The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Kelnyquist - 13/09/2016 05:37 - United States

Today, I'm a horse trainer and I started working with a lady's horse. After two hours of hard work and sweat, me and the horse in question are tired and I tell her I'll be back tomorrow. I get to the part where she's supposed to pay me and she says, "Oh! I thought this was free!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 738

You deserved it 1 311

Kelnyquist tells us more.

Kelnyquist 22

Friday 16 September 2016 7:31

OP here! This was the first time I was handling a client on my own. I've been an apprentice for several years and I was recommended to this lady by a friend of mine. I guess their conversation about me somehow made it seem as if I would do the first lesson free. I did get the payment. Me and the horse are getting on just fine now and our lessons have been reduced to thirty minutes a day. He even greets me at the gate!

By young and dumb - 27/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 737

You deserved it 3 297

By Jenbearish - 16/08/2016 04:58

Today, the laziest person in my department came and complained to me, while I was working, that they didn't know why we were so far behind today. Then they went to chat to their friend for 45 minutes. I know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 860

You deserved it 1 085

Toxic workplace

By Screamingfirecracker - 15/08/2016 04:12 - Canada

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hardcover textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 258

You deserved it 906

Love is…

By manderz? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 813

You deserved it 1 179

By MgmEboy - 19/09/2009 21:36 - Canada

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 329

You deserved it 268 941

By KitchenFlooder - 01/02/2018 01:30

Today, I flooded my entire kitchen. The water was cut off at night and I left the faucet open without realizing. When the sound woke me up at 5am, the water reached my ankles. I frantically tried to sweep it out before my mother woke up at 6am. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 554

You deserved it 1 870

Confusing love triangle

By Perry85 - 04/01/2020 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that, it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 3 668

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 550

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 20 251

Unstable

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 278

You deserved it 1 483

By wrock84 - 08/05/2016 01:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to fix my wife's brakes and change her oil before I worked on my truck. Seven hours later both vehicles are unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 475

You deserved it 5 882

wrock84 tells us more.

wrock84 20

Monday 9 May 2016 5:25

For the record i am a mechanic, but when the caliper bolt snaps on one car and a caliper is seized on another with no way to get replacement parts until next day, no amount of skill/knowledge will help. Cant pull parts out of my ass

Snek

By Kiki - 12/07/2018 20:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that my roommate of 4 years is sleeping with my ex of 7 years. Yesterday, she showed up to court as a witness for him and lied on the stand to try to get the protection order dropped. She's on the lease, so I have to live with this snake for 2 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 434

You deserved it 314

Nice seeing you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 635

You deserved it 1 820

By oopsydaddy - 14/08/2018 06:00

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 803

You deserved it 184

Booksmarts

By sigh - 29/03/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 503

You deserved it 4 946

By tittyboomboom - 24/03/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 980

You deserved it 2 063

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 723

You deserved it 29 533

By sadmoscatogal - 27/10/2018 19:01

Today, the car I've been saving up for three years, which I bought three weeks ago, was hit by my neighbor who was texting. While it was parked. In my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 506

You deserved it 201

Sophey Rae tells us more.

Sophey Rae 5

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:02

OP here - i have insurance, but we went through his since he took 100% fault

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 641

You deserved it 8 783

Chase scene

By meantowheels - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 710

You deserved it 20 300

By 404: fuck not given - 23/11/2014 16:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 094

You deserved it 5 609

I'm in hell

By GiveMeCake - 02/12/2018 22:00

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 955

You deserved it 272

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 695

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 00:07

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 1 787

By badplannning - 04/10/2015 17:51 - United States - Naperville

Today, thanks to the terrible carpool planning of one of my friends, I had the pleasure of driving both of my ex-boyfriends to homecoming. Neither one of them knew that I had dated the other, but they sure do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 586

You deserved it 3 963

badplannning tells us more.

badplannning 8

Tuesday 6 October 2015 1:06

OP here. My friend only knew I had dated one of the guys, but admittedly made me drive with him on purpose just to screw with me (I also think she wants us to get back to together). Driving with both of them just happened to be some bad luck, and I didn't have a chance to tell my friend about the awkward situation until afterwards. As far as the guys go, I didn't cheat on either one; I just never discussed my relationship with the first guy when I dated the second guy. It overall wasn't THAT bad of a ride, just incredibly uncomfortable with lots of questions and some sarcastic comments from both of them. It was like something out of a sitcom honestly

By Bonngoo - 17/11/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 333

You deserved it 1 228