Holidays and Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes... - FML

By Flutie

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3317

You deserved it

738

Tweet

Share

Own it

This Charming Man

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By gb - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35487

You deserved it

8829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28108

You deserved it

42605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 07:59 - Australia

Bad timing, dude

Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

904

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Lily - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24834

You deserved it

1526

Tweet

Share

By NotInterested - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46012

You deserved it

4619

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6651

You deserved it

32039

Tweet

Share

By crinitis - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22978

You deserved it

1381

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2020 20:00

Empathy

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1587

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By Airhead - Canada

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26795

You deserved it

6651

Tweet

Share

By Mia - United States - Laurel

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49885

You deserved it

4652

Tweet

Share

By Lissa - 13/1/2021 01:58

Start worrying

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

973

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/6/2021 07:59 - United States - Rochester

Toxic community

Today, I donated money to a gaming streamer I like(d) who's been struggling. He later yelled at me and timed me out for "derailing the stream" with "dumb" questions. Then I found out a troll community that follows him doxxed me, and people are dunking on me and calling me "retarded" on social media for donating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

828

You deserved it

341

Tweet

Share

By maza

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1693

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By Rach

Today, I didn't put any makeup on my acne-ridden and newly sun-burnt face. Today was also the first time I've ever run into my crush outside of work, all while trying to parallel park in a car that hasn't been washed in 6 months. I hit the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2989

You deserved it

736

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11905

You deserved it

3004

Tweet

Share

By

Risky business

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By pubquizgenius - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8818

You deserved it

25289

Tweet

Share

By thefuckman - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23464

You deserved it

1590

Tweet

Share

By DietKelp - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27468

You deserved it

2004

Tweet

Share

By alyssaamarante - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25274

You deserved it

8908

Tweet

Share

By theJoblessArchaeologist - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4237

You deserved it

303

Tweet

Share

By Great - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68680

You deserved it

6244

Tweet

Share

By Mary Anne - 3/9/2020 09:04 - United States - Denver

Rack go thwack

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

940

You deserved it

407

Tweet

Share

By HomicidalPegasus - United States - Bethalto

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51203

You deserved it

36182

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Canoga Park

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13605

You deserved it

44711

Tweet

Share

By ac-hoo - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32650

You deserved it

3821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1458

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By Nicole557 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29454

You deserved it

10470

Tweet

Share

By oh no

What Mötley Crüe call "Breakfast"

Today, I think all those jokes my wife made about becoming an alcoholic during quarantine may be true. She came back from the weekly shopping today with 7 bottles of wine, a bottle of tequila and a 30-pack of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1308

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By shadowsonicstar - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7782

You deserved it

40542

Tweet

Share

By OCDrunk - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27941

You deserved it

9881

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46876

You deserved it

21539

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21395

You deserved it

14480

Tweet

Share

By gamergirlfriend - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20073

You deserved it

34186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 14:01

Slow moving accident

Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

573

You deserved it

369

Tweet

Share

By lolwut - United States - Albany

You never know

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48358

You deserved it

18270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20678

You deserved it

2460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30995

You deserved it

2794

Tweet

Share

By fuck - United States - Saint Thomas

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25427

You deserved it

34490

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54835

You deserved it

3388

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7557450 - Friday 27 October 2017 22:26

you couldn't have known op. i'm sorry for that lady though.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7557456 - Friday 27 October 2017 22:44

Yes, but on the plus side, you might have helped Miss Blotchy find some seasonal employment.

COMMENTS

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7557450 - Friday 27 October 2017 22:26

you couldn't have known op. i'm sorry for that lady though.

Reply

Demon_of_Light | 27

#7557513 - Saturday 28 October 2017 3:42

The fiancé knew.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7557456 - Friday 27 October 2017 22:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By corky1992 | 33

#7557544 - Saturday 28 October 2017 7:32

Well I bet you feel like an ass. I feel worse for the girl. Getting banned from a place is nothing compared to the humiliation you caused her.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7557545 - Saturday 28 October 2017 7:33

Oh wow, thats funny for something that shouldn't be. lol