By panda - 03/03/2011 11:20

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 236
You deserved it 6 273

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VeeVengeance 0

A machete really? Where do you think you are, in the fucking jungle?

Alternatively, whoever was there heard a dog lose its mind, saw the house lights come on, a guy stumble around, pick up a machete and head for the yard, then unsurprisingly decided not to stick around and see what happened next. Buy your dog a big bone.

Comments

lol that's funny but I'd kill him

zakmillard 0

hahahahahahaha damn dooooog! :)

uomealot1 0

GHOST PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

dusty209 0

sounds like he was jus being a normal dog. the person is hella overreacting and this shouldn't b on fml

VeeVengeance 0

A machete really? Where do you think you are, in the fucking jungle?

His name is panda, so maybe...

Could be a wolf.. You gonna take that thing on?

rallets 22

maybe hes Danny Trejo

jewjewB 0

omg funniest costume ever

I do the same thing with a machete. They look intimidating. Not to mention they are good to have around for the impending zombie apocalypse.

LuckyLogic 0

rofl.

Hey, machete's are badass, and nothing can change that.

*Troll face* Problem owner?

turkeys_hen 0

or your house may have entities in it. animals are more sensitive to paranormal stuff.

yes, and 3am is prime time...

u may have a ghost hun.

Or the house may have entities....Did you know animals are more aware of stuff thats paranormal? lol

poltergeist tun tun tuuuuun

Yes, my dogs tell me when unicorns, pixies and wizards are near by.

"or you may have entities" says tompusslicker... more like tomNOpusslicker

Alternatively, whoever was there heard a dog lose its mind, saw the house lights come on, a guy stumble around, pick up a machete and head for the yard, then unsurprisingly decided not to stick around and see what happened next. Buy your dog a big bone.

Here, here! My dog is the same way. He stays inside at night but doesn't make any noise unless something's going on outside the house... Love that big knucklehead of a dog of my.

Smart person, then. I mean, who would try to steal a house when you saw the owner grab a machete? You gotta be chuck norris-ing me.

Quick question... How do you "steal" a house? :/ I mean first, you'd have to lift it from it's foundation... Yada, yada, so on and so forth.. Hehe.

sicoftgsht shut up man no1 gives a shit, everyone with common sense knows what he meant.

Lighten up, it was a damn joke.

some people don't have a sense of humor. lol

can u jam out #51?.... anyone can see they were joking..... common sense.

Shhh... My common sense is tingling

Or, maybe, the intruder actually left the yard as the dog started "going nuts". Sure as hell if I was ever to intrude, and a big dog started barking his head off, I'm not going to stay on the premises and hide under a shrub!

i completely agree, and sticking with the unoriginal train, due south to buttfuck, Idaho....he should buy that dog a big bone.

beastin34 0

really? A spoon would have been better

cptmorgan15 2

You read my mind..... A spoon would most definitely be the first thing I would go for to defend myself... On the other hand, maybe I'd whip out a stuffed animal and throw marshmellows at the burglar.

You know, a gun does wonders for home defense... Just sayin'.

lordcaliburx 0

agree. I live in Texas and every one has a gun. shit i got 4. never been broken into but just in case.

Texas native as well, my friend. And a proud owner of a safe full of noise makers... I'm not afraid of a home invasion. If my dog can't take care of a person breaking into my home and risking the lives of my family, I will. Gotta protect your own, right?

Teh hell, i'd grab my pillow and bitch-slap the thief with it.

It will find you... it will catch you... it will hit you... with a spoon! Again... and again...

yeah... I'll stick with the firearms. granted I have a machete too... but I still think I'll use the guns if absolutely necessary.

FML858 0

67&79 LOLOL WIN

or maybe you're just paranoid?

bitchslapped22 14

Why the hell do you have a machete available in your house?

sometimes you gotta cut a bitch... deep

RODEOqueen 0

If you have woods on your property it can be a very handy tool. Makes getting through thick brush a whole lot easier. OP - If your dog was sleeping, it's possible it heard something that put it into protection mode. Maybe the wind or a car, people somewhere close by, or a neighbors cat? Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean your dog is an asshole.

in case of a zombie attack. have you not read the zombie survival guide?

My dad owns a machete, and why not? You can use it to chop people up, make 'em quake in fear.... no really, but yeah.

joseph42424233 0

I'd go through your thick brush awful quick 27.

atomicbaboon 0

it's much more convenient then using a small knife to cut your sandwiches in half.