 340

Asshats

By dinomite - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 662

You deserved it 3 823

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 761

You deserved it 3 939

Great, I guess

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 501

You deserved it 8 008

By frenchy - 06/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 132

You deserved it 55 496

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 967

You deserved it 71 852

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 672

You deserved it 47 065

Not my sunnies!

By ladyofzanarkand - 20/05/2020 20:00

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 508

You deserved it 164

By Worthless Waste of Skin Who Hates Himself - 30/04/2016 12:59 - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 614

You deserved it 2 302

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 793

You deserved it 13 810

It never ends

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 20:00

Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 213

By Drew - 26/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Newark

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 329

You deserved it 1 185

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 590

You deserved it 9 016

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 472

You deserved it 7 039

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 776

You deserved it 3 606

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 218

You deserved it 29 888

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 14:01

Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 206

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 195

You deserved it 1 177

Nice choice

By walken away - 25/06/2020 23:00

Today I had the dirtiest, kinkiest, most vividly realistic sex dream of my life. I was getting it on with Christopher Walken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 405

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 4 728

By patty - 13/01/2009 02:47 - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 236

You deserved it 3 503

Home invasion

By Brad - 05/07/2020 20:01

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 132

Am I being Punk'd?

By Anonymous - 16/05/2024 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I introduced our parents to each other, and they seemed to have already met somewhere, so I asked them about it. At first they seemed shifty, then guilty, then admitted everything. They’ve actually known each other for decades as part of the same swingers group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 156

By brokeandalone - 08/09/2018 03:30 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, all my money was stolen from my room during a stay abroad. I was in the room, I had just fallen asleep with my bag right next to me. When I landed back home, the airline lost my luggage. I am now penniless and don't even have a clean pair of underwear to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 230

By Oh - 22/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Winterville

Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 039

You deserved it 2 211

Pay up

By redheadmess - 20/07/2020 02:01

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 121

By creedonfied - 06/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 334

You deserved it 3 000

It's a conspiracy!

By Pox - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 022

You deserved it 3 098

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The Top

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 157

You deserved it 54 692

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 884

You deserved it 804 301

Random

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 307

You deserved it 3 714

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 812

You deserved it 3 153

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 544

You deserved it 35 022

Today, after over a dozen separate blood tests, my doctor told me conclusively that my results are perfectly normal for a middle-aged woman in the early stages of pregnancy. Problem is, I’m a 24-year-old guy, so my doctor is very concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 133

Today, despite being skinny everywhere else on my body, I have a double chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 152

Today, after I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he said he won't give up on us and asked me to go to therapy. According to him, “You might need medication for how you feel.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 80