Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so...

By patty - 13/1/2009 02:47 - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

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Miscellaneous

Work name

Don't shoot the messenger

Hello everyone!

By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/1/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

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By Geewizz - 5/4/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 03:41 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

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By badeats - 22/6/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

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By JurassicHole - 22/4/2012 03:27 - United States

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2013 00:07 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

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By JJAnd - 28/8/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

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By Trainspotting - 3/4/2011 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

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By disgusting - 31/5/2015 09:13 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

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By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

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By brunnells22 - 23/6/2020 23:00

Bob the Builder

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

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By Etrius - 17/8/2014 15:19 - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

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By sadinseattle - 22/7/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 20:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

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By annoyed - 2/11/2012 10:37 - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By SantaClaus - 2/11/2013 04:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

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By ShowerGirl - 30/4/2013 07:54 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

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By Gennifer - 22/4/2012 05:20 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

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By teeeessst - 13/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

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By jalopenos - 29/1/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

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By ohgawd - 8/10/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

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By badmom - 27/3/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

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By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

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By LeaveTheGuyAlone - 29/7/2013 00:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 20:41 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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By Rizzle - 4/10/2009 07:50 - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

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By danikka1 - 11/3/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

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By fail - 16/1/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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By Kylene - 23/4/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

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By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By claudio117 - 8/4/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

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By Eyebrowless - 6/6/2015 16:29 - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

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By anonymous - 16/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

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Top comments

By Tri_fml | 5

#5093 - Sunday 22 February 2009 3:03

I only answer my phone 50% of the time - only person I've ever consistently answered the phone to is my girlfriend.. my best friend gets a 75% answer rate AT BEST.
Don't take it personally, a lot of people don't answer if they're trying to think, or just aren't in the mood.. imagine it'd hurt tho :(

By LyLa_fml | 0

#11790 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:47

I would have walked up to him then and said HI.

Comments

By Tri_fml | 5

#5093 - Sunday 22 February 2009 3:03

Boomi | 38

#6686888 - Saturday 10 September 2016 7:44

To be honest, I do the same thing, my friends don't mind. Then again, I'm also full-time college student and part-time employee at Whole Foods.

By arienh4 | 0

#9548 - Saturday 28 February 2009 23:46

Everyone's saying: 'he might just wanted silence or something' but what about the sigh?

By LyLa_fml | 0

#11790 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:47

I would have walked up to him then and said HI.

By tincan | 0

#34469 - Monday 16 March 2009 10:50

Maybe it's a bad day for him.

By CptJackSwallows | 0

#35398 - Monday 16 March 2009 22:30

#7, he would have to be really close to see the sigh. I imagine he imagined it due to the situation.

By dani_fizzle | 0

#86108 - Monday 6 April 2009 5:04

burnskeeez
I woulda run up to him nd kicked him in the gonads and when he was looking up from the floor asking "why?!" I woulda said "you know why!" and run away
but hey, posting the scenario on fml.com woulda been a close second
:)

ICHC_16 | 0

#575702 - Sunday 20 September 2009 7:30

isnt that from a movie?

By mixedcalibaby | 0

#193712 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 3:12

ouch!!

By Master_Frie | 0

#213351 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 4:05

Maybe he likes you and was to embarrased to talk to you at the moment. Even if you're a boy but then he woul'd be gay and the reason for not answering is because he thinks it would be easier to get over you if he avoided you.

rwac07 | 0

#975141 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 14:22

lmfao #14 that's so random.

By lisajean | 0

#221377 - Friday 22 May 2009 23:59

ahhh love #12. I thought this was quite hilarious. *sigh what does this b***h want!?!* lol

By spillproof | 0

#237959 - Thursday 28 May 2009 2:17

Does he not pick up often? I'm not a good phone person either.