Intimacy: Right place, wrong time

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 211

You deserved it 29 843

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Happy place

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 249

You deserved it 79 270

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 761

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 406

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 468

You deserved it 1 572

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 459

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 116

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 4 005

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 2 866

Dude, WTF?

By Chad - 03/06/2023 03:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I walked in on my roommate mid-wank because I didn’t knock before opening the door. Why was he in my room and using my computer? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 166

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 113

You deserved it 6 805

redbluegreen 40

Monday 1 June 2009 11:19

Spotted dick, obviously.

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:43

Hahaha cool roommate!

Comments

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:43

Hahaha cool roommate!

crudeandrudeguy 29

Monday 27 July 2015 23:58

I'm sorry but if you whack off in the common room you totally deserve it, go to your bedroom you freak. Lol

tsunami2_us 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 23:45

You should call me and we will show your roomie exactly what we are serving for dinner

keirookami 11

Monday 25 May 2015 4:39

bowl of milky goodness?

Hey_Darl 0

Monday 20 April 2009 4:04

Hey, can't blame him for being more hungry then freaked out! By standards, he was asking and serious question... I wonder if he answered him haha

redbluegreen 40

Monday 1 June 2009 11:19

Spotted dick, obviously.

meatmaeta 21

Sunday 23 February 2014 3:19

The fish's name is Slippery Dick.

teentee401 36

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:20

There's also a dessert called spotted dick, 55

rachelthelime_fml 29

Saturday 6 February 2016 23:49

Of course spotted dick is a pudding, so it'd be AFTER dinner. They're having bratwurst first xD

Miss_Whipped 43

Saturday 6 August 2016 9:21

But he also SPOTTED a dick too. Makes the pun even better.

andrewx10 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 3:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

capslockisgood 19

Friday 5 October 2012 0:25

Too far

volleyball16 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 8:40

Hey you don't have to put lotion on it by yourself... I'll help you. ;)

anoellem 1

Tuesday 22 May 2012 23:14

****

katie345 1

Friday 22 June 2012 18:11

*****...

Tessy7 9

Monday 26 November 2012 3:51

What?

CassandraBear93 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 4:24

haha wow, I think it's common courtesy to walk out and let you finish your business... domn what is the world coming too

CassandraBear93 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 4:24

doesn't he know that is's common courtesy to walk out and let you finish your business ..DAMN what is this world coming to?

LunaBlack666 23

Monday 30 November 2015 11:40

how about its common courtesy to do that kind of thing in your own bedroom? Not in the living room on the couch where anyone could walk in on you? it's OP's own fault.