Work: Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard...

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 866

You deserved it 20 073

Work

Batman

Silver linings

Bye bye love

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 4 949

Thanks De Beers

By Anonymous - 31/08/2021 19:01

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the biggest, tackiest, most Geordie Shore-style ring I’ve ever seen. I said yes because I love him, but this thing is twice as wide as my finger and just looks horrible compared to the solitaire ring I told him I really liked. I’m embarrassed to be seen wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 4 342

By Joy - 16/06/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 003

You deserved it 19 184

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 1 735

By Foreverathome - 28/09/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 843

You deserved it 2 561

By Anonymous - 05/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 507

You deserved it 399

By haku4u - 01/04/2013 23:18 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 097

You deserved it 2 903

By imeanreallytho - 11/09/2015 16:20 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 919

You deserved it 8 842

By LimpMcgee - 07/02/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 084

You deserved it 3 625

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 10:33 - Australia

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 450

You deserved it 17 180

By squarecircles - 15/06/2019 10:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 528

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 05:26 - United States - Saint Maries

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 600

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 10:43 - United States

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 049

You deserved it 4 437

By mongoosemike - 07/06/2011 05:55

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 811

You deserved it 29 449

By ProtoBird - 14/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got hit so hard in the head by a dodgeball that a contact popped right out. To make matters worse, I continued to get hit as a futilely searched for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 793

You deserved it 1 564

By EconM - 03/10/2013 15:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 138

You deserved it 5 328

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 317

You deserved it 4 168

By not twilight - 05/12/2015 00:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 1 630

By I suck :( - 07/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 999

You deserved it 62 791

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 344

By Brad - 03/01/2013 06:47 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 919

You deserved it 25 578

By TurtleTeacher - 14/10/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 837

You deserved it 4 040

By :/ - 03/12/2012 01:57 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 041

You deserved it 3 270

By Bbrooks88 - 19/01/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 132

You deserved it 354

By AstonBrown - 15/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Cleveland

Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 1 003

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 475

Sorry Pat

By Kronic - 02/07/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 290

You deserved it 48 551

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 638

You deserved it 8 707

But was he cute though?

By Leah Truncale - 24/11/2020 13:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 119

By cockalicious - 01/03/2011 05:29

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 5 012

By Anonymous - 17/12/2011 07:47

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 662

You deserved it 3 876

By BabyDaddy - 30/05/2010 08:05 - Australia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 611

You deserved it 9 779

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 731

You deserved it 13 290

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 612

You deserved it 2 761

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 511

You deserved it 4 050

By CB - 19/11/2009 01:30 - New Zealand

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 2 478

By brentkd - 20/07/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 596

You deserved it 4 739

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 19:20 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 6 950

By ana9 - 12/01/2009 15:56 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 974

You deserved it 6 793

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Top comments

tigerisabelle 31

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:33

As anybody with a lick of sense knows, you don't ever do that to a former boss, no matter how fucking terrible they were. It's a little something called professionalism. Learn it

Welshite 39

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:31

So you go back to him, get on your knees, and offer to return the favor. Is it basically pimping yourself out? Yes. But a man's got to do what a man's got to do to get a good reference.

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:30

Karma is a bitch ain't it?

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Saturday 4 June 2016 11:44

More like "Being a fucking idiot never makes your life easier." Not necessarily karma, just the consequences of OP's idiotic actions.

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Sunday 5 June 2016 5:24

I'm just hazarding a guess here that OP is a rather hostile employee...

Welshite 39

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:31

So you go back to him, get on your knees, and offer to return the favor. Is it basically pimping yourself out? Yes. But a man's got to do what a man's got to do to get a good reference.

DankNissan 11

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Saturday 4 June 2016 9:58

Then who is cock sucking?

PePziNL 20

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Sunday 5 June 2016 2:28

#14: not that kind of 'get on your knees'.

Monster6592 1

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Sunday 5 June 2016 6:10

#47 He says "is it basically pimping yourself out? Yes." That suggests giving the boss a suck

borntoperform 14

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:33

This might only work for women but when I did something similar I kind of just went to my old boss and said, "I regret calling you a cocksucking bastard and I could desperately use a good reference from you." Worked well enough.

tigerisabelle 31

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:33

As anybody with a lick of sense knows, you don't ever do that to a former boss, no matter how fucking terrible they were. It's a little something called professionalism. Learn it

sturschaedel 27

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Saturday 4 June 2016 9:11

Exactly. You can think things like that, but you never say it. Smile, be friendly, and rejoice in the knowledge that you are the bigger person.

redskyontherox 15

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Saturday 4 June 2016 19:07

sometimes people have to learn the hard way. I'm sure the op is young and will grow from this experience.

superlloyd 15

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Saturday 4 June 2016 19:47

it has nothing to do with professionalism. it is about self-interest; which is fine. You have so much to say but none of it valid. Useless.

molliekatz 6

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Sunday 5 June 2016 4:56

possibly BUT if he was a real cocksucker to OP then sometimes "professionalism" means telling them to get fisted. There's also something called respect so since I've met more then one asshole who's abuse of power warranted afore mentioned insult then maybe its deserved to be called out on their shit?

Magnoxidans 19

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:35

There's no gain in doing things like that only potential regret...

oldsaltydawg 12

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:39

not even going to sugar coat it, you definitely did this to yourself

CloudNiner 13

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Saturday 4 June 2016 8:42

Write one you're self and give a buddy's phone number instead

daengh 15

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Wednesday 8 June 2016 0:07

No reference is better than being caught in a lie about a bad one.

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Sunday 16 July 2017 8:58

your*

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Sunday 16 July 2017 8:58

yourself*

Mathalamus 24

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Saturday 4 June 2016 9:13

You deserved it, for being an immature child.

aruden 25

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Saturday 4 June 2016 9:25

It's one of those things, if it feels good to say it you probably shouldn't.

chuka81 27

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Saturday 4 June 2016 9:29

I understand why people are overwhelmingly against OP. What he did was immature. However immaturity isn't always horrible. I had a horrible boss once, and I was glad to finally be able to flip him the bird after I got a new job. Fortunately for me though, I've not had reason to go back to him for any sought of help yet. And I always remember his face after I told him off with so much satisfaction. It might be immature, but definitely satisfying. Too bad it didn't quite work out for OP though.

sweetbliss3 37

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Saturday 4 June 2016 13:36

I've had some horrible bosses. always be professional even on your last day. a. it shows you're the bigger person. B. you don't look like an idiot. I don't see the point of being immature. you got a new job. walk out and be done with the former place. you gain nothing by looking like and being an asshole.

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 4 June 2016 14:00

Congratulations on completely missing the point.

Dale_shackleford 13

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Sunday 5 June 2016 0:46

I stopped reading after you said that being immature isn't always a bad thing.

daengh 15

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Wednesday 8 June 2016 0:09

You might be surprised how often the "6 degrees of separation" thing puts people together who have nothing on common but having had worked with you. Then they compare notes...