Mind the handbrake!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 11:01

Spicy
Today, I've been loyal to my wife for almost 25 years then I randomly bumped into my high school sweetheart, sparks flew like when we were teenagers, and less than an hour later we were having sex in her car. I feel like such scum. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
I agree, your life sucks 509
You deserved it 8 102

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My guess is that, like most ordinary people, you haven't had many opportunities to cheat, so you weren't prepared to resist. Unless this becomes a recurring this, you should keep this to yourself. No one in your real life needs to know about this if it was only a one-time sperm-of-the-moment occurrence.

Oddly, people who think that cheaters are scum are no less likely to cheat than anyone else, in my experience. You don't keep from cheating by thinking that it's awful, but by consciously choosing your actions according to what is best for you and your partner. The next step is telling your wife. According to Dan Savage, the answer to, "Should I tell my spouse that I cheated?" is almost always yes. The *only* exception is when it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and you have good reason to believe that you have learned from it and will never do it again. (Feeling like crap about it is not good reason. People keep doing stuff that they feel like crap about all the time.) Don't get defensive. Don't make excuses. Take responsibility for your action.

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Oddly, people who think that cheaters are scum are no less likely to cheat than anyone else, in my experience. You don't keep from cheating by thinking that it's awful, but by consciously choosing your actions according to what is best for you and your partner. The next step is telling your wife. According to Dan Savage, the answer to, "Should I tell my spouse that I cheated?" is almost always yes. The *only* exception is when it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and you have good reason to believe that you have learned from it and will never do it again. (Feeling like crap about it is not good reason. People keep doing stuff that they feel like crap about all the time.) Don't get defensive. Don't make excuses. Take responsibility for your action.

DoctorPALO 14

Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully yours won't have life-altering consequences, such as pregnancy or an STD. Come clean to your wife. She has the right to know, just in case there ARE other consequences to your unfaithfulness.

My guess is that, like most ordinary people, you haven't had many opportunities to cheat, so you weren't prepared to resist. Unless this becomes a recurring this, you should keep this to yourself. No one in your real life needs to know about this if it was only a one-time sperm-of-the-moment occurrence.

Actually, that reminds me of an argument I found quite some time ago against telling one's partner about a one-time infidelity, and it is that the only reason why you may want to tell is ultimately just to absolve yourself of your guilt. Sort of a Christian confession thing: I admitted my fault, so I don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Obviously, if it ever happens again, then you have to tell your partner that you're a cheating sack of shit.

It_gets_better 18

A+ Pun, thank you.

Harper1980 3

As someone who has been cheated on and found out without my partner telling me, I would suggest that you come clean with your wife. You never know if the other woman will have a crisis of conscience, tell her husband or some friends and then the news make its way back to your wife. Finding out your partner cheated on you is hard enough. It’s so much worse when you feel like a fool and the embarrassment of knowing that you were the last to know. I did stay with my partner and worked it out, but he did it again so I couldn’t stay any longer. I know it’s hard, but she really should hear it from you.

Wadlaen 21

Yes, I agree you did a terrible mistake, but the last two sentences in your post also gives me the impression that that's not the kind of guy you are, in reality, and that you regret what you have done. I think you should come clean to your wife and lay all the cards on the table (it's better she hears it from you than from anyone else, and you never know who gets to know about these things), and I really wish you the best of luck!

Lack of respect for your wife, and self control. We have to have self control and those lines we choose to never cross, because they would tear down our family. It's not just a "mistake". It's a choice you made that affects more people than you. There is a reason we have rules and breaking them leads to more pain than had you just not done it. You are an adult and you have responsibilities and are more than capable of making the right decisions in the heat of the moment. You should not have allowed yourself to get that far in the moment anyway. You should have stopped yourself at the first sign of "spark".

JillianJuneBug 39

Finally, someone with some sense

arika3411 5

Exactly what I was thinking. You should definitely feel like scum.. what if she did that to you? I hope your marriage survives, but I can’t say you deserve it to.

Unfortunately, not everyone has that level of self-control, discipline, foresight etc. In those instance, if one cannot foresee the consequences, it's best not to proceed further. We all make mistakes. Confess, make amends, accept the consequences, and move on, hopefully wiser.

Look, friend...talk to your wife. Explain what happened. Offer to go to therapy--because if you can't control yourself over this, there's obviously something in your head going on you need to take a look at. Be honest, be genuine, and let her react how she needs to.

I hope your wife finds out, divorces you and wrings your dry.

You cheated so you face the consequences. Such is life. If I fuck up, I do the best to make amends but then accept whatever happens afterwards.

Best to exercise self control, and avoid temptations when you can. Someone recovering from addiction avoids those things to which they were addicted. In this case stick to your wife amd politely decline any potential flirtations otherwise.