Transportation: Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful...

By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

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Transportation

Messed up

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

No justice

By vballqt201 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

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By Jonnyboo - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

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By joey - 9/3/2020 05:00

Zapped

Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML

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By Donutsarelife - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

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By goingdownhillfast

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

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By StudMuffinette - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

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By Danny

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

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By Cherrish it - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

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By NoSacredSpace

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

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By Ash_U

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

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By Sica - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 08:08

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

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By Nickolas Neffster - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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By hi Mum - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

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By omgboobs - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

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By peedonme - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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By Kerlane - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

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By vansboy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

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By Distraught - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

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By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

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By I’m bushiest - Australia - Bankstown

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car infront of her, I said in my very bad Japanese “so I guess we are good friends now” she responded with a confident “yes” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

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By pdnne - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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By chairlee - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By TwinDad - United States

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

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By types - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

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By peepee. - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - ?rsta

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

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By moe472 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

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By timmynotjimmy - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

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By muffins - United States - Potomac

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

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By laughxlove - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

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By ElaborateScheme - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

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By no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Sweet dude

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

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By 1000dollarspoor - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

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Top comments

By Steve95401 | 49

#6566462 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:23

At least it was just his finger.

By Silverfeathery | 21

#6566463 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:24

Better hope it was clean

COMMENTS

By Steve95401 | 49

#6566462 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:23

At least it was just his finger.

kaylocca | 20

#6566631 - Thursday 24 March 2016 20:26

Lol it could've got way worse than a toe too.

themostunlucky_fml | 14

#6566656 - Thursday 24 March 2016 20:55

His "toe"

By Silverfeathery | 21

#6566463 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:24

Better hope it was clean

By easilyboredone | 8

#6566464 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:24

That would have been a good time to bite down and teach him not to stick his finger in other people's mouths.

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6566472 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:28

I hope you kicked him a new hole between his legs afterwards. Then he can finger himself all he wants.

TreeBeard123 | 5

#6566521 - Thursday 24 March 2016 18:32

That's a nasty image

Ilayda_fml | 12

#6566713 - Thursday 24 March 2016 22:08

Good one ???

By BlackHawkSavior | 28

#6566473 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:30

If you liked it then you should've put a finger in it, if you liked it then you should've put a finger in it

By Laphog | 17

#6566479 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:33

I always do that after I eat KFC, I mean why would I put my dirty greasy chicken fingers in my own mouth ?

HerWrongHole247 | 18

#6566657 - Thursday 24 March 2016 20:57

Remember to think before you type - Mom.

ButtStallion2k16 | 10

#6566796 - Friday 25 March 2016 0:23

I don't see what's with the downvotes

By TommyGun85 | 19

#6566482 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:38

YES!! yawn rape, that'll teach you to have some manners and cover your mouth next time. Have fun doing it to the next person.

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6566678 - Thursday 24 March 2016 21:31

Did you miss the part where OP said "before I could cover my mouth"

TommyGun85 | 19

#6566844 - Friday 25 March 2016 1:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6566974 - Friday 25 March 2016 4:45

50- when you're really tired they can catch you by surprise... Maybe her hands were full or busy. Maybe you're just a jerk. I guess we'll never know

Foxfire15 | 15

#6567032 - Friday 25 March 2016 6:37

50, If some stranger put their fingers in my mouth because I yawned, I would beat the tar out of them. It's gross and rude. It's not the job of random strangers the be the etiquette police.

By LostCosmo | 5

#6566484 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:39

Did you thank him?

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6566485 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:39

He really stuck it to ya...

By Calingaladha | 21

#6566487 - Thursday 24 March 2016 17:43

I thought for a moment "Yeah, should have bitten them"...but anyone who does that to a stranger is too gross to risk biting.